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Last updated: 15 April 2011
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Male Orgasm Denial / Ejaculation Denial
 

   
Overview of Male Orgasm Denial    |   Chapter 14: BDSM and Devotional Sex

The joys of male orgasm denial

There are many reasons why some men greatly enjoy male orgasm denial, and having a very aroused man under her power can be lots of fun for a woman.
 
This page presents the joys of BDSM-style male orgasm denial / ejaculation denial for both males and females. (To jump to the female joys click here.)

Of course not all men are the same, and the following joys will not be appreciated by everyone. Just as with food and music, what we enjoy is very dependent on our personal tastes.

But just as with food and music, if we are open minded and explore, we may find that our tastes expand to include new pleasures. So those who have not yet tried male orgasm denial may, one day, also come to appreciate some of these joys.

 

 
Most men orgasm and ejaculate at the same time, and so for them orgasm denial is the same thing as ejaculation denial.

In
Devotional Sex the man learns to orgasm without ejaculating. Thus for him the joys presented on this page come from the ejaculation denial (as orgasms without ejaculating are not denied).
 


 
The following joys are all about enhancing a couple's sex life. Not only is there better sex, but there is more of it.

Hence the following does not apply to orgasm denial when practiced as part of male chastity.

 

Male joys from male orgasm denial

A man who practices BDSM-style male orgasm denial may experience some or all of the following:
 

Heightened enjoyment when receiving sexual pleasures

Male orgasm denial builds up a man's erotic energy. When his erotic energy is very high, every touch and all sexual activity feels much more intense. Just having his partner play with his erection goes from something that is a nice preliminary to an intense and powerful pleasure. Receiving oral sex goes from feeling great to unbelievable.

Because the man knows that he will not be allowed to ejaculate, foreplay is no longer just a step towards ejaculation. Without the end-point of ejaculation the man's pleasure is solely derived from what happens during a session, and as there is no end-point to strive towards, there is no rush to move forward. Pleasure is significantly enhanced when each activity is enjoyed for itself.
 

 
This aspect of BDSM-style male orgasm denial is shared with Tantric sex, as both are about enjoying the pleasures of each moment rather than being distracted by and rushing forward to climax.

BDSM-style male orgasm denial differs from Tantra in that Tantric sex is relaxed intensity whilst BDSM-style orgasm denial usually results in a much higher and less controlled erotic energy.

 

 
Men who appreciate orgasm denial find that the extra intensity and delight they experience when receiving sexual pleasure more than makes up for the lack of an ejaculation at the end of the session.
 

Greater pleasure when he does ejaculate

By the time he is allowed to ejaculate the man’s erotic energy is very high. This means that the intensity and pleasure of his orgasm is usually much greater than normal. In fact an ordinary (no stored up erotic energy) ejaculation can feel a bit flat and boring in comparison.

Ejaculation denial will result in fewer ejaculations, but the power and intensity of the orgasms at the end of a period of denial are one of the rewards of waiting.

The ejaculation also feels more special because it is a rarer event.
 

Greater enjoyment in giving sexual pleasures

The higher-than-usual erotic energy levels created by male orgasm denial result in the man being very keen to become aroused and to engage in sexual activity. Not only is his desire to receive sexual pleasures greater, but he also enjoys giving his partner sexual pleasure much more than before.

When a man thinks of sex as an activity leading to his ejaculation, what happens before his ejaculation will sometimes be thought of as just relatively unimportant foreplay. Giving his partner pleasure can even be seen as just a necessary chore which must be done before he can move forward to the main activity (which will lead to his ejaculation).

But when a man knows that he will not be allowed to ejaculate at the end of a session, his main drive is no longer to end the sexual activity with an ejaculation but to keep enjoying sexual activity for as long as he can. And one of the best ways he can make a session longer is to spend as much time as he can giving his partner pleasure. Rather than giving pleasure being a chore, it becomes a pleasurable way of getting to enjoy longer sexual activity.

The level of a man's erotic energy can also make a big difference to how he feels about doing an activity. For example, a man's feelings about giving his partner oral sex may range from would prefer not to, when he has low erotic energy, to really loves to, when his energy is very high.

So practicing male orgasm denial can lead to the women receiving much more oral sex, and this is not just because she has the power to tell her partner what to do, but because with his high erotic energy he always really enjoys giving her pleasure this way.


Some men who enjoy orgasm denial enjoy pleasuring their partner more than receiving pleasure themselves. For these men the increased desire to give pleasure is one of the main reasons they enjoy orgasm denial.
 

 
A component of Tantric sex is learning to enjoy giving pleasure as much as receiving it. So once again a BDSM technique has something in common with Tantric sex.
 

Sessions of sexual activity often last much longer

`Normal´ sex usually ends once the male ejaculates. And, as many men focus on their ejaculation as the most pleasurable aspect of sex, the sexual activity often moves forward fairly quickly so that they can quickly reach climax.

Males under orgasm denial are usually not allowed to ejaculate at the end of a session. As it is no longer his ejaculation which indicates the end of sexual activity, the sex usually continues until the female says she has had enough. Of course the female will sometimes only want a short session. But as she is with a very aroused man who is very appreciative of and responsive to any pleasures she gives, and who is eager to pleasure her for as long as he can, it is common for sexual activity to last longer than `normal´ sex.
 

 
Once again there is a similarity with Tantric sex as both think of good sex as something to be enjoyed over time rather than just as a means to reach orgasm.
 

 
Men who enjoy male orgasm denial love sexual activity so much that they consider longer lasting activity worth the price of not ending most activity with an orgasm.
 

More sessions of sexual activity

When a man is not allowed to ejaculate at the end of a sexual session, his background erotic energy remains high. This means that he can become aroused again very easily and quickly, and he is always keen to engage in more sexual activity.

When practicing male orgasm denial the man's partner knows that sexual activity will usually not lead to him ejaculating. So she knows that if she gets him aroused he will not be expecting to orgasm at the end. Getting him aroused no longer implies that because she aroused him she must 
`provide satisfaction´. This means that she can feel comfortable getting her partner aroused for just a short session of activity whenever she thinks this would be fun.

It is not uncommon for couples who enjoy male orgasm denial to engage in short sessions of sexual activity in between their longer sessions.
 

Powerful intimacy at the end of a session

When sexual activity ends without the male ejaculating he is still aroused during any post-sex cuddle.

Once the man has become used to not ejaculating, his arousal during these cuddles powers very strong feelings of intimacy towards his partner. These cuddles can be so fulfilling that they become one of the main benefits of male orgasm denial.

Men who enjoy orgasm denial love the way their high erotic energy powers close and intimate cuddles.
 

Powerful denial at the end of a session

Rather than ending sexual activity with the intimacy of a post-sex cuddle, some couples will prefer to use the male orgasm denial to enjoy powerful feelings of power and denial. In this case rather than a cuddle the couple separate.

Ending with the still aroused man being denied not only an ejaculation but any further physical contact with his partner will create very powerful emotions. For some men the feeling of being rejected by a powerful women will in itself be arousing. And some women will enjoy using their power over their partner in this way.
 

 
Whether the man not ejaculating at the end of sexual activity is used to power a very intimate post-sex cuddle, or it is used to create feelings of power and denial, the post-sex activity becomes a powerful and fun part of the whole experience.

With orgasm denial the ending of sexual activity is very different from the just roll over and go to sleep which often follows normal sex!
 

The high from feeling horny all of the time

Many men treat erotic energy as being similar to feelings of physical hunger. Most of the time you do not feel hungry. After a while your hunger builds up and this is thought of as a bad feeling. So the man strives to `relieve´ this hunger by eating a snack or a full meal.

Similarly, most of the time a man's background erotic energy is fairly low, but after a while it builds up. And when the man reaches high erotic energy he strives to relieve himself of this energy by ejaculating. It is as if feeling erotic energy is a bad thing.

While the idea of spending most of my time feeling hungry has no appeal, having a higher than normal background level of erotic energy is actually lots of fun.

Feeling slightly horny all the time makes a man think about sex much more often and much more intensely. He thinks about his partner more often, and she is much more desirable to him.
 

 
In this aspect BDSM-style orgasm denial is similar to Taoist multi-orgasmic practice. In both cases, the man having a higher than usual background erotic energy is a good thing.

The difference between the two is that within Tao the man's erotic energy is much lower and under control, whereas with BDSM-style orgasm denial his background erotic energy is much higher and can sometimes be slightly out of control.

 

Feelings of erotic submission

Erotic submission is being turned on by feeling that your partner has control over you. It is not unusual for men who are dominant in the rest of their lives to enjoy erotic submission, hence enjoying erotic submission is unrelated to being a submissive person in general.

The effect of male orgasm denial on a man's feelings of erotic submission depends on whether or not he needs high erotic energy to be able to feel submissive.

A few men are able to feel submissive towards their partners all of the time, even just after they have ejaculated.

These men don't need high erotic energy to feel submissive. But they still enjoy male orgasm denial because the act of being denied permission to ejaculate, as well as their higher erotic energy from not ejaculating, makes them feel even more submissive.

Most men are only able to feel sexually submissive when they have fairly high erotic energy. As orgasm denial builds and maintains high erotic energy, practicing orgasm denial enables these men to enjoy erotic submission.
 

 
For example, the real-life story of Tracey and Michael, where a foot massage led to a foot kiss, took place only because Michael’s erotic energy was very high, and he was thus able to act and feel submissive.
 

 
Note that because ejaculating releases all a man's erotic energy, men who need high energy to feel submission loose all their feelings of submission as soon as they ejaculate.

In some cases it might take a few days before their erotic energy builds up enough for them to once again be able to feel submissive.
 

The feelings at the time of being denied

When it is the man's partner who decides whether or not he will be allowed to ejaculate at the end of sexual activity there will always be a moment during each session when he finds out whether or not he will be allowed to ejaculate that session.

Often this will be at the end of the session when his partner makes it clear that the session is over. No further activity means that there will be no ejaculation.

Especially when the man has lasted a long time and he feels that he really wants to ejaculate, finding out that he will not be allowed to do so is a very powerful moment.

For some men this moment may be a `cost´ of being able to enjoy the other benefits of orgasm denial. But for others this moment will be a highlight of their orgasm denial because it is at this moment that he feels most under the power of his partner.
 

Enjoying activities and games which require submission

When a man is feeling submissive towards his partner many activities which he would not otherwise want to do become desirable and enjoyable. These activities can be as simple as sitting naked at the feet of his partner and giving her a foot massage.

When the dynamic is working well, such activities can be some of the most sexy, intense, and powerful things that a couple do together.

Not only are these activities sometimes as intense and powerful as the high just before reaching orgasm, but because they often do not involve full sexual activity, they can last for a very long time.

Men who enjoy male orgasm denial enjoy the activities which their submission enables. They love not only the intensity and power of their feelings, but the fact that these activities can go on for hours.

 

Summary

The more strongly a person believes that the main joy, and perhaps even purpose, of sex for the male lies in reaching orgasm, the less likely they will be to understand why practicing male orgasm denial is a good thing. They might think that orgasm denial is only for those who do not like sex.

This section shows that men who enjoy male orgasm denial love sex. Missing out on ejaculation at the end of most sessions means that the other aspects of sex become much more intense and pleasurable.

Male orgasm denial is enjoyed by men who appreciate the whole journey of sexual activity. A wonderful journey does not need to have a climax at the end, especially when the journey becomes significantly more enjoyable because its ending only occasionally includes an ejaculation.
 

Female joys from male orgasm denial

Woman who practice male orgasm denial with their partner find some, or perhaps all, of the following enjoyable:
 

The thrill of being in charge

Having a very horny and submissive man under her power can be a turn-on in itself.

It can also feel great to have her partner express such strong desire for her and feeling in control of such strong energy.

As well as the fun of making things happen, and ending things when she wishes, her power over her partner is strongly felt when controlling her partner's ejaculations.

Ending sexual activity is especially powerful when this is done without allowing him to ejaculate. And when she decides that her partner will ejaculate, it can be great fun controlling how this will be done and telling him when.
 

Receiving pleasures

Having erotic power over a very horny and eager man enables the woman to receive sexual and sensual pleasures both in the way that she wants and for as long as she wants.

The enjoyment is also enhanced because her partner's high erotic energy means that he enjoys giving such pleasures, and does not give them just so that she will `return the favor´.

Women can also enjoy receiving pleasure without another activity having to follow on. This makes the pleasure feel more relaxing and special.
 

Teasing her partner

Having power over a man with very high erotic energy means that even a simple little tease can have a strong effect on him. And bigger teases can have a huge effect.

A man experiencing orgasm denial is always quick to become aroused, and as the woman has power over what happens in a sexual encounter, it is easy for her to keep teasing for as long as she wants, and to end the tease without things going any further.
 

Pleasuring her partner

A man’s high erotic energy from male orgasm denial means that every little touch or pleasure he receives becomes much more intense and enjoyable for him.

It is much more fun for a woman to give her partner pleasure when he is incredibly aroused.
 

Deciding when sexual activity will happen

A man who has not been allowed to ejaculate for a few days will be very keen for some sexual activity when he goes to bed at night with his partner. But even a very sexual woman is not going to want sexual activity every night.

So a part of ejaculation denial is that the women gets to decide when sexual activity will happen, and most powerfully, when it will not.

Of course it is great for a woman to have a partner who is always keen for sexual activity whenever she wants sex.

But it also very empowering for a women to know that sexual activity will only happen when she wants it. When practicing ejaculation denial a woman who feels her partner's erection against her body in bed at night will not feel that this is a demand for sex, but just the proof that her partner desires her. And sometimes her response to this desire will just be a  "goodnight dear, sleep well."

 

Background feeling of always being desired

Male orgasm denial means that her partner is always at least a bit horny and thus always has a sparkle of desire for her.

It can be fun for a woman to feel desired all of the time.
 

Enjoying activities and games which require submission

The many activities which can only be done with a submissive man are also powerful and fun for the woman.
 

Better communication

When a man has high stored erotic energy, and you are spending quiet time together with him aroused and wanting, he is likely to be very willing to be open about his thoughts and feelings.

Such quiet times of erotic resting are great for sharing intimacy and communication. This can be as little as the man telling his partner how special he feels being hers to him opening up and letting her know all his fantasies.

 

Discussion

You can discuss the joys of BDSM-style ejaculation denial here at the Devotional Sex Forum.

If you can think of any other male or female joys please let me know. And any other comments which will help me make this a better page are also appreciated.
 

Devotional Sex includes all of these joys

The most well known way for a couple to experience the joys presented above is by entering the BDSM world where a dominant Mistress controls her submissive. This works fine for some, but it is not uncommon for couples to experience some problems. The problems with male orgasm denial within BDSM are presented here.

Devotional Sex enables a slightly milder version of the above joys to become part of your lifestyle. As it avoids the problems it is a much more female friendly technique.

If you want to skip the list of problems you can jump straight to finding out more about Devotional Sex and why it may suit you and your partner best.
 
 
Continue to 
Problems with male orgasm denial
 
Overview of Male Orgasm Denial    |   Chapter 14: BDSM and Devotional Sex
 
 
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