Tease & Denial compared to DevS

Discussion and questions about Chapter 14

Tease & Denial compared to DevS

Postby Devotional Sex » Sat Aug 12, 2017 2:22 pm

A recent blog post by The Chaste Cyclist said in part:
MrsL enjoyed a full hour massage then several orgasms while relaxing on the table. This resulted in an eventful evening of edging and denial for yours truly ....

For the next hour she teased and edged me without ever once touching the rigid throbbing penis. She started by telling me to imagine I was securely locked inside her Steelheart (a chastity device) because that is what she was imagining. Since her cock was inside imaginary steel…she couldn’t touch it. So she used my nipples and balls as her point of teasing.

After she had him give her four orgasms from oral sex, she said:
“Too bad you have to get off of me and not use that erection tonight. Sweet Dreams.”

Damn! Horny as all get out and told to go to sleep. She is still in a “hands off” mode right now. I am going mad!

You can read the full blog entry at https://thechastecyclist.com/2017/08/11/edging-without-touching/

This is clearly a couple having mutually enjoyable tease and denial fun.

This couple have been influenced by Devotional Sex (see their blog). And one big difference is that before she used to have him locked in a chastity cage and only let him out when she wanted to let him ejaculate, whilst now they are having times when he isn’t locked but doesn’t get to ejaculate.

So this is an example of where a couple have been influenced by my writing to explore something new. I think they are also a good example of a couple taking information from many sources and exploring what mix of things works best for them.

So no criticism intended about what they are doing. But I thought their post provides a good example of healthy real-life tease and denial (ie not porn fantasy) as compared to Pure Devotional Sex (ie Devotional Sex without any added bits from other techniques).

What we see with this couple is that he enjoys being teased (ie getting aroused but not getting relief from his energy) and she enjoys denying him (ie not only saying words to make this clear but then once she has finished her orgasms him being told just to go to sleep).

So how is Devotional Sex different?

With Pure Devotional Sex she knows that he enjoys any activity while he is aroused, so him giving her oral sex is a mutual pleasure.

That this ends without him ejaculating isn’t felt as denial by either because by saying he wants to be her Knight he has committing to not ejaculate at the end of most sessions. And in fact if a Princess asks her Knight whether or not he wants to ejaculate at the end of a session her Knight will often reply that he doesn’t - he prefers to maintain his energy.

Chaste Cyclist enjoys feeling frustrated and denied because that is his kink.

Pure Devotional Sex isn’t kinky (it isn’t expecting men to enjoy being denied).

What happens when a session ends within Devotional Sex is that the Princess takes hold of her Knight’s erection and they enjoy a Devotional Cuddle.

The Devotional Cuddle enables her Knight to direct his energy into intense feelings of intimacy and connection. I’ve called this Exaltation - it’s like an emotional orgasm which is as enjoyable (albeit in a different way) as an ejaculation.

And once his energy calms he feels Adoration - relaxed intimacy and connection.

Once a Knight has learned to feel Exaltation and Adoration he doesn’t feel frustrated. And he doesn’t feel at all denied because her holding his erection and cuddling him makes him feel very close and very loved by his Princess.

If one night after licking her to orgasm his Princess didn’t give him a Devotional Cuddle or even a cuddle, and she just rolled away and told him to go to sleep, he would feel both rejected and frustrated - both strong negatives.

So there is a huge difference between tease and denial and Pure Devotional Sex. I’m not saying one technique is better than the other. If the tease and denial dynamic works best for a couple then that is the best technique for them.

But if tease and denial is NOT attractive to either or both of you, understanding the very different dynamic and feel of Pure Devotional Sex gives you a new option which you may wish to explore. As Devotional Sex is just about better sex and increased intimacy and connection, it is something that vanilla couples, or those with one vanilla person, can enjoy.

I welcome any questions or comments.

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Re: Tease & Denial compared to DevS

Postby mrrigid » Sun Aug 13, 2017 3:35 am

Aaah, one of my favorite topics! Certainly this is an area where a man's emotions and wishes can get a bit murky. When a Princess takes her hands off her Knight's Desire, and says, "That's all...", it certainly is a kind of frustratiing denial - at least the denial of further attention that he would very much enjoy.

But I think you get to the key here:
If a Princess asks her Knight whether or not he wants to ejaculate at the end of a session her Knight will often reply that he doesn’t - he prefers to maintain his energy.

Often in such situations, Mrsrigid will ask if I want to climax. I'll usually answer something like, "That's okay, maybe next time." But she isn't choosing to deny me against my wishes.

In Chaste Cyclist's case, I'm not 100% sure how he would answer the question of whether he wants to be released. As you say, he clearly enjoys the feelings he's experiencing.

On the 'net though, the phrase "Teasing and Denial" is so well known, it's common to see it refer to any non-ejaculatory stimulation, no matter what the context.Perhaps that's progress of a sort in a world that expects ejaculation at the end of every sexual encounter.
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Re: Tease & Denial compared to DevS

Postby Devotional Sex » Tue Aug 15, 2017 5:59 pm

Thanks for the comment.

In his next post Chaste Cyclist wrote:
Recently, I asked her to add a "begging" aspect to relationship. Specifically, I wanted her to make me beg to NOT have an ejaculation while she is playing with her cock or wants me inside her.

I think the bit I've highlighted really brings out the difference between submissive and Knight.

A submissive wants her to make him ....

This can be feelings (eg I want you to make me feel submissive / humiliated etc). Or it can be doing things or not doing things (eg I want you to make me give you oral sex / last ages without ejaculation).

With DevS he commits to far fewer ejaculations and with his increased energy he wants to do lots of things. As he wants to do lots all of the time he gives her control of what happens and when.

So she isn't making him do anything, rather when she thinks she would enjoy something (or wants to make him happy) she ALLOWS him to do one of the things he wants to do.

And as he wants to do things, she doesn't need to act or feel dominant to allow something to happen.

This is a nice way for a man to work out at any time if he is thinking as a submissive or a Pure Knight. Does he want her to make him do something or allow him to do something?

As for when she takes her hands of his erection after sexual activity, for me it all depends what stage I'm at when she does this.

If I am at the very high energy stage I would feel rejected and also some frustration.

But once I've reached the Adoration stage, though of course I would like her to keep holding for longer, I'm then calm enough to not feel rejected or frustrated.

In real-life some couples may enjoy a few moments of her showing her control by having him feel a bit denied. And there is nothing wrong about doing this if both enjoy it.
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Re: Tease & Denial compared to DevS

Postby RevSir » Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:48 pm

I also read the same post and was thinking something similar, that he was being made to do things (which is what he wants and likes).

The other thing that struck me was that she was 'fucking with his mind', so that she was keeping his mind in a spin, beg to cum, beg not to cum, fuck me harder, stop moving. All this is about exerting control, showing who's in charge that he is hers to control.

The idea that in devotional sex it is about allowing him to ... rather than telling him to ... The power of a princess is not about controlling her cock and the brain attached to it but setting the pace, the overall direction. Not sure if that says what I want to express.

I wonder if another way to put it is-
Tease and denial is focused on the genitals, the urge to ejaculate, the desire for this to not happen, the brain enjoying the control and the confusion in the male of wanting one thing but really wanting another.

Devotional sex is focused on intimacy, the devotion to make the other happy, to satisfy the other sensually, sexually, emotionally and both using the erotic energy of the male to empower this.
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Re: Tease & Denial compared to DevS

Postby Devotional Sex » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:41 pm

This is a great discussion - hearing differnet views is what leads me to either change my mind or to explain things better.

I think the biggest impediment for submissive men getting their partner (or finding someone) to fulfill their desires is that what they want requires their partner to feel (or at least act) like they want to MAKE their partner do as they say.

If I had asked any of my Princess's to make me beg they would all have ignored my request. For having him beg to be mutually fun he has to want to be made to beg and she has to enjoy making him beg. She has to be dominant, he has to be submissive.

(The other thing totally stuffed with most submissives fantasies is that if their partner is going to be into Dom/sub they want her Dom (where if she likes this kink she is more likely to be submissive) and if she is Dom, she is to meant to make him do what he wants her to make him do (with no consideration at all that her preference may be to do a whole set of kinks different from what he wants). So most subs are wanting their partner to be a professional dominatrix who works for free.)

With all my DevS with many Princesses (apart from one) I have great trouble thinking of a time when she made me do something I didn't want to do. She might surprise me so that I do as she wishes from habit before my energy builds and I become eager - but she knows that I'll soon be eager and enjoying it. The challenge for a Knight is times of not doing or stopping activity.

And starting DevS with many different women has all been about me saying 'this is what I do (eg don't ejacualte), and I like all of these things (which can happen without other things following), so it's up to you what happens.'

What you say about her setting the pace, what happens, etc is of course spot on.

The focus on intimacy is also spot on. I've never had a partner who has wanted to dominate me, humiliate me, or deny me. But they have all enjoyed the amazing intimacy of Devotional Cuddles after sex ends or just having a Devotional Cuddle and nothing else. At first they think that my not ejaculating is strange. But then they discover that I enjoy the immediate after sex Devotional Cuddle as much as the sex, and they understand.

I think T&D is also focussed on kink. To explain why someone likes the denial part they have to explain why they like feeling denied, controlled, and frustrated.

Tonight I'm still very keen on the idea of the difference between ALLOW to happen and MAKE him do. It seems to really bring out, to me now, the difference between sub and Knight.

This is just a quick reply so I might think of ways of saying things better later on.
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