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Last updated: 24 June 2008
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New words for talking about sex

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Why these words were chosen
All the traditional words for talking about sex are either cold and clinical, or strange and sound silly, or are associated with vulgar speech. I wanted something friendly and sexy.
The reason I chose some new words for talking about sex was that I was not happy with any of the traditional words. Before saying why each new word was chosen, I say why I rejected all the traditional words.

Why I rejected the usual words

The first option I considered for well-known words to use on this site were the `respectable´ words - penis, vagina, intercourse etc.

I find these words far too cold and clinical to feel they would be good to use in the bedroom, or even when a couple are just talking about sex.

"Can I kiss your vagina?" does not, to me, sound very sexy.

"Would you like some cunnilingus?" sounds even worse!

I do not want this site to read like a text book. While it is very much a `how to do´ site, I think my message gets across much better if it is also slightly sexy to read as you are learning.

The second option I considered were the Tantric words yoni (for vagina) and lingam (for penis).

Though Devotional Sex has been partly created from Eastern practices, I have written about Devotional Sex only using normal western language. Unless a couple want to explore full Tantric sex, yoni and lingam do not, for me, feel appropriate.

"Can I kiss your yoni?" just sounds too strange.

The third option was to use common slang words. Early drafts of this text used pussy (for vagina), and cock (for penis). I thought that this was the best solution so far as these are words
a loving couple might use when talking to each other about sex in the bedroom.

"Can I kiss your pussy?" is, to me, very sexy while not being crude.

"Will you hold my cock?" sounds real, but is not the perfect solution as many find it too vulgar.

The problem with using these slang words is that many readers of the early drafts of this site found these words uncomfortable. The word cock was a particular problem, and no-one could suggest a friendlier slang word to use instead.

The novelist Christos Tsiolkas stated the problem clearly on Australian TV when he said "As a writer there is the problem with words about sex. When your talking about an abusive moment, or a difficult moment in your writing, you can use the hard words. You can use cock. You can use fuck. You can use cunt. When your writing about loving sex it becomes more difficult about what choices you make about words."

As Devotional Sex is all about loving sex, the hard words are inappropriate.

Why these new words
What I wanted were some friendly and sexy words that were not cold and clinical, not strange sounding or silly, and not associated with vulgar speech. I could not find any suitable traditional words.

So I invented some new words.

These new, friendly words work very well both when writing and talking about sex, and in the bedroom.

As you get used to reading the new words, and maybe start to use them in your home sex talk, try to notice if their use changes the way you think about sex. The words we use really can make a difference!

Though I encourage all Devotee couples to use these new words, of course every couple can use whatever words they wish when talking about, or living, Devotional Sex.
Why each word was chosen
Desire (for penis) works particularly well within Devotional Sex. A hard Desire is the manifestation of a Knight's sexual arousal (ie desire!). (More)
Pleasure (for vagina) also works well because her Pleasure gives both the Princess and her Knight pleasure. (More)
Kiss (for using the mouth, lips, and tongue) works well for both using the mouth on the body and for oral sex. (More)
Joy (for intercourse). I needed a good word for a Desire entering a Pleasure, and Joy fits the bill. (More)
Climax (for an orgasm with loss of sexual energy - orgasm with ejaculation for the male) is an appropriate word because it captures both the peak of excitement, and the fact that it is also the end of activity. (More)
Crest (for orgasms without loss of sexual energy - a non-ejaculatory orgasm for the male). Crest is an appropriate word as it is a high-point, which may have one or more other high-points ahead. (More)
Play (for touching with the hands) is already used in normal sex talk (for example, "Would you play with him?"). It also makes the sexual touching sound fun, and is a good match for Joy.
Bud (for anus) makes talking about anal sexual play feel less associated with its waste outlet function. Those interested in this sensitive area can now talk about Bud Play, Bud Joy, and Bud Kissing.
Common terms still used

I have not invented any new words when a common term feels (to me) suitable to use both in bed and when talking and writing about sex.

Common terms still used on this site include: breast, nipple, clit (for clitoris), lips (vulva), head (the head of the Desire), and balls (testicles).

Discuss these new words at the forum
Continue to  New words for talking about sexual positions
New words for talking about sex   |   More about Devotional Sex   |   Chapter 1: Introduction
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