male orgasm denial can lead to some significant problems. Problems are
particularly likely if the woman does not want to be a full-time BDSM
For the male the intensity of ejaculation denial can become so strong that it disrupts the rest of his life.
His high intensity can also become disturbing to his partner, and she may
feel that their `game´ of male orgasm denial is taking over the
At worst the pressures from practicing male orgasm denial can lead to emotional outbursts.
Is the woman naturally dominant?
BDSM-style male orgasm denial generates powerful forces within the male. In BDSM
these forces can be balanced by the strong dominance of a BDSM
FemDom works best when the female is
naturally dominant (or bossy) and not only enjoys being in charge
during play time, but likes to be in charge all of the time. A
naturally dominant women finds it easy to exert her power at any time,
and so if her submissive starts to misbehave, a stern word (or look)
may be all that is needed to restore balance.
Thus couples who practice male orgasm denial within a strong BDSM power
dynamic may be able to avoid many of the problems listed below. Even
so, recognizing potential problems will make things run smoother, so
the list below may still be useful.
Most writing about
FemDom is about a man submitting to a dominant women. What is very
rarely written about is what happens when FemDom is tried with a not
naturally dominant women.
A woman who is not naturally dominant may still enjoy role-playing a
dominant women for a session or even for a few days. She may get some
enjoyment from this herself, or she may be doing it mainly because she
knows that her partner very much enjoys it and her enyoyment comes
mainly from making her partner happy.
The problem with a non-dominant women having her partner under orgasm
denial is that after a while playing the role of the dominant starts to
become a chore, and she wants to either end `the game´ or give it
a rest for a while.
The problems listed below are most likely to be experienced by couples when the female is not naturally dominant.
The potential problems of male orgasm denial / ejaculation denial are:
After many days of not being allowed to ejaculate the male's erotic energy and his desire for sexual activity becomes very high.
his high erotic energy has made him feel submissive, then just being
made to do something which acknowledges his submission may be enough to
keep him happy.
his partner is naturally dominant it is easy for her to either make him
do something that presses his submissive buttons, or to just firmly tell
him to behave. While the latter is not an activity, it is an order from
his Mistress, and he thus no longer feels ignored.
couples, especially when the woman does not want to be dominant all of
the time, there will come a stage when she wants to give `the
game´ a rest. She does not want to make her partner do something
submissive, and she does not want to have to act like a Mistress
and be firm. She just wants to forget about all the `sex games´
for a while and have a normal day or evening.
Unfortunately this is most likely to happen near
the end of the period of male orgasm denial when the man's erotic
energy is at its highest. The man can even feel resentful towards his
partner because he has gone to the effort of building up his energy
(and may even be thinking that he has done this for her), yet now she
wants to ignore that energy.
At worst this can lead to the male having an emotional outburst.
the woman stops feeling and acting dominant, and her partner has very
high erotic energy, his energy can be felt as a `demand´ or
`expectation´ for sexual activity or, at the very least, as an
expectation that she keep acting like a dominant Mistress.
The female feeling pressured
This is most likely when the man is feeling ignored and is sending out these signals.
the woman can feel this way even if her partner accepts that she is
entitled to some time without activity and without acting dominant. In
this case she is aware that her partner has high erotic energy, but has
misinterpreted how her partner is dealing with his energy and what he
is expecting from her.
Once again a period of male orgasm denial can
end with an emotional outburst, but this time from the female who is
sick and tired of feeling pressured to act like a Mistress.
milder version of the above problem can arise when a couple go to bed
together at night. After many days of male orgasm denial, just getting
into bed with his partner (and maybe having a cuddle) can be enough to
cause the man to get a very hard erection.
Erections in bed making the female feel uncomfortable
If the woman wants a night without sexual activity, her partner's erection may make her feel uncomfortable.
the man is expecting some sexual activity, then the woman really is
being pressured. She can dominate the situation and make clear that
nothing is going to happen. But if she does not want to act dominant
then his `demand´ for sex either leads to her giving in, or
having to play a dominant role when she resents having to do this. Either way, this is
not a good situation for the woman.
In any longer term practice
of ejaculation denial the man will know very well that sexual activity
will not happen every time the couple go to bed. Even though he may
still get an erection, he will accept that nothing further need happen.
But even in this situation his partner may experience his erection as a `demand´ for sex.
may also feel that being a good partner means that she should keep him
satisfied, and that ignoring his erection therefore means she is not
being a good partner.
So even when the man fully accepts that nothing further will happen, his erection can still make his partner feel uncomfortable.
Practicing male orgasm denial means that the man is always at least slightly horny.
The male having a disruptive level of background erotic energy
becomes a problem when his erotic energy becomes so high that it
disrupts normal life. This might manifest itself as an inability to properly
concentrate when at work, forgetting to buy items while on a shopping
trip, or an inability to pay attention while watching TV or a movie.
ejaculation denial can also result in physical symptoms, such as aching
balls. If this ache is more than just a gentle background feeling, it
can also be a distraction during non-sexual times.
of the benefits of practicing male orgasm denial is that the build up
energy enables a man to feel submissive and to enjoy some activities
that he would not otherwise enjoy. When he has very high erotic energy
it can be these kinky activities which dominate his thoughts.
Male focus on `kinky´ sex
His partner may be enjoying having a very horny man under her power and
the sexual pleasures that result. But if she does not share her
partner's interest in these kinky activities, and he just wants to move
beyond ordinary sexual activities into kink, then clearly things are
not going to go well.
But problems can also arise even when his partner does enjoy some kinky activities. Especially when ejaculation
denial goes on for a
long time, or becomes the normal way for a couple to be together, the
male can become mainly focussed on the kinkier activities whilst the
female may want most of their activities to be non-kinky.
When the male becomes too focussed on kinky activities some of the main
benefits of sexual relations within a couple, intimacy and connection,
can be lost.
Even if the woman uses her erotic power to ensure that
the couple include intimacy in their sex life, these activities will
not create real intimacy if her partner would rather be enjoying a
If the woman feels that her sex life lacks
real intimacy she may become less keen on the kinkier activities. This
may result in both partners feeling unhappy, the woman because she is
not getting enough real intimacy, and the man because he is not able to
engage in the kinky activities he enjoys.
Male orgasm denial will normally only be practiced by men who appreciate its joys to the extent that they are willing to accept fewer orgasms.
The male missing out on orgasms
men gain part of their enjoyment of orgasm denial from the fact
that their partner is making them miss out on the pleasure of having an
But for those who enjoy ejaculation denial mainly for
the way it enhances the intensity of giving and receiving sexual
pleasures, missing out on orgasms has no benefit in itself, but is
simply a cost of not ejaculating.
You can discuss the problems of BDSM-style ejaculation denial at the forum here.
I welcome any suggestions on how to improve this page.