Problems with male orgasm denial

 
BDSM-style male orgasm denial generates powerful forces within the male. In BDSM these forces can be balanced by the strong dominance of a BDSM Mistress.

FemDom works best when the female is naturally dominant (or bossy) and not only enjoys being in charge during play time, but likes to be in charge all of the time. A naturally dominant women finds it easy to exert her power at any time, and so if her submissive starts to misbehave, a stern word (or look) may be all that is needed to restore balance.

Thus couples who practice male orgasm denial within a strong BDSM power dynamic may be able to avoid many of the problems listed below. Even so, recognizing potential problems will make things run smoother, so the list below may still be useful.
 
 
Most writing about FemDom is about a man submitting to a dominant women. What is very rarely written about is what happens when FemDom is tried with a not naturally dominant women.

A woman who is not naturally dominant may still enjoy role-playing a dominant women for a session or even for a few days. She may get some enjoyment from this herself, or she may be doing it mainly because she knows that her partner very much enjoys it and her enyoyment comes mainly from making her partner happy.

The problem with a non-dominant women having her partner under orgasm denial is that after a while playing the role of the dominant starts to become a chore, and she wants to either end `the game´ or give it a rest for a while.

The problems listed below are most likely to be experienced by couples when the female is not naturally dominant.
 
 
The potential problems of male orgasm denial / ejaculation denial are:
 
After many days of not being allowed to ejaculate the male's erotic energy and his desire for sexual activity becomes very high.

If his high erotic energy has made him feel submissive, then just being made to do something which acknowledges his submission may be enough to keep him happy.

If his partner is naturally dominant it is easy for her to either make him do something that presses his submissive buttons, or to just firmly tell him to behave. While the latter is not an activity, it is an order from his Mistress, and he thus no longer feels ignored.

With many couples, especially when the woman does not want to be dominant all of the time, there will come a stage when she wants to give `the game´ a rest. She does not want to make her partner do something submissive, and she does not want to have to act like a Mistress and be firm. She just wants to forget about all the `sex games´ for a while and have a normal day or evening.

Unfortunately this is most likely to happen near the end of the period of male orgasm denial when the man's erotic energy is at its highest. The man can even feel resentful towards his partner because he has gone to the effort of building up his energy (and may even be thinking that he has done this for her), yet now she wants to ignore that energy.

At worst this can lead to the male having an emotional outburst.
 
When the woman stops feeling and acting dominant, and her partner has very high erotic energy, his energy can be felt as a `demand´ or `expectation´ for sexual activity or, at the very least, as an expectation that she keep acting like a dominant Mistress.

This is most likely when the man is feeling ignored and is sending out these signals.

But the woman can feel this way even if her partner accepts that she is entitled to some time without activity and without acting dominant. In this case she is aware that her partner has high erotic energy, but has misinterpreted how her partner is dealing with his energy and what he is expecting from her.

Once again a period of male orgasm denial can end with an emotional outburst, but this time from the female who is sick and tired of feeling pressured to act like a Mistress. 
 
A milder version of the above problem can arise when a couple go to bed together at night. After many days of male orgasm denial, just getting into bed with his partner (and maybe having a cuddle) can be enough to cause the man to get a very hard erection.

If the woman wants a night without sexual activity, her partner's erection may make her feel uncomfortable.

If the man is expecting some sexual activity, then the woman really is being pressured. She can dominate the situation and make clear that nothing is going to happen. But if she does not want to act dominant then his `demand´ for sex either leads to her giving in, or having to play a dominant role when she resents having to do this. Either way, this is not a good situation for the woman.

In any longer term practice of ejaculation denial the man will know very well that sexual activity will not happen every time the couple go to bed. Even though he may still get an erection, he will accept that nothing further need happen.

But even in this situation his partner may experience his erection as a `demand´ for sex.

She may also feel that being a good partner means that she should keep him satisfied, and that ignoring his erection therefore means she is not being a good partner.

So even when the man fully accepts that nothing further will happen, his erection can still make his partner feel uncomfortable.
 
Practicing male orgasm denial means that the man is always at least slightly horny.

This becomes a problem when his erotic energy becomes so high that it disrupts normal life. This might manifest itself as an inability to properly concentrate when at work, forgetting to buy items while on a shopping trip, or an inability to pay attention while watching TV or a movie.

BDSM-style ejaculation denial can also result in physical symptoms, such as aching balls. If this ache is more than just a gentle background feeling, it can also be a distraction during non-sexual times.
 
One of the benefits of practicing male orgasm denial is that the build up of erotic energy enables a man to feel submissive and to enjoy some activities that he would not otherwise enjoy. When he has very high erotic energy it can be these kinky activities which dominate his thoughts.

His partner may be enjoying having a very horny man under her power and the sexual pleasures that result. But if she does not share her partner's interest in these kinky activities, and he just wants to move beyond ordinary sexual activities into kink, then clearly things are not going to go well.

But problems can also arise even when his partner does enjoy some kinky activities. Especially when ejaculation denial goes on for a long time, or becomes the normal way for a couple to be together, the male can become mainly focussed on the kinkier activities whilst the female may want most of their activities to be non-kinky.

When the male becomes too focussed on kinky activities some of the main benefits of sexual relations within a couple, intimacy and connection, can be lost.

Even if the woman uses her erotic power to ensure that the couple include intimacy in their sex life, these activities will not create real intimacy if her partner would rather be enjoying a kinkier activity.

If the woman feels that her sex life lacks real intimacy she may become less keen on the kinkier activities. This may result in both partners feeling unhappy, the woman because she is not getting enough real intimacy, and the man because he is not able to engage in the kinky activities he enjoys.
 
Male orgasm denial will normally only be practiced by men who appreciate its joys to the extent that they are willing to accept fewer orgasms.

Some men gain part of their enjoyment of orgasm denial from the fact that their partner is making them miss out on the pleasure of having an orgasm.

But for those who enjoy ejaculation denial mainly for the way it enhances the intensity of giving and receiving sexual pleasures, missing out on orgasms has no benefit in itself, but is simply a cost of not ejaculating.
 
 
You can discuss the problems of BDSM-style ejaculation denial at the forum here.

I welcome any suggestions on how to improve this page.