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Vanilla Sex

Chapter 2: Vanilla Sex
My definition of Vanilla Sex
For this site I have extended the conventional meaning of the term vanilla sex, defining it as:
`Sexual activity which does not involve any advanced sexual technique´
Thus Vanilla Sex is sexual activity without any BDSM, Taoist practices, Tantric practices, Devotional Sex practices, or any other advanced sexual techniques.

Activities ruled out by excluding BDSM include dominance and submission, giving and receiving of pain, humiliation, bondage, and other fetishes. Excluding Taoist practices means no steps towards the multi-orgasmic man technique. Excluding Tantric Sex means no development of connection as a part of sex, no slow and sensual sex, and a focus on orgasm rather than on the pleasures before orgasm.

The biggest change from other uses of the term vanilla sex is that this definition rules out using even mild parts of any of the advanced techniques. Though most people who enjoy good conventional sex might not know it, the reason that their conventional sex is good is that they have taken at least one or two steps towards one or more advanced techniques.

What is left when all traces of all the advanced techniques are removed is sexual activity at its most basic - the well below average part of conventional sex.

So, on this site, Vanilla Sex is the below-average part of conventional sex.

The Vanilla Sexual attitudes and activities presented later in this chapter all describe this most basic level of sex.

The section on better sex by only tasting the advanced techniques then shows how basic sex can be enhanced to become more sensual, erotic, and fun.


The usual meanings of vanilla sex

One common meaning of vanilla sex is `sexual activity which does not involve any BDSM´. Some may use the words kinky sex instead of BDSM. Naturally this definition is only used by those familiar with BDSM / kinky activities.

With this definition all sexual activity is either kinky or vanilla.

Though full Tantric sex is very different from conventional sex, it is not regarded as being kinky sex. Hence, when vanilla sex is defined as not kinky sex, a couple practicing full Tantric sex would be described as being vanilla. 

Another common meaning of vanilla sex is `just conventional sex´.

A couple enjoying full Tantric sex are, by this definition, not vanilla, because full Tantric sex is not conventional sex.

A big problem with this definition is that one person's conventional sex may be another person's idea of kinky sex.

For example, a sexually conservative person may think that it is kinky and adventurous to have sex with the lights on. Yet for many people sex with the lights on may be so normal that they cannot see how anyone could think it is even slightly kinky.

As well as individual differences, the norms of society at any time strongly effect what is and is not considered to be conventional sex.

In many western countries oral sex was once thought of as being deviant behavior. In fact in the United States oral sex (even for married couples) is still illegal in Alabama, Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Mississippi, Georgia, North and South Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, Utah, Virginia and Washington D.C.

The norms of society have changed, and most people (even where oral sex is still illegal) would now think of oral sex as being part of conventional sexual behavior.

For further information on the conventional meanings of vanilla sex see the Wikipedia article at:

Why I extended the usual meanings of Vanilla Sex

There are two reasons why my extension of the usual meaning of vanilla sex is useful:

Firstly, with the conventional meanings it is unclear whether or not full Tantric sex is vanilla or not vanilla. My extension makes clear that full Tantric sex is not vanilla.

Secondly, by excluding even mild uses of advanced sexual techniques, it now becomes clear why there is a difference between good and bad conventional sex. (More)

Back to  Chapter 2: Vanilla Sex

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