Happy Husband

Discussion and questions about Chapter 15

Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Jan 16, 2017 12:15 am

Happy Husband submitted to my Tumblr, in about November 2016:
My wife and i have started practicing devotional sex and it has been an incredible journey. She is the one who asked if I would be ok with devotional sex and I answered yes. I am 29 and she is 28. We love your blog.

I’m very happy with what we are doing. We practice devotional sex permanently. Her orgasm cum first and she decides when I get to cum. She loves to play with me in the morning. @ night we usually have some sexual practice and then she cums.

I usually cum once a week. Which I find I struggle with. Often I get a ruined orgasm to relive the tension not because of her wanting me to be punished. But rather to turn down my tension a bit and my energy for her.

I replied:
I’m delighted to hear that you are both enjoying Devotional Sex. With about 30% of couples who now live Devotional Sex it was initiated by the female, so it being your wife’s suggestion to start isn’t unusual.

I don’t include ruined orgasms in my writing about DevS because they are missing out on pleasure. Of course you can both keep doing them if this works best for you, but the two things I recommend are that you ejaculate more often and that you learn to tame your erotic energy so that when sex ends rather than feeling frustration your energy is directed towards intimacy and connection. Getting a Devotional Cuddle at the end of sex makes it much easier to do this.

When the energy is tamed then during normal times during the day you don’t feel ‘blue balls’ or on edge, but instead a pleasant energy which adds zest to all of your life. And as you get better at taming your energy you can go longer without ejaculating.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Jan 16, 2017 12:19 am

Happy Husbands writes:
Thanks for your feedback. We had a discussion after your advise. And my wife and I have both agreed that i should be allowed to have more orgasms during the week. We going start with two for now.

Younger men need to ejaculate more often than older men, so I recommend that at 30 a beginner cum about every 2 days, and an experienced Knight about every 4 days. So starting off with once a week would have been very challenging.

Note that it works best if he never knows when she will have him cum - so her sometimes having him cum after only 1 day or sometimes taking him up to 7 works well.
My wife has also started incorporating the “cuddle."

Out of curiosity is a cuddle just holding or does the wife have full blanket on doing what she wants i.e. she can give a blow job (with or without an orgasms as an example).

During a session she can have any sex she wants (as long as she also keeps him happy). So this is when she can give him a oral sex, etc.

The challenge for a new Knight is what happens after a session ends and, as it ends without him ejaculating, he is still aroused and eager. This is when having a final cuddle with her holding his erection makes a big difference to the Knight, as her holding his erection feels to him that she is accepting his energy and desire. With a bit of practice he learns to not feel any frustration during this final cuddle but instead direct all his energy into feel intimacy and connection.

When his energy is high I call this Exaltation - it is like having an emotional orgasm.
With regards to the ruined orgasm we both feel that it helps me, and in fact enhances my energy. So my wife wants to continue with it, which I am happy to oblige.

It will be interesting to see whether or not you still want to do ruined orgasms once you have learned to turn your energy into intimacy and connection without frustration.
We have both found that devotional sex is the way to go. My wife was doing research on femdom or female led relationship and it is just demoing and not what we wanted. She just wanted to have her orgasm to be on top of the list of thing when it came to sexual activities, and of course, which husband does not like seeing his wife enjoying her pleasure during an intimate time.

Though femdom and FLR are popular male fantasies neither is what most women want. As Devotional Sex is much more female friendly and it doesn’t require her to act nor feel dominant, I’ve found that many women are keen or willing to try it.
I wanted to know how would one deal with, for lack of a better word, have an non-authorized orgasm. I am not talking about being punished, but my wife has been upset that I had an orgasm without her allowing me.

Especially when first exploring DevS, accidents will happen. But with practice his control gets better and they don’t happen very often.

Him deliberately ejaculating without her wishing this to happen is him failing to live up to his Knightly commitment. If he is serious about being her Knight then he will feel that he has let both him and her down - that is the punishment. Hopefully this lapse will encourage him to strive to be a better Knight in the future.
Thanks for your feedback again.

Thanks for the questions and the opportunity to tell Tumblr readers a bit more about how DevS works in practice.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Jan 16, 2017 12:25 am

In December, 2016, Happy Husband wrote:
Thanks again for your insight it has help us a lot. Just an update of our development.

My wife and I have recreated our ideas about how it should all work. effectively this came about. Your input and my wife’s appetite for more orgasm (do women usually want more orgasms in a devotional sex relationship).

A typical week for her is that she will get to have an orgasm or two (she can’t handle more than that because it becomes too sensitive) in the morning and in the evening. Effectively getting 3 - 4 orgasm a on a daily basis. This happens during the week. What we found interesting is that she now struggles to fall asleep if she does not have an orgasm (which I find funny as in a LOL funny).

During the weekend however it is more relaxed and this is usually when I get the attention. However, my wife usually changes thing up (as per your suggestions). So there could be a day where I get to have an orgasm twice or even four times and there are other times where I don’t get anything for a couple of days or up to a week.

The ruined orgasm is being used less however when I go for more a prolonged session of not being allowed to orgasm then I usually get a ruined orgasm during that time period as my wife can see I need some relief. This will usually happens before I give her an orgasm so that she can cuddle or fall asleep afterwards without worrying. She has also asked me not to touch myself unless she allows it.

What is interesting is that this lifestyle is actually not interfering with our normal life. We stilled do the couples thing ie date night, hanging with friends, gym, outdoors activities etc….. once again this devS is a much better way of life for us. As mentioned previously we were not comfortable with other scenarios that dealt with inflicting pain. It took to much time and did not fit in our life style or our personality.

Last remark will send an update early next year.

Thanks for the update!

What happens when couples Live Devotional Sex in fact varies fairly widely. The results of my Oral Sex Survey make for fascinating reading (at least I think so).
(The other key survey I sometimes give numbers from is my Orgasm Survey - but I’ve not written up the results for that yet.)

I wonder if your friends have noticed any difference with you as a couple? Your both having a much better sex life combined with significant intimacy and connection can make you appear like a couple who have just met.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:12 am

Happy Husband writes:
My Crazy Holidays:

Hello all again.

My wife (my wife has also added to this post) and I promised an update in January to tell DevS couples how our journey is going with DevS.

So just a recap we are not a conventional DevS in that my wife also gives me ruined orgasm from time to time, however everything else is DevS practice i.e. We both understand mutual pleasure, cuddles etc... ok now for the crazy.

So before we went on holidays my wife wanted to see her friends before we left on holiday (all of my friends had already left - different industries) and so we decided to host them over. It was a great dinner with of course a little to much wine and during pudding my wife start talking about how we have been following a DevS relationship wherein my wife's orgasm is paramount.

All of her friends looked towards me as if to say wow. So my wife told them how she would have between 2 - 3 orgasm a day while I got to orgasm at her wish. She also started to talk about Affirmation and how the man must be fully shaved. And her friends (I must say her friends are quiet out there - very open minded) could not believe what my wife was saying.

And so it happened, my wife asked me to remove my clothes and I complied. I was so horny and hard (of course the alcohol made things very steamy). Anyway I am naked in the garden with my wife's friend flabbergasted that I just took off my clothes and that I listened to my wife).

We then moved to the swimming pool for more drinks (well me getting more drinks) all the while being naked. My wife told me that when I went to fetch all her friends the drink, her friends said to her "Does he really go down on you without getting an orgasm back?"

So I returned with the alcohol and my wife said to me honey baby please come here and lick me, I nearly dropped all the drinks. But like I said my wife's friends are very open people they have all been naked in front of each other (at least that's what my wife tells me - lol). So of course I gladly obliged.

My wife also asked her friends while I was fetching the alcohol they would be ok with me giving her an orgasm in front of hem to show them DevS. So here I am naked hard as f*** (pardon my French) and licking my wife.

After she came she saw I was super hard and said to me in front of her friends "not tonight my love."

So that was the start of the holiday. I was so hard and was so heightened that night. Crazy right!!

My wife and discussed what happens with her friends and I must say that both her and I seemed perfectly fine with what happened. She said she has never felt so "alive" and that her orgasms were really powerful.

For our holiday we decided to go to the beach for week and relax. It was a tough year and we just wanted to sleep.

During our time on holiday another crazy thing happen, of course while being a bit tipsy (it seems crazy adventures start when you have a few :)) Anyway my wife saw this couple and said she wanted to play. As I understand a wife in a DevS relationship can have sex with other guys if the husband or boyfriend is ok about it. I am pretty open and had no problem.

Anyway cutting a long story short, the couple were invited back to our holiday house. Things of course were getting hot. My wife however called me aside and said to me that she wanted a threesome with the couple and that she wanted to be alone with them. My wife said that however she will make it up to me in another way, soon. I said ok and she kissed me. So I made an excuse that I had forgotten my wallet at the bar and left the house (the one thing I did ask my wife was to send pics, messages and make sure protection was used).

Anyway I came back home a couple of hours later and the couple left. My wife was beaming. Apparently they had a great time (details are omitted as my wife said that was her intimate time. Although I was told everything etc... ). So when I arrived home my wife took me to bed and said I am really tired so let's spoon with your cock in me (idea from the DevS Tumblr site) and I will tell you everything in the morning.

The last night of the holidays the same thing happened however this time it was with two guys and one extra girl. Once again my wife asked nicely that I let her be. I once again obliged. Now you must understand I have not cum for while (it was the day before her friends experience). So of course I was hard as hell. Details again omitted of what happened (I don't want to write a romantic story or a porno etc... hence why details are omitted).

So finally we return home and my wife said I think it's your turn to have some fun, so unknown to me my wife had organised (again idea came from DevS Tumblr) her friends to come over for the night again. The same thing sort of happened wherein I went done on my wife in front of her friends. While I was going down on her one of her friends had said “wow I wished I had this in my life”.

After my wife came she whispered in my ear, “it's fun time” and my wife said to all her girl friends that they could touch me and play with my balls as much as they want but they were not allowed to touch my shaft. I then whispered in my wife's ear saying that is going to drive over the edge if that happens, she just winked.

And so when I was pouring drinks in the lounge two of her friends started to play with my balls. Anyway needless to say I was edge and had a at least 5-6 ball/leaking/ruined orgasm. But wow was I hyped and loving it.

My wife finally, after a week and half, let me cum three times the following day which was on my birthday and I did need to give any mutual pleasure.

In closing remarks I never nor did my wife think we would have these crazy adventures. My wife however said that she does not want this to be a habit and I agreed. It should be a holiday or a once year event/s.

Things have gone back to normal and we are both still happy. We have started our routine again where she gets 2 - 3 orgasms a day and I love giving them to her. I vary quiet drastically and she loves me not knowing. Sometime I get to orgasm twice a day or I go a week without one.

Anyway that's the update. I know these story sound hot etc... but I wanted to show how far we have gone with our DevS relationship and how vanilla life is boring now. Her pleasure comes first and then mine.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:55 am

Thanks for updating us on your amazing adventures. It really goes to show that doing DevS can lead to some unexpected fun!

I'm making some detailed comments below so that those interested in doing DevS themselves get the full DevS view.
As I understand a wife in a DevS relationship can have sex with other guys if the husband or boyfriend is ok about it.

Yes. Shared Activities are when you do Devotional Sex in front of or with other people. Well beforehand the Knight makes clear what he is willing to do and how he feels about each of these things, and what he is happy for his Princess to do. Within these limitations should an opportunity arise, she decides what happens. So if either don't want something to happen then it will not - this is all fully consensual. And, as your story illustrates several times, once she knows what is allowed she can surprise her Knight.

The others involved must also be happy for things to happen, so I was concerned in your first Affirmation adventure when your wife told you to lick her. But then you made clear that she had done the right thing and asked her friends if doing this would be ok first.
She also started to talk about Affirmation and how the man must be fully shaved.

A Knight having his pubic hair shaved as the private sign that he is her Knight is optional - remember that in DevS a Knight is only honorbound to do what he is willing to do. For those who Live Devotional Sex and filled out my Oral Sex Survey 51% of Knight's are shaved as a symbol that they are her Knight, 7% are shaved just because they like the look, and 42% are not shaved.

By the way, with the Affirmation, were all your wife's friends female or were there some couples present as well? Of course it is a slightly different dynamic if there are some males there as well.
Her pleasure comes first and then mine.

It's fine if you as a couple think this, but saying this is very problematic if you want to inspire other couples to try DevS themselves.

Imagine a male telling a group of friends that his wife is his willing sex slave and his pleasure comes first. Of course all his male friends will be envious of his sex life, and every female would be thinking "no way would I do that".

For DevS to work - especially in the long term - it has to be balanced. Of course I don't mean balanced in activities or orgasms. In DevS the balance that is essential is in happiness. If one person is extremely happy and the other only moderately happy then the couple should do what they can to increase the happiness of the person only moderately happy. My Orgasm Survey found that 87% of those who Live DevS have both him and her either extremely happy or very happy, and this is pretty balanced.

So if there were men present during your Affirmation, or if the women are to go home and encourage their partner's to give DevS a go, the challenge in telling people about DevS is explaining why the Knight is either extremely or very happy. And that is one of the challenges I have in my writing.
After she came she saw I was super hard and said to me in front of her friends "not tonight my love."

I've once had a Princess tell a female friend about us doing DevS as I gave them both a foot massage (but sadly for me my clothes all stayed on). In explaining to her friend that I don't often ejaculate and that she decides when, she asked me how many days it had been. Though my usual then was about a week, I had gone ten days. Her friend looked surprised when I said ten days, but we were both surprised when my Princess added "and you won't cum tonight". This was a powerful moment for both her and me, and a good way to prove to others that our DevS is very real.
My wife and discussed what happens with her friends and I must say that both her and I seemed perfectly fine with what happened. She said she has never felt so "alive"

It is really good to talk after an adventure to ensure that all really was ok and with a better understanding of what each other was feeling this helps make any future adventures even better.

Your wife's reaction of feeling "so alive" is common. It feels really good and liberating to come out as a Princess and to enjoy the dynamic with others seeing how good it is. It is also liberating for her Knight. And this is very different from the BDSM fantasies which are all about the submissive being humiliated because though with DevS the Knight will of course feel very much hers he also feels proud to be her Knight, and pride is the opposite of humiliation.

Finally on the Affirmation, many readers will think that your Affirmation story is pure fantasy. But because for those who Live DevS having Affirmation in private is very common (78% do it 2 times a week or more, with 40% doing it 5 or more times per week) the idea of having this happen in front of others doesn't feel as strange. The biggest surprise to me from my survey was that for those who Live DevS that 45% have had him Affirmed in front of others, and 18% have not done this but both would like to.

Though I've not asked in my survey, I expect that having the naked Knight lick his Princess to orgasm in front of others isn't nearly as usual (maybe your story will inspire others to go that one step further).

Devotional Hotwife:

The middle two adventures are your wife having sex with others whilst you are not present.

Though your second session of Affirmation allowed the women to touch your body and balls, I don't regard that as you having sex with others as you didn't do any kissing, cuddling, using hands and mouths for sexual pleasures, or intercourse. So at the moment your DevS is that your wife has had sex with others and you have not, and that you have gained pleasure from the excitement of her having done this and hearing all about what happened and seeing some photos.

Doing things this way I call the Devotional Hotwife scenario.

That she can do this (and has done this!) but you don't have any sex with others can be a very powerful DevS dynamic. And even though she has said that her doing this is something for holidays, I think you both know that if she chose she could do it again and surprise you.

I think the amazing challenge you faced was not being allowed to Climax on the night's after she had had an adventure once you finally went to bed together. For me not being allowed a Climax then would be as much a challenge as her having sex with the others.

Future options for you both with activities with others are that she could do the Affirmation again and add "if anyone wants to enjoy my Knight's eager tongue you can take him to the bedroom and he will pleasure you." (It might be a bit much to expect a visitor to be licked in front of everyone, though no-one would mind if a visitor wanted to do this in front of everyone.) Another alternative is that she lends you to a friend for a night - where within what you are willing to do and what your Princess allows you to do (for example she may not allow intercourse), you fulfill her friend's wishes. And of course if she has sex with others she may one day let you join in. With all of these options one of the things that keeps this DevS is that a Knight never ejaculates when with others.

Your Princess may want to keep all these possibilities open - in which case you are fine. But if you continue to have an adventure or two over the years, and if you are expecting your turn and it never happens, then you might start to become resentful.

At the moment it looks like your wife doesn't want to share you. So what I recommend is that you both have a good talk and agree that what will happen from now on (until one of you wants a change) is that:

1 - she officially becomes a Devotional Hotwife meaning she can have full sex with others but you will never have intercourse, hand play or oral sex with others, or
2 - that she can have full sex with others, and that one day she may have you do things with others but you will never be allowed to have intercourse with someone else, or
3 - she can have full sex with others and one day she may allow the same for you.

If she wants 1 or 2 and you are happy with this then you are more likely to accept this in the long-term. And note that if you agree with the Hotwife scenario then this may make it more likely that one day she will let you watch her with others as she will feel confident that all you do is watch.

With her having sex with others it is important that she understands your psychology and pushes good buttons and avoids bad. For example, if she doesn't give you much (or any) oral sex and she gave the men in her adventures lots of oral sex, her talking about this in the future could be a negative and lead to resentment and problems. If this is the case she should not mention it. But if her talking about this excites you and makes you feel more hers then it is good that she knows that this is a positive button and she may remind you of this over the coming months to generate extra energy. So it is important that you are very open and honest with her so that she knows what buttons to push and what to avoid.

The Devotional Hotwife dynamic works best when he gets as much pleasure from having his buttons pushed as she gets from having her adventures, and she enjoys the effect of this dynamic on her Knight and pushing his buttons about as much (or more) than the actual adventures. So this is all wonderful when it works for both - but of course care must be taken that it remains positive.

With all Shared Activities remember that the relationship comes first. So AT ANY TIME either can withdraw consent and bring to an end the activities with others.

I'm sure that many who read this will be as keen as I to know what you decide and to hear about any future adventures. But as most DevS is what the couple do alone together, updates on how you progress with normal DevS are also both fun to read and educational.

I'm happy for discussion and to answer any questions about all of what I've written. To submit a comment you can either join this forum or quickly submit an anonymous comment via my this form on PollMill.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Jan 16, 2017 8:59 pm

Happy Husband and Happy Wife reply:
Firstly my wife and I both wanted to thank you for the very detailed reply. You have raised some interesting questions and feedback, which we want to reply and ask some questions:

You said the following:
"Yes. Shared Activities are when you do Devotional Sex in front of or with other people. Well beforehand the Knight makes clear what he is willing to do and how he feels about each of these things, and what he is happy for his Princess to do. Within these limitations should an opportunity arise, she decides what happens. So if either don't want something to happen then it will not - this is all fully consensual. And, as your story illustrates several times, once she knows what is allowed she can surprise her Knight. The others involved must also be happy for things to happen, so I was concerned in your first Affirmation adventure when your wife told you to lick her. But then you made clear that she had done the right thing and asked her friends if doing this would be ok first."

Our response:
My Wife agrees that she should have asked me beforehand if I was ok with what was going to happen.

However, I also wanted to state that I am very open and I have always encouraged her to try new things on the spur of the moment. So I guess we could say that although there was no talking about the actual event there was a general consensus.

What I recommend is that a DevS couple have the Knight say what he is willing to do well before any possible activities. This means that his Princess can totally surprise him when she decides to do something.

In your case I think your wife knew fairly well what you would enjoy and be willing to do, and as you explain further down you are both very good at talking about things with each other. Thus in your case it isn't a surprise that both or your Affirmation sessions worked VERY well for you both :D
She also wanted to say that she would have felt very embarrassed if she did not get consensus from her friends.

Yes, I can imagine that this would be a problem, so your wife was very brave.

What I recommend is that you use what I call the Opening Doors approach. This is where you open a door to something happening and see if the other people decide to walk through it. If they don't, or they don't this time, then all you have done is given them an opportunity that they have declined.

So with your first session with her friends, after telling her friends about Affirmation, etc, she could say that if they all wanted she could have you Reveal now and be naked for the rest of the evening. Now at that moment this is just a statement of her power as Princess. But it is also an Open Door. And if all the friends agree that doing this would be fun, then they have chosen to walk through the door.

Where the Open Door is useful is not only does it ensure that nothing happens that offends the others, but it is them that decide to walk through the door. And if they don't the first time, it is very possible that another time one or all of the friends decide to walk through the door.

For example another time a friend might say "Is it really true that you could have him undress in front of me?" To which your wife might reply "Yes - Of course. This is normal when we are alone, and it would be an adventure for him if I had him do it in front of you. Would you like me to have him do it now?" And thus the door is opened a second time and perhaps the friend decides to walk through the door by saying "Yes, that would be fun!"
Your comment:
"By the way, with the Affirmation, were all your wife's friends female or were there some couples present as well? Of course it is a slightly different dynamic if there are some males there as well."

Our response:
It was only females and was my wife's open thinking group of friends (if that makes sense).

We both agreed we would not do this with our couples friends or with other male friends around as my wife would not feel comfortable exposing herself like that or asking me to expose myself.

This is an area where each person and each couple decide what works best for them. My Affirmation survey results have shown that some Devotee couples have had him Affirmed in front of a couple, and this provides a great way of introducing the joys of DevS to a couple. But I suspect that this rarely leads to the Princess receiving oral sex in front of the couple. So when it is done in front of a couple the Princess doesn't expose herself - but her Knight certainly does :D

Note that my detailed replies to you are more about educating couples that may follow in your footsteps. So I'm not saying you should do Affirmation in front of a couple. But I'm letting other couples know that doing this works well for some couples.

And if I were asked to Reveal in front of a couple I would enjoy it because i was doing this in front of the female of the couple, and I was showing my commitment to obey the wishes of my Princess. So I would be turned on by showing that I'm her Knight to the man of the couple, but for me there would be nothing erotic about undressing in front of a man. I would also use this an opportunity to try to explain to him why I loved being my Princess's Knight.
Your comment;
"It's fine if you as a couple think this, but saying this is very problematic if you want to inspire other couples to try DevS themselves."

Our response:
We agree that your comment is critical. IT IS ABOUT HAPPINESS of the couple and nothing else should break that. Your comment about one feeling moderately happy and the other not is spot on.

However, from the husband's side I am very happy about that statement. However, my wife said maybe I should qualify that statement. So here is my take on it ... effectively my happiness comes from making my wife have an orgasm i.e. mutual pleasure, but what excites me is the unknown of when I am going to get my pleasure. That being said it does tend end up that if i make my wife orgasm i usually get an orgasm a few days later or if we are too busy then there is no orgasm.

My wife has stated that she will explain that DevS is about the couple being happy not one individual being more happy than the other. She felt that she should have explained it better on the night.

I've been writing about DevS for over a decade and I'm still trying to get it right. As all the activities you successfully enjoyed prove - your wife is doing a very good job! And I'm sure she will get a chance to talk with her friends again to explain things further.
She also said thanks for pointing that out when you said:
"It is really good to talk after an adventure to ensure that all really was ok and with a better understanding of what each other was feeling this helps make any future adventures even better."

Our response:
Just for other readers, talking is key. My wife and I talk a lot about what excites us, what we want to try one day, our fantasies and fears. We would not be where we are today without talking. Even from a 'normal relationship' perspective talking is key. Some of my friends and my wife's friend can't believe that we are so close etc...talking, truly is the key.

That your holiday adventures all turned out so well is a testiment to you both understanding each other. So yes, talking is key. And one of the benefits of a couple starting to explore DevS is that it helps them to start talking as the Princess can't ensure her Knight has a good time unless her Knight opens up about what he likes and why (and what he doesn't like).
Your comment:
"Finally on the Affirmation, many readers will think that your Affirmation story is pure fantasy."

Our reply:
We must stress from the outset that what happened with her friends and the holiday was the first time it has ever happened. We have never tried anything like this, but it happened and we are really happy that it did. It was just crazy that it happen so quickly. But like we said in the previous post, life is back to normal and although we might to try it in the future right now we happy with just a monogamous DevS relationship. My wife also wanted to stress that although everything was amazing she wants to be a bit reserved for now and focus on 2017.

I think one of the big problems with porn is that most of it is staged acting to feed male fantasy. If you look at what males want with Femdom and CFNM it is all about the women doing the work to make HIS fantasy come real. It's all "I want you to make me ...." And most men know that unless you pay someone (or it is a special occasion when your partner decides to please you) things like you wrote about just don't happen.

Where DevS is different is that your wife felt in control and so what she was doing was her fantasy whilst also thinking about you. So one of the reasons I'm spending so long writing about this is to try to explain to readers of this discussion why DevS is different and thus why some pretty amazing adventures can happen when doing DevS.
Your comment:
"Though I've not asked in my survey, I expect that having the naked Knight lick his Princess to orgasm in front of others isn't nearly as usual (maybe your story will inspire others to go that one step further)."

Our reply:
Agreed, but as stated above this was just a spur of the moment thing and we all had a few drinks and she would have never done it if she felt uncomfortable with her friends."

Your comment:
"Doing things this way I call the Devotional Hotwife scenario."

Our reply:
We both never thought of it that way, but we both agree that was a hotwife scenario. However we both think that it was incredible. My wife said she had a great time and the excitement for me was insane."

Yes - the Hotwife scenario works best when his excitement is just as great (or higher) than her excitement. (By the way, I'm sure I'm not the only one who would love to know what your wife did with during her two adventures. But this isn't necessary to understand any of the DevS dynamic, and I, of course, understand your wish to keep this private.)
Your comment:
"That she can do this (and has done this!) but you don't have any sex with others can be a very powerful DevS dynamic. And even though she has said that her doing this is something for holidays, I think you both know that if she chose she could do it again and surprise you."

Our reply:
My wife does not disagree with you there. After we spoke about it she agreed that she would not mind trying it again. However, as we talked about it, we decided to make a couple of rules and that she would only do it again if I was happy with it. But right now, as stated above, we want to concentrate 2017 and our professions.

As you agree below, either can end Shared Activities at any time. But even if she has no intention of doing anything in 2017 it can be fun for you both to agree that she can if she wishes. Thus just some mild flirting will have him get incredibly excited - even if nothing follows.
Your comment:
"I think the amazing challenge you faced was not being allowed to Climax on the night's after she had had an adventure once you finally went to bed together. For me not being allowed a Climax then would be as much a challenge as her having sex with the others."

Our reply:
TELL ME ABOUT IT. There were times where I just want to explode but my wife knows my body and stopped. I think what helped is my wife being there the whole time on holiday. She made sure to keep it off my mind as much as possible, not meaning but she knew that it was making me have an insane about of sexual energy. My wife also wanted to say, she specifically did not want me to have an orgasm because she knew my birthday was coming up and that she wanted to give me one hell of a ride on that day. So we wanted me super eager and horny.

This is a great example of good DevS because she is planning an overall adventure that is for your benefit and enjoyment just as much as it is fun for her.
Your comment:
" With all of these options one of the things that keeps this DevS is that a Knight never ejaculates when with others."

Our reply:
During our second session with her friends, I was edge a few times. As I stated there were 5-6 times where i had a ruined orgasm wherein just a tiny bit of semen oozed out. However I did not have that sensation of an orgasm i.e. i did not Climax. My wife wanted to know is this considered an orgasm and if so she wanted to know if it should be considered an accident or should she be upset with me because I had a ruined orgasm when i should not? She just wants to know for future reference as she and I are not sure what to do in this situation.

It's clear that you honored your commitment not to deliberately let yourself ejacualte. (And note for others that accidents can happen and so it is only the Knight deliberately letting himself ejaculate that is dishonorable.)

Producing lots of precum when very aroused for a long time is normal. As I don't have experience with ruined orgasms I don't know how possible it is for you to avoid them. If it is possible for you to avoid them then it's up to you and your wife to decide what is allowed at any future events.
Your comment:
"If she wants 1 or 2 and you are happy with this then you are more likely to accept this in the long-term. And note that if you agree with the Hotwife scenario then this may make it more likely that one day she will let you watch her with others as she will feel confident that all you do is watch."

Our reply:
My wife and I again talked about this and we have decided that option two (ie that she can have full sex with others, and that one day she may have him do things with others but he will never be allowed to have intercourse with someone else) is the way to go. My wife said that she could not handle me penetrating another woman, however she would love to watch me or give me up for a night to one of her friends to orally pleasure them. That being said I am also happy with this situation (who wouldn't be). However, it would have to be with the right friend and open communication.

If you do something with your Princess present then of course she knows what happens.

If she lends you to a friend then the friend should also know what your Princess allows to happen and what isn't allowed, you are only committed to do those things that you are willing to do with that person, and of course you are not allowed to ejacualte and she isn't allowed to try to make you.

Afterwards it works best if you tell your Princess everything that happened as far as she wants to know, and your Princess asks the friend how it went. This is a check that you behaved as you should.

Within a relationship it doesn't work for a wife to treat her husband as an object in front of friends. But if a friend wanted a naked butler for a girl's night then the Knight she is lent can be treated as a sex object (but of course with respect and without any humiliation). So Knight lending can enable some different adventures from what you can experience with a partner.

Having both agreed that doing something in front of your Princess or being lent can happen, there is the very powerful and fun dynamic that he never knows if or when this might happen.

Again I recommend the Open Door technique, that if she thinks a friend might be interested she makes the offer that if the friend ever wanted this it would happen, but then casually leave it up to the friend to walk through the door of saying that she would like this to happen.
Your comment:
"But if her talking about this excites you and makes you feel more hers then it is good that she knows that this is a positive button and she may remind you of this over the coming months to generate extra energy. So it is important that you are very open and honest with her so that she knows what buttons to push and what to avoid.

Our reply:
We both agreed with both comments. I.e. i get very excited about being told what happened and that openness and honesty is key. We also agree that i must express what makes my good buttons tick.

Lastly your comment:
"With all Shared Activities remember that the relationship comes first. So AT ANY TIME either can withdraw consent and bring to an end the activities with others."

Our reply:
WE 100% AGREED and have been implementing this rule. The moment one of us are unhappy with what happens or is about to happen then it must stop.

My wife and I agree that we will try once a month to post, whether it is about an adventure or normal DevS.

It will be great to hear from you again. Feel welcome to join the forum if you want to post directly.
We also wanted to ask are there any other websites that promote this sort of relationship and that maybe your site could post about new ideas or thoughts on Tumblr. My wife and I draw greatly from the ideals posted on DevS Tumbr site.

I think DevS is fairly different from any other technique.

There are lots of related techniques - chastity, femdom, CFNM, hotwife, tantra, etc - but all these have some fairly major differences from DevS.

As mentioned earlier, one of the key differences between DevS and the internet / porn version of other techniques is that DevS is focussed on something that the woman enjoys as much as the man. But if anyone else has any recommend websites please post a comment.
Thanks again for this site.

Regards the happy wife and husband.


PS - I might revise my replies and add some more tomorrow, but I feel I've written enough for tonight!

I very much welcome any comments or questions from readers.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Tue Jan 17, 2017 12:22 pm

The psychology of who knows what when doing Shared Activities is interesting.

As stated earlier, with the Devotional Hotwife scenario the Knight doesn't get to have any sexual adventures with others but he gets his thrills from either watching his Princess or later seeing photos and being told all about it. So here him being fully informed turns this into something that is very powerful to him.

Another scenario is Knight Swapping. Here the Knight is lent to another woman, and he acts as her Knight within what his Princess allows to happen. His Princess later finds out all she wants to know from her Knight and the other woman can provide feedback to her as well.

Of course with swapping his Princess gets to enjoy the other man. If the other couple are Devotees then he will be her Knight (which gives her control but he might not be allowed to have intercourse). But if the other couple are Vanilla then she will be having 'normal' sex which might include intercourse.

So what does the Knight get to find out about what his Princess did? Of course one possibility is that she shares with him what happened. But because he got to have an adventure with the other woman he doesn't need the thrill of finding out about what she did, and in fact it can be very powerful for the couple to agree that with Devotional Swapping that what she does remains secret.

With all of this it is vital that each Devotee couple talk about all of this and so everything is agreed and both are happy with what is decided.

Note that a mix of both can work - so when she has sex with others and he doesn't he gets to watch or later see photos and hear all about it, but if some Swapping is done then though she finds out all she wants to know about what he did, what she does then remains secret.

As always the right way to do things is what works best for each couple (at that time). So this post is providing options that some may enjoy.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby RevSir » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:33 pm

It sounds like Happy Husband and Wife are having a fun and fulfilling time - thank you for posting what's taking place.

Happiness for both is what means any technique will continue to be used. That you are both enjoying your activities is a major win compared to lots of couples. Talking to each other enables you to know what the other likes and enjoys. All of this has already been said above.

Your holiday adventures made me think what I would enjoy of them (although I'm confident this is all hypothetical for me and nothing will ever actually happen).

Being naked and aroused in front of others would be fine, even arousing! Would it make a difference if men were part of the group, I'm not sure it would. Giving my princess a pleasure kiss in that situation would be limited by what she felt comfortable doing rather than my comfort (I'll go further than she would). If she wanted it then I'd go along with it. Offering a pleasure kiss to others, if my princess would like that then I think I'd be happy to obligue.

Having sexual activities with others is within my limits but I don't think a Devotional Hotwife is within my limits, knight swapping and my being lent is probably OK. Lots of talking and thinking would be needed prior to anything happening.

For me I would want two limits, firstly, if there was another male involved then either he is a knight or I am always present.

If he was a knight there would be limits, he would have his limits, his princess would have limits for him and my princess would be in charge of what happens and I could give my limits for my princess as well. More importantly he would know about limits and how far he was able to go and would be subject to what my princess wanted to happen.

If he was not a knight then I would want to be present so my princess could keep an eye on how I was doing and whether things were becoming uncomfortable for me. Equally I could check things were progressing OK for her and if need be help her to bring things to a halt.

Secondly I would want a no joy (intercourse) limit, definitely for me and maybe for her as well. If I lived by that rule then I'd know it was never going to progress that far and I could enjoy what other things happen. It would also be easier to follow the basic rule of Devotional Sex of a knight never ejaculates when with others.
Life's good - better connection, more sexual and sensual activities - why live any other way.
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby 54321 » Mon Feb 20, 2017 12:03 am

My Princess and I live DS full time and have done so for about 3 years.
She is not a Devotional Sex Hotwife but I would be perfectly happy if she were.

To comment on this particularly exciting thread, I thought of a couple more possibilities:

If present when his Devotional Sex Hotwife (Hotwife Princess?) is experiencing Joy with a lover
who is not a Knight, he and the lover might take it in turns to pleasure her but whereas the lover
may ejaculate, the Knight would not be allowed.

When a Princess lends her Knight to another Princess, she might allow her Knight to pleasure her friend
with penetrative intercourse, but being a loyal Knight, he would not be allowed to ejaculate.

Further reading? You might like:

ourhotwives.org
This is an excellent Hotwifing Forum

'The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know' by Mantak Chia, Douglas Abrams Arava
This excellent book teaches you how to orgasm without ejaculation. I tried it and it works!
Frankly, I could not have handled Devotional Sex without it as the increased sexual energy would cause me to be awake all night.
Using the principles in this book, I was able to enjoy more pleasure, stay hard and full of desire for my beautiful Princess and,
at the same time, control my energy.

Best wishes,

54321
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Re: Happy Husband

Postby Devotional Sex » Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:21 am

It's now just over a month since Happy Husband's last post. He has tended to post an update on how their Devotional Sex is going about once a month, so I very much hope that he posts another update soon.

Even if there have been no more crazy adventures I would find it interesting to find out how things have settled down after the "Crazy Holiday".

Good to hear from you again 54321, and great to learn that you have been doing DevS for 3 years now!

I think Happy Holiday's story shows that when a woman gains confidence and starts to use her control to explore her sexuality, some "crazy" things can happen. So perhaps an adventure awaits you in the future. But one good thing (overall) is that DevS also gives her the confidence not to go further than she wishes - your fantasies can be non-threatening to her because she may have decided that they will never happen.

As well as working on the basics, I'm also updating the Shared Activities pages for the new version of the website (it's more fun to write this more 'fantasy' bit than doing the hard work of writing the basics). So yes, a Knight never ejaculates when with others, but unless the Princess has negotiated beforehand that the other man doesn't get to cum at the end, he will do so. And of course that will make the Devotee couples Devotional Dynamic feel very real.

Based on Happy Husband's story I've also written a new page (which is only in rough form so not published) about what happens after the adventure when the Devotee couple are alone together. Of course the Knight will probably have much higher energy than usual, and is likely to want to cum more than usual. As you know from the OurHotWives forum, many men like to 'reclaim' their wives afterwards with intercourse and their ejaculation. With Devotional Sex I think it vital to 'reclaim' erotic connection, and at the least have a long Devotional Cuddle. And as Happy Wife showed, having her Knight enter her and be still and having a long Spoon also works. For Devotee couples where she wants this (and of course when he is willing) Happy Husband and Wife have shown that it works extremely well for the Knight not to Climax after the Shared Adventure as well.

Thus a Princess can decide that her Preference (ie rule) is that he doesn't ejacualte during or after a Shared Adventure.

Again, as demonstrated in Happy Husband's story, it can be a fun and powerful bit of their dynamic that she lets the others at the Shared Adventure know this :)

For couples who like this idea I've also classed Telling Others about your doing DevS a Shared Activity. So the no Climax 'rule' could be set to apply here as well.

And finally, IF THE PRINCESS WISHES, (as this is taking control away from her), she could set a 'rule' that just talking about DevS with someone you have already told counts as a Shared Activity. And if she has told a girlfriend, she could tell the girlfriend that this rule applies, so the girlfriend could have fun being the one to initiate a discussion on DevS when she was with the couple knowing that this meant that the Knight would not get to Climax that evening.

I've included this long discussion under Happy Husband's story because it shows how posting a real-life story here can get things added to the idea set of Devotional Sex, and inspire some new ideas, and that telling the story thus isn't just a fun read for others, but can change what some other couples actually do!

Note that though the OurHotWives forum includes hotwife experiences from couples that are very close to the connection and intimacy of DevS, there are also males posting who are into the humiliation aspects of being cuckolded, and there are men who are excited by their wives being a 'slut' (ie the sex is them being used by other men).

And yes, though I've now put the man learning to orgasm without ejaculating as an optional enhancement of DevS, the learning to feel relaxed with and manage erotic energy part of the book are an essential ingredient of being a Knight.

I never commented on RevSir's post, so here are a few comments: RevSir said:
Being naked and aroused in front of others would be fine, even arousing! Would it make a difference if men were part of the group, I'm not sure it would.

For most Knight's being Affirmed and aroused in front of one or more other women would be a fantasy come true (though my Affirmation survey proves that some men are not willing to do this). But what about for a couple or just a man?

For ME it would still be exciting to do this with a couple because there is another woman enjoying it, I'm educating a couple about DevS, and it's a lovely demonstration of my Princess's control and my desire for her.

It would feel weird being asked to Reveal and Display if she wanted to demonstrate this to a male friend. But I think I would still enjoy the aspect of feeling that her control was VERY real and my arousal would all come from my desire for my Princess and her enjoying what was happening. Including this in the things I'm willing to do is also about giving my Princess a full pallet to play with rather than saying she can only choose from my fantasies.

Having to Reveal and Display in front of another man also has the excitement of my not knowing what else may happen. As my Princess has my approval to do things with other men she could go in this direction. Given that the other man is being told about DevS as this all happens, my Princess could also make the offer of some activity for him conditional on him agreeing to give her control over what happens and how far things go - ie he become her Knight for the adventure. This could be a Devotional Fling - he gets to ejaculate at the end. Or, if she wants to demonstrate real DevS and not go far, she can have him agree that he doesn't ejaculate at the end either.

One of the great things about DevS is that there are so many possibilities!

RevSir' shows how each couple needs to have a good discussion to work out what is within the Knight's limits and what isn't. Of course this may change over time.

And note that the Princess is always in control during Shared Activities so she can turn things down or end activity whenever she wishes. And even if her Knight has previously said things were within his limits, if he finds that reality doesn't match fantasy, and he thinks things might happening might harm the relationship, he can say "Pass" on that activity or the whole session doesn't happen.

So, bringing this long post back to Happy Husband, either time his Princess asked him to leave her alone to have some fun, he could have just said "Pass" and then nothing would have followed. Or he could have said "Pass to you being alone with them, but if you allow me to be present - even if I can't do anything - then it is ok".

With all this the relationship comes first!

So that's why I would love another update from Happy Husband to find out how things are going. Has the "crazy holiday" caused a train wreck or has it enhanced their relationship?

For further discussion of what the 'rules' for Shared Activities within DevS should be please see this topic.
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