Last updated: 24 June
All the traditional words for
talking about sex are either cold and clinical, or strange and sound
silly, or are associated with vulgar speech. I wanted something
friendly and sexy.
I chose some new words for
talking about sex was that I was not happy with any of the traditional
words. Before saying why each new word was chosen, I say why I rejected
all the traditional words.
Why I rejected the usual words
option I considered for
well-known words to use on this site were the `respectable´
- penis, vagina, intercourse etc.
these words far too
cold and clinical to feel they would be good to use in the bedroom, or
a couple are just talking about sex.
"Can I kiss your vagina?" does not, to me, sound very sexy.
"Would you like some cunnilingus?" sounds even worse!
I do not want this site to read like a text book. While it is very much
a `how to do´ site, I think my message gets across much
better if it is
also slightly sexy to read as you are learning.
The second option I considered were the Tantric words yoni (for vagina)
and lingam (for penis).
Though Devotional Sex has been partly created from Eastern practices, I
have written about Devotional Sex only using normal western
language. Unless a couple
want to explore full Tantric sex, yoni and lingam do not, for me, feel
"Can I kiss your yoni?" just sounds too strange.
The third option was to use common slang words. Early drafts of this
text used pussy (for vagina), and cock (for penis). I thought that this
was the best
solution so far as these are words a loving couple
might use when talking to each other about sex in the bedroom.
"Can I kiss your pussy?" is, to me, very sexy while not being crude.
"Will you hold my cock?" sounds real, but is not the perfect solution
as many find it too vulgar.
The problem with using these slang words is that many readers of the
early drafts of this site found these words uncomfortable. The word cock was a particular
problem, and no-one could suggest a friendlier slang word to use
The novelist Christos Tsiolkas
stated the problem clearly on Australian TV when he said "As a writer
there is the problem with words about sex. When your talking about an
abusive moment, or a difficult moment in your writing, you can use the
hard words. You can use cock. You can use fuck. You can use cunt. When
your writing about loving sex it becomes more difficult about what
choices you make about words."
As Devotional Sex is all about loving sex, the hard words are inappropriate.
Why these new wordsWhat I wanted were some friendly and sexy words that were not
cold and clinical, not strange sounding or silly, and not associated
speech. I could not find any suitable traditional words.
So I invented some new words.
These new, friendly words work
very well both when writing and talking about sex, and in the bedroom.
As you get
reading the new words, and maybe start to use them in your home sex
talk, try to notice if their use changes the way you
think about sex. The words we use really can make a difference!
Though I encourage all Devotee couples to use these new words, of
course every couple
can use whatever words they wish when talking about, or living,
Desire (for penis) works particularly
within Devotional Sex. A hard Desire is the manifestation of a Knight's
sexual arousal (ie desire!). (More)
Pleasure (for vagina) also works well because her Pleasure gives both the Princess and her Knight pleasure. (More)
using the mouth, lips, and tongue) works well for both using the mouth
on the body and for oral sex. (More)
Joy (for intercourse). I needed a good word for a Desire entering a Pleasure, and Joy fits the bill. (More)
Climax (for an orgasm with loss of
sexual energy - orgasm with ejaculation for the male) is an appropriate
word because it captures both the peak of excitement, and the fact that
it is also the end of activity. (More)
Crest (for orgasms without loss of
sexual energy - a non-ejaculatory orgasm for the male). Crest is an
appropriate word as it is a high-point, which may have one or more
other high-points ahead. (More)
touching with the hands) is already used in normal sex talk (for
example, "Would you play with him?"). It also makes the sexual touching
sound fun, and is a good match for Joy. Bud
(for anus) makes talking about anal sexual play feel less associated
with its waste outlet function. Those interested in this sensitive area
can now talk about Bud Play, Bud Joy, and Bud Kissing.
I have not invented any new words when a common term feels (to me)
suitable to use both in bed and when talking and writing about sex.
Common terms still used on this site include: breast, nipple, clit (for
clitoris), lips (vulva), head (the head of the Desire), and balls