New member - Aaron

[Aaron Sheffield]

Thanks for taking all the time to put this site together and share what you've learned. My wife, lover, friend, and partner of 20 years and I keep smacking our foreheads asking, "Why didn't we think of this?" At some point, I intend to write a longer musing about why we in fact didn't, about the elements that make devotional sex so different from well-known practices and attitudes.

I stumbled across your tumblr last Saturday night. I was looking at ecstacyinrestraints.tumblr.com and started mousing over the "followed" blogs, looking at names rather than icons. "Devotional sex" sounded thoughtful and appreciative of the beauty that sex can be, so I clicked on it.

I was immediately hooked by your choice of pictures. Nobody was making the "grunt" face that porn commonly uses to convince us that, by god, something really is happening to that woman. Instead these were happy, confident people enjoying their sex lives. The pictures spoke of pleasure rather than intensity.

As I looked, I started reading, and became intrigued by the ideas. (Brilliant idea to sprinkle short text in with the pictures. This will introduce so many more people to DS.) There was a blind-men-and-the-elephant aspect of this for me because devotional sex is so big and complicated, and I was just getting one idea at a time. Woman can order oral sex any time... man may or may not have orgasms... woman decides. As the picture started to form, I was intrigued enough to head to the text web site and read more. The particular question on my mind was, "How can I control my orgasms better?"

When I read that the knight had NO orgasms without his princess's command, I thought this wasn't going to be for me. I had been masturbating every day or so as a mental compromise in a sporadic sex life. It kept me from pestering her, and gave me a B- orgasm. It didn't seem likely that I would happily go days without an orgasm. But I kept reading.

As I continued through the photo blog and occasionally clicked back to the main site for more info, I liked the picture that emerged. I used some of the "first date" ideas as I explained what I had found to my wife. I have always been able to be very frank and honest with her about what I found interesting or wanted to try, (yes, I know I'm a lucky man) so I could've dived straight to more "sizzling' ideas, but we started with me giving her a foot rub wearing only my favorite shirt. This was a great start and it great advice. It quickly made it clear to her that she was in control, but it was not a control she was working to exert. (Michael, consider adding a command: Rub.)

As I continued to learn and explain over the weekend, we both became very comfortable with the major ideas of DS. Since we both understand that ejaculations are uncommon occurrences, and that they're at her option, she feels free to be more touchy, flirty, and teasey. More sexy. Because she's not worried that she'll set something in motion that has to be resolved. My sexual tension doesn't create any responsibility or burden for her.

I'm still searching for the words to explain how great this feels for me. I can't explain WHY I enjoy having to regulate my sexual response instead of just letting it run wild. But I do. It may be that I have a sense that I'm doing something for her. Making our house and marriage bed more relaxing places.

Sometimes I tell her more I've learned while we're occupied with some sort of sexual shenanigans. Other topics I save for more matter-of-fact conversations in the car or some location where we're clearly not about to get naughty. We're now in our fifth day (and second season) of experimenting to see if this is for us, and it's looking very promising. We've had conversations about my wish to have an orgasm every 2-6 days, and about the need to practice joy, perhaps sort of clinically at first, while we train my Desire to the new rhythm of our sex life. We have adopted the word, "danger," spoken by me, to indicate that I am approaching ejaculation too quickly and we need to slow down what we're doing.

I had an A+ orgasm Monday night. And I don't know when my next one will be!

[Devotional Sex]

Welcome to the forum Aaron!

Thanks for writing so much detail about your journey.

The reason I've put so much work into writing my website and more recently my Tumblr Photo-Blog is not that I wanted to titillate readers, but I wanted some to become inspired to experience in real-life the joys that I have found living Devotional Sex. Your post is very special to me because you and your wife have 'got it'. You both now know the joys that arise from the dynamic. So hard to put into words, and so wonderful when you experience it.

I'm about to go out for lunch, so I'll write more later today. Once again thanks for posting. You have made me very happy!

[Devotional Sex]

Some further comments on your post.

Please do write a longer musing on why Devotional Sex is new to you. You are likely to give me some ideas of how to talk about Devotional Sex, and this will help others to understand.

I try to select photos for the photo-blog which are domestic (or fantasy domestic) rather than staged porn. And I also try to only use photos where the Princess looks like she is genuinely enjoying what is happening. So most photos I see on Tumblr are not suitable for my blog.

I submitted my photo-blog to a list of Femdom Tumblrs and my site was rejected.

But comparing my photo-blog to any of the others in the Femdom Tumblr list quickly shows the difference between internet Femdom and Devotional Sex, so I think the list owner was right to not include my blog on his list.

A problem with the text on the photo-blog is that Tumblr puts the most recent post at the top. It would be great if I could reverse this so that new readers started at the beginning because then I could explain the basics of Devotional Sex right from the start.

Starting with your wife as if it was a date is a great way of starting. Start slowly and the the sizzle will eventually follow.

In my experience a foot massage has always started with either me asking whether my Princess would she like one or her asking me to give her one. So I've never felt that a command for this was needed. But hearing how things work for other couples is really good because we will all do things slightly differently, and if a Rub command works for some couples then I'll add it to the list.

The Princess becoming more touchy, flirty, teasey and more sexy is one of the best things with Devotional Sex

If you are like me then you are probably talking about Devotional Sex far too often for your Princess. Let her know about the Quiet command so that she can shut you up when she needs a rest. A Princess soon starts to think of her Knight as being a bit like an eager puppy - always eager to talk and play.

It takes time and lots of practice to learn better control. But the practice is lots of fun Having the "danger" word is very practical, and it is good to try to never cum by accident. Her inconvenience at having to pause when you say "danger" is made up for later by your learning much greater control.

I've said enough for now. I look forward to hearing from you again, and Happy Exploring!

[Aaron Sheffield]

Here are some reflections on our first week. I still intend to write "Why we didn't think this." We had a spirited and thoughtful conversation on this topic at lunch today, and I'm going to let the ideas settle a little more before I write.

Anyone interested in saucy details of the week, read the narrative I wrote here: viewtopic.php?f=35&t=608

The second-most striking thought about this first week is that we have yet to practice Joy. Even more striking is the thought that I hadn't really noticed we hadn't had intercourse. We had an amazing week of satisfying sex, better than what either of us had experienced for years. And yet we haven't "done it" all week. Devotional Sex is a different dynamic than any sex life I've ever known. It is superbly satisfying to a) please my princess, b) live with a near-constant buzz of sexual energy, and c) have fewer, but much more enjoyable ejaculations.

I want to qualify that word "buzz" that I used above. It's not a constant shift of reality, like a drinker, "Dude, I am sooo buzzed." But it's just every hour to two thinking about sex. Remembering great sex instead of wishing for it. And knowing with a solid certainty there is more to come.

The essential core of DS seems to be a shift from a focus on the destination to a focus on the journey. They typical destination for sexual activity is the male orgasm, the typical journey all just paths to make him squirt. From a biological perspective, this makes sense. Once the deed is done, the species has +1ed its chances to reproduce. But from the perspective of the participant, the journey lasts a whooooole lot longer. Why not focus on that?

[Devotional Sex]

Yes - with Devotional Sex it is the journey and fully enjoying each moment which makes it special.

Your experience of not having Joy (intercourse) is I think not unusual with Devotional Sex.

A paper on Sexual practices at last heterosexual encounter and occurrence of orgasm in a national survey (see http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Sexual+pr ... 0151276089 ) shows that at last sexual activity, 95% of couples had vaginal intercourse.

My personal experience with Devotional Sex is that Joy happens about as often with Devotional Sex as it did before starting Devotional Sex. But what changes is that there are lots of other times when there is sexual activity and this does not include Joy. As well as little play sessions where she gets you aroused for a short time, there are longer sessions where the Knight gives his Princess an orgasm via a Pleasure Kiss, and all that happens after is a Devotional Cuddle. And there can be sessions where she wants to play with him (and perhaps give him oral sex), but she wants neither Joy nor a Pleasure Kiss.

When I started dating Princess Ada it was only about our 7th date that we first had Joy. And with my Devotional Friend Tracey we have never had Joy nor has she ever given me a Desire Kiss.

So with Devotional Sex Joy becomes just one of the many sexual activities, and certainly not something that happens 95% of the time a couple are sexual together.