Ejaculation Denial and Devotional Sex

[Devotional Sex]

This topic is for discussing how Devotional Sex calms the high erotic energy of BDSM-style ejaculation denial to create a different lifestyle, one where the female does not need to be dominant. How Devotional Sex does this is presented in Chapter 14 of the website here.

(If you want to discuss BDSM-style ejaculation denial without Devotional Sex, please go to this topic.)

This is the place in the forum to ask questions about and to discuss the relationship between Devotional Sex and ejaculation denial.

More than 25 people have visited this page to see see what others have said, but, so far, no-one has posted a comment or question. How about breaking the ice and starting the discussion! I look forward to hearing from you.

[nikki987689]

Hi,

I really enjoy your website, and want to thank you for putting it together. After reading, I've come to realize that my husband and I are basically beginning to practice elements of devotional sex. We have been experimenting with D/s over just the past few months, but seem to have transitioned to something more like devotional sex. We don't use the same words/commands, but basically a lot of our interactions follow these devotional sex guidelines. I do prefer the devotional aspect much more than the Domme role since I'm not really dominant by nature (and most of our play was at his urging).

I had a question about what to do when my husband accidentally ejaculates without permission. Of course, he doesn't want to go against my wishes, and he is usually very much able to control his ejaculations. However, occasionally he disappoints me (and himself) by ejaculating when I have told him that he may not. I assume that "accidents" happen now and then, except for maybe the most practiced of knights. You say that ejaculations should be celebrated, and also that there is no real punishment aspect to devotional sex. Would instituting a rule that required my husband to eat his ejaculate anytime he accidentally ejaculates fall outside the "guidelines" of devotional sex?

I should point out that this is not one of his hard limits. He absolutely does not enjoy consuming his ejaculate after he has an orgasm, however, so it would indeed be a bit of a punishment. Am I wrong to feel like there should be some consequence (beyond his and my own disappointment/shame) if he accidentally cums?

Also, if I am playing with him, and realize that he is passed the point of no return but he has not been granted permission to cum, should I immediately cease all activity and let the orgasm be "ruined"? Or would a princess switch into celebration mode, and continue pleasuring him so that his ejaculation is full and complete? I don't enjoy punishing or dominating him, really, and I understand that it's not really part of devotional sex. But again I feel like there should be some consequence if he ejaculates without permission.

I know there's not one answer to these questions, but I'm trying to understand what fits within the devotional sex guidelines.

Thanks,
Nikki

[Devotional Sex]

Welcome to the forum Nikki!

I'll tell you more about the pure Devotional Sex views, but what is important for you and your husband is to discover what works best for you both. If a little bit different from Devotional Sex works best for you both, then you are doing the right thing!

I'm sure that you are not the only couple where you enjoy the Princess role whilst he would really prefer you to be his BDSM Mistress. Devotional Sex then becomes a happy compromise where he gets some of his 'needs' fulfilled and you get some fun and benefits from his being your Knight. Of course there is no need for you to use any of the Devotional Sex words or commands if you prefer your own words.

You can compare training his erection to your both training a dog. He is the main trainer of the dog, but what you do either greatly helps the training or can harm the training. So when you and he both want the dog to be well behaved, and the dog fails, you are both disappointed. Punishing him for ejaculating without permission is like punishing him for the dog misbehaving - not very useful.

Note that a Knight should let his Princess know if he is approaching the point-of-no-return. He should let her know BEFORE it is too late. The Princess then either stops or eases back on the stimulation, or says "Good, I want you to cum now". (She NEVER tells him not to cum and then stimulates him to try to make him disobey.)

So when he ejaculates without permission in Devotional Sex it should be just his disappointment and feeling of failing which is all that is needed to inspire him to try to better train his erection.

Another problem with punishing him is that for a submissive man the punishment may really be what he wants. He is then likely to either deliberately or perhaps subconsciously ejaculate when he should not so that he can 'enjoy' the punishment.

If you really want to train his erection and have him strive to be a better Knight, then it is much more effective to not punish/reward him after an unwanted ejaculation.

One part of being a Princess is to ensure that your Knight stays wanting to be your Knight. One way of doing this is to give him the occasional BDSM style treat. Explore with your husband what treats he would like, then you can decide which of these you might sometimes do with him (and as Princess you can ignore the things that you really don't like).

The Tantric component of Devotional Sex says that the ejaculation should always be enjoyed. But perhaps your husband also has a strong BDSM interest, and he would really enjoy it if sometimes you made him have a ruined orgasm. If so, then you can sometimes tell him that you are going to make him cum, but it will be a ruined orgasm. But make clear that this is a reward for him being a good Knight - that you are allowing him to prove his devotion to you.

Making him eat his own cum is a popular kink, and there is a section on this in the website.

Once again I recommend that if you make him do this it is seen as a reward, and so it will only happen after a controlled ejaculation.

Remember that the mind of the male submissive is very complex. Being made to do something he does not like can generate very strong submissive feeling that he craves. Don't get tricked into thinking that he is being punished when you make him feel very submissive.

I hope the above is helpful. Please feel free to ask any further questions, and it would be great if you post back one day and let us all know how it goes.

Happy exploring,
Michael

[nikki987689]

Many thanks for your thoughtful response. We have been progressing with our DS-inspired relationship, and it's going very well. I must admit that I occasionally was telling him not to cum, and then stimulating him near the edge anyway as a test of his control... and occasionally a bit too far, it seems. Now that I have ceased this at your suggestion, there have been far fewer "accidents".

That said, in the rare few times when an accident does happen and it's clear that the line has been crossed, I have found it best to quickly change gears and let it become a ruined orgasm instead of finishing him off. Yes, this does seem like a punishment in part, but it helps contribute to his disappointment and feeling of failing that you mention. At this point, after failing, it's clear that he feels very disappointed, and I can tell that he needs some activity to re-demonstrate his devotion. I usually give him a Devotional Cuddle to comfort him, but first I usually have him lick up the mess as an act of devotion. Then, his clear feelings of having let us both down are accompanied by a strong sense of devotion.

I was quite amazed at the depth and coverage of the topic about making him eat his own cum. I think the freezing aspect is a bit too involved for us, but to each his own! I found it quite curious that you say that you yourself have never participated in this Enhancement, yet you are quite an expert on the subject!

Thanks!
Nikki

[Devotional Sex]

Great to hear from you again Nikki, and I'm very pleased that things are going so well for you both.

Turning an accident into a ruined orgasm is a step towards BDSM, but ending with the intimacy and connection of a Devotional Cuddle is pure Devotional Sex. Perhaps you have found the perfect balance for you both!

The freezing aspect of eating cum is mainly for men who loose all submissive feelings after they ejaculate. Having to eat my own cum when I am still aroused would be a challenging adventure for me. But as I loose all my submissiveness after ejaculation I don't think I could eat my own cum fresh. In your case you don't need to bother with freezing (unless you want to surprise him at a restaurant one day).

The reason the pages on eating his own cum are so comprehensive is that Google listed the page when it was only a few lines, and people started arriving at this near empty page. I felt I had better write more, and when I did this attracted even more hits. So I've now done a fair amount of work on them.

Please feel free to share with the forum anything else that works well for you both.

Happy exploring,
Michael

[nikki987689]

Yes, my husband also finds it difficult to eat his cum after ejaculation... which is precisely why him doing so becomes a stronger and more meaningful act of devotion for us both!

It's clearly easier for him after a ruined orgasm, because he still has a high amount of erotic energy and an erection... accompanied with disappointment, of course. But after a full ejaculation, his submission disappears, as you mention.

Nevertheless, every now and then I ask him to "clean up" as a sign of devotion. We have a sort of unspoken agreement that if he comes on my Bud, he knows I will request some cleanup. As such, prior to cumming, he essentially is in control over whether his cleanup services will be requested. When I say "come now", he can avoid my Bud... or he can come on my Bud, knowing that I'll expect some cleanup. In the heat of the moment, though, I think the Bud option seems attractive to him; he often regrets his decision, but always follows through because he is such a devoted Knight.

I'm really not dominant by nature, and I don't really feel like letting an accidental orgasm become ruined is an act of dominance. It's just the easiest option, and enhances the disappointment. And while some of our activities may overlap with BDSM, we've pretty much adopted the Devotional mind-set.

Thanks again for your fine resource,
Nikki

[Devotional Sex]

I think you are a little bit more dominant than any of my Princesses, and I'm a little bit less submissive than your husband.

It is great to read what can happen when the dynamic is just a little bit stronger.

Even though I've not experienced what you enjoy, I can imagine how powerful and wonderful it must feel.

I'm very happy that my website has made a difference!

Michael