Why Sex and Love Don't Belong in the Same Bed

Discussion and questions about Chapter 1

Why Sex and Love Don't Belong in the Same Bed

Postby Devotional Sex » Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:23 am

The article Why Sex and Love Don't Belong in the Same Bed by Olivia Fane published at The Guardian makes a very interesting read. The summary says:
There’s never anything profound about erotic contact. Sex is purely a hormonal act, whereas love, as expressed in a hug, brings true intimacy

I think it paints an accurate picture of how Vanilla Sex feels for many people. And comparing this with the Devotional Sex experience shows just how different Devotional Sex is from this world.

As the new One Page Overview summarises, there are three major components of what happens with Devotional Sex - the sex, the just after sex ends, and what happens in-between sessions of sex.

I believe that him feeling Exaltation after sex ends is unique to Devotional Sex. This intense feeling of intimacy and connection, which is like an emotional orgasm, is the most powerful bit of Devotional Sex directing erotic energy into intimacy and connection. And Devotee couples having Devotional Cuddles in-between sessions of sex, with him feeling Adoration also use his erotic energy to power intimacy and connection but this time in a more relaxed way.

The author's sex life seems to have been so crude that she doesn't seem to have experienced any intimacy and connection during sex either. We get the very common 'hey - we are all liberated and talk about sex' vibe yet the usual 'but in fact I'm such a prude that I don't talk about what happens when I have sex'. For her sex is clearly fucking. No mention of foreplay. For her sex (fucking) is about each individual's thoughts and feelings - totally disconnected sex. And if there is foreplay I get the impression that she assumes that it's "I'll give you some pleasure if you give me some in return". There seems to be no mention of the joy of giving pleasure

As the new One Page Summary says, one big change for a male doing Devotional Sex is that it changes how the man thinks and feels about sex. As he usually doesn't get to ejaculate at the end he gains his pleasure from sexual activity from the journey - the feelings of each moment - and he wants this to last as long as it can. As his Princess can end sexual activity whenever she wishes, the way for him to have things go for longer is to tune in to how she is feeling and do his best to make it good for her. Thus during sex she is no longer just an object but a person to whom he is doing his best to pleasure. This is sharing the sensual pleasures. It is the opposite of thinking of someone else or something you have seen in porn.

Note that the above shows the push which keeps a Knight tuned in to how his Princess feels. But of course once he has learned to tune in to how she feels he gains much pleasure from giving her Pleasure.

With Vanilla Sex many couples have the norm that her encouraging or acknowledging his arousal means that she thus needs to satisfy him and this is almost always done with intercourse. One of the joys of Devotional Sex for a woman is that she can enjoy his arousal and enjoying giving him pleasure without any expectation that anything other than what she chooses to do will happen. So even when she doesn't feel like receiving any sexual pleasure a Princess can very much enjoy giving her Knight some Desire Play (or a Desire Kiss) and then a relaxing Devotional Cuddle.

That both are tuned in to the other's pleasure and that both enjoy giving the other pleasure is why I say that each is devoted to the other and I've called this Devotional Sex.

It is a VERY different world from that of Olivia Fane's sex life.

As always comments and questions are very welcome. You can either join this forum and post directly or quickly submit an anonymous comment at this form on PollMill.
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Re: Why Sex and Love Don't Belong in the Same Bed

Postby Byrdie » Mon Feb 20, 2017 9:07 am

In my experience, being so disconnected from my partner during sex that I was thinking of grocery lists had two basis:

  • I didn't have issues, I had the entire subscription. I needed professional. How did I know this?
  • I kept choosing and accepting partners who behaved abusively towards me, and whom I didn't trust.
I don't see the potential for loving, let alone devoted, sex in such a scenario. My mind doesn't wander nearly as much as it used to, and when it does it's usually when I'm tired and engaging in self-pleasure rather then partnered pleasure.

Granted, loving one's partner and tending to each other's day to day wellbeing builds a strong foundation for general intimacy; but I don't see why sexual intimacy can't be a part of the day to day. :|
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Re: Why Sex and Love Don't Belong in the Same Bed

Postby Knight Passion » Tue Feb 21, 2017 12:37 am

To me, Sex and Love in the BED is the most romantic place for us to be.

If you separate SEX and LOVE in the bed - that's totally illogical to me and not devotional. That's my opinion and to most people you can have SEX anywhere and that's makes it impersonal and not romantic. In some places, that's would be exciting, dynamic, and very interesting when done in a place that's most people don't think about it.

If you separate the two and make the BED neither for Sex and Love - why bother sleeping together and that's bothers me a lot and to me going to bed together at night-time is by far the most romantic thing that a couple can do together and that's the time that they can unwind, reflect on themselves, and make time for romance. I'm having a hard time accepting the notion of this subject matter for personal reasons.

If you disagree with me - that's fine.

I need more time to think about this and this is my first impression when I read this thread.
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Re: Why Sex and Love Don't Belong in the Same Bed

Postby RevSir » Tue Feb 21, 2017 3:04 am

I guess for me sex and love belong together in bed and anywhere else. I can't speak for casual sex only within a relationship but I would assume casual sex is good for instant gratification devotional sex is much better for the intimacy of a good relationship.
Life's good - better connection, more sexual and sensual activities - why live any other way.
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