How popular might Devotional Sex become?

[Devotional Sex]

I'm keen to hear your views on the future popularity of Devotional Sex.

Most couples are happy to remain 'vanilla', and so any advanced sexual technique is always going to be of interest to only a minority of people.

But for the more adventurous there are many techniques to chose from - tantra, multi-orgasmic man, FemDom, BDSM, FLR, male chastity, and more. Each of these techniques has a thriving real-life and internet community.

My question is: If Devotional Sex were to become better known, how would the size of the Devotional Sex community compare to the size of the other communities?

One difference between Devotional Sex and all the other techniques I've mentioned is that the other techniques all take things much further than Devotional Sex. Another way of looking at it is that Devotional Sex includes just a mild version of its component techniques.

One possibility is that most of those who step out from vanilla become attracted to something more full-on - and so those interested in female erotic power move on to FemDom or a FLR, and those who enjoy the benefits from the male not ejaculating as often move into full male chastity, etc.

So perhaps Devotional Sex will remain much less popular than any of the other techniques because it is too mild.

On the other hand, perhaps Devotional Sex might become much more popular than the full-on techniques because it is much milder.

Perhaps more couples will enjoy the dynamic of a Princess and her Knight than want to go to the FemDom extreme of the dominant Mistress and her submissive. Perhaps more couples will prefer the mild female control of Devotional Sex without the other strong BDSM activities that are usually part of FemDom. And perhaps the taste of tantra and much milder form of male chastity will be of interest to more people than the full-on technique.

The ingredients, and how mild or strong they are, is not the whole story. Each technique comes together to create its own feel and dynamic.

For me the best thing about Devotional Sex is not that it is mild compared to the input techniques, but that it creates a unique dynamic and lifestyle which works wonderfully.

Is this dynamic and lifestyle something which most will think is less attractive than what is provided by the other techniques?

Or is the Devotional Sex dynamic and lifestyle something that will feel right and natural to more people than some of the other techniques?

I look forward to hearing your views.

[Devotional Sex]

I posted the same topic in my FetLife group, and there Konar replied (reposted with permission):

Dont really think the question is relevant. I think what you have to offer here is brilliant and it shows a new trend in our sexuality which includes boundaries. We have explored a world without boundaries long enough to see its affects and it seems we are drawn back into the source of it more and more. Our intention is changing into something which comes more and more from a place of love in its full glory. So the change to love is that it is no longer vanilla but includes the good the bad and the ugly. And that is where this fits.

I sense in you part of a renewal that is going on western sexuality. There are no new techniques left, or extremes still remaining. So we blend and custom tailor to suit our specific situation at a specific time and that is new. Maybe not here perse, although I can easily argue that quite a few here are stuck in their own rut. But the main stream is needing to have their sexuality represent more and more who they really are.

I recognize your call in the way that I feel drawn towards getting a greater part of the general population wake up to a more authentic sexuality in their lives. And to that end I need you to finish your book and get it out there already. My contribution is nothing new, but rather a new view on the whole thing from a more mainstream perspective. Basic skills and discussion which will hopefully allow them to step up to their sexuality. I can easily see devotional sex take a chapter and review next to Taoism, Tantra, Karezza and others.

Dont think you will ever know how successful this will be in numbers and the variations will lead to it triggering new ways of play which are then not really part of your views. But does it matter? If it does then it can only do so from an income perspective, which is a valid arguement in todays world, but a perversion of your need to sign that song that is deep inside you.

So in line with the end of vanila love and in fond memory of the man who woke up next to the whining opera singer. . . . "Sing goddamn it. Sing!

Konar

I replied:

@Konar - thanks for your thoughtful and insightful reply.

You have taken the discussion to a deeper level than I expected - and this is good.

You are also spot on about my motivations - it is not about money but singing my song.

And a big thank you for your encouragement to keep writing.

Michael

[Devotional Sex]

Konar's reply has got me thinking about how best to use my energies.

At present I'm mainly working on my website and photo blog, and most of the people looking at my website and blog are people already interested in FemDom or male chastity.

But where Devotional Sex may have the biggest impact is in encouraging vanilla people to experience something new. And maybe the best way to get the message to these people is to write an eBook aimed at the general population.

Any comments on whether I should target kinky people or the general population, and whether I should do this via a website or an eBook, are very welcome.

[kelmag]

The following was also posted in your Fetlife Group:

Michael,
I don't think it is quite correct to characterize BDSM, FLR and male chastity as extemes and contrast it with Devotional Sex which you offer as a "mild version" of them and other ideas. BDSM, FLR and male chastity all exist on a continuum of practices and relationship dynamics. BDSM runs the gamut of light restraints and bottom paddling all the way to absolute Mistress/slave relationships that include extreme types of physical punishment and humiliation; Female Led Relationships range from bedroom practices of female control over sexual activites to absolute control by the female of every aspect of the relationship with no decisions - even regarding purely personal matters, taken by the male. Similarly, male chastity runs the gamut of occasional "honor system" self-restraint to lengthy, sometimes very lengthy, orgasm denial enforced by an inescapable (at least without her knowing of it) chastity devices.

I view Devotional Sex as a superb incorporation of those lifestyles along with several others to create a kind of non-threatening, "off the shelf" system for using many of the most powerful aspects of all of those lifestyles and techniques to create a dynamic that many vanilla couples would try if they were interested in improving their sex life in particular and their relationship in general.

As to where your efforts would be most fruitful, an e-book would be an excellent idea. You have an enormous amount of information on your web site but although it is accessible to those of us familiar with the various practices, disciplines and lifestyles discussed, I would expect it would be very difficult for the uninitiated to follow. In trying to cover everything - every way Devotional Sex could be expanded (or shrunk) to meet one's needs, it leaves the vanilla reader somewhat lost in a maze of definitions, terms and comparisons of all of the different lifestyles and techniques incorporated by Devotional Sex - some of which would almost certainly be threatening or scary to the vanilla reader. Consolidating the essentials of Devotional Sex and explaining it in an orderly fashion with minimal or no comparisons to other lifestyles would be most accessible to a vanilla couple. You could leave some of the more detailed explanations of Devotional Sex (definition of terms and commands for example) to an appendix and leave all mention of potentially threatening or scary lifestyles (i.e. kink) to a future volume (Maybe "Advanced Devotional Sex").

Anyway - that's my opinion. Keep up the great work. You have much to offer and it has the potential for mass market appeal.

Kelmag

[Devotional Sex]

Thanks for posting Kelmag.

In bed last night I was thinking the same about the complexity of trying to say everything at once. And the great thing about the first eBook leaving out many areas is that it will be quicker and easier for me to write!

I'm thinking of making the first book just for couples. The second eBook will then be a supplement covering Devotional Dating and Devotional Friends. And the third eBook a supplement covering Enhancements and Activities with Other People.

In the first two books I'll leave out almost all discussion on BDSM, FLR and Chastity except for a few sentences saying that couples can explore these areas for themselves and add some of these things on-top of their practice of Devotional Sex.

A big thank-you for encouraging me to go in this direction!

I agree with you that for what people do there is a continuum between vanilla and, for example, full BDSM. I've half-written a page for the Introduction chapter which will make this clear.

The issue that I see is that almost all the people who write about a technique are those who are heavily into it. The books are written by those who have taken that technique to the extreme. Though when you meet people in real-life they tend to be more open minded, the overriding feel of any internet discussions is that going further is 'better', and just dabbling is not doing it properly.

The porn that is produced on any technique usually then takes things even further than real-life. Not only is most FemDom porn photos unsuitable for my Tumblr blog, but it is next to impossible to find photos of some of the common Devotional activities.

Thanks again for your encouragement!

I welcome further discussion and feedback. If you have a view please post (the magic word for registration is Knight).

[Aaron Sheffield]

In trying to cover everything - every way Devotional Sex could be expanded (or shrunk) to meet one's needs, it leaves the vanilla reader somewhat lost in a maze of definitions, terms and comparisons of all of the different lifestyles and techniques incorporated by Devotional Sex - some of which would almost certainly be threatening or scary to the vanilla reader. Consolidating the essentials of Devotional Sex and explaining it in an orderly fashion with minimal or no comparisons to other lifestyles would be most accessible to a vanilla couple. You could leave some of the more detailed explanations of Devotional Sex (definition of terms and commands for example) to an appendix and leave all mention of potentially threatening or scary lifestyles (i.e. kink) to a future volume (Maybe "Advanced Devotional Sex").

This is good advice. It is tricky for an enthusiast to find the right perspective to write a volume intended for a wider audience. I do think the vocabulary should be left out of the first book. Readers will be able to identify with "woman" and "man" and imagine themselves slipping into the roles outlined in the book. But if readers quickly encounter "Princess" and "Knight," it sounds as though they have to commit to being something they're not before they can try out the ideas in devotional sex, and that's not the case.

The essential component of devotional sex that needs to come across to readers brand-new to the idea is the changed role of the male ejaculation. It is still a climax and a wonderful high for both partners, but it is no longer the aim of all the couple's sexual activities. That aim is now for the couples to enjoy their bond and all the erotic sensations they can create in each other for as long as they feel like it.

I think the description that appears on the sidebar of the photoblog right now is a little unwieldy. A new reader might feel that they have stumbled onto something very advanced, and that if they don't understand Tao or Tantra, that devotional sex won't be for them. They might even think that because of the mention of Tao, that devotional sex would be incompatible with their faith. I would rewrite it as, "Devotional Sex is a new sexual dynamic that leads to more frequent and more satisfying sexual activity. The key component of Devotional Sex involves changing assumptions about male ejaculation in ways that both partners find more satisfying." I'm happier with the first sentence there than I am the second.

It's hard for me to address many of the questions you posed here. I come much more from the vanilla side than from any other -ism or specialized sexual lifestyle, so I can't judge how valuable those communities might find it. I do think there's something very valuable here to the vanilla community, and in fact a couple could still be very vanilla while enjoying the benefits of devotional sex.

[Princess Sarah]

I don't think that asking questions such as 'how popular might devotional sex become' are particularly valuable. Michael, you are right to point out that there are many adherents to other flavours such as femdom, FLR, BDSM, male chastity, cuckolding etc. However, in our experience these are mostly led by male fantasy with perhaps a much smaller number of participants than we might suppose. Witnes the large number of women who offer BDSM, female domination etc. as a service. This suggests to me that there are many males who would like to experience, albeit briefly, such lifestyles. For my part, I'm not a particularly dominant woman. I'm married to a masculine, yet sexually submissive man. Whilst we had talked about this many times in the past it wasn't until we discovered devotional sex that I felt empowered to express my thoughts and feelings and take complete ownership of them. Before Devotional Sex I feared that if I expressed my desires and fantasies they would be collected and owned by my husband. I feared he would then engineer situations, scenes etc. and control them and I would be an unwilling passenger. Devotional sex has empowered me such that I understand I can say no, I make the decisions about our sensual and sexual lives. So in the past we have talked about cuckolding. It never appealed as I felt it humiliating to paul and demeaning to myself. I felt that both of us could end up being used. With my new found confidence about myself and the devotion and love of my knight, the knowledge that I make the decisions I feel empowerd to explore my thoughts and desires to experience others with my knight.

This would not have happened had we not discovered devotional sex. As to future popularity I think it depends on how others might discover it. The improvement in my own happiness and well being has been noted by family and friends. I've shared my understanding and experience of devotional sex with one of them and she has even experienced paul's display for me. I hope that she willthen let this new found sense of joy into her own life. We will only build a community if we feel confident and strong enough to share this with others. If I share with just another friend, and exch of my two friends start to live the lifestyle and they share it with two friends each, then soon the community will grow.

But, even if the community does not grow we have each on this forum discovered our own happiness and surely that is all that matters.

Sarah x