I’m curious…in the survey couple you reference they have Joy four times a week but the Knight only orgasms once in three weeks.
I do not have a frame of reference for having sex and NOT climaxing!
Would you talk about that?
And wouldn’t that be intensely frustrating for him?
Thanks for your excellent question.
Yes, a man’s first night of Devotional Sex will feel intensely frustrating. His erection might not go down, and he may have trouble getting to sleep. If this were to continue no man would want to be her Knight. Fortunately part of the magic of DevS is that as he continues to practice DevS the frustration reduces until eventually there is no frustration but just intense intimacy and connection.
As his frustration becomes less he also starts to appreciate all the benefits to both him and her of DevS. So well before all frustration ends, he reaches a point where the benefits of DevS outweigh the costs.
The frame of reference which led me to discovering DevS was the ancient Eastern practices of Tao and Tantra. With these techniques the man commits to far fewer ejaculations. He learns to fully calm his sexual energy so there is no frustration and he isn’t wanting sexual activity all the time. He is still aroused when sex ends, but he feels that he has had enough.
DevS goes half way. A Knight learns to manage his energy to eliminate all or most frustration, but he deliberately keeps his erotic energy high enough to become aroused every morning and bedtime. As he now desires sexual activity every wakeup, bedtime, and inbetween, he gives her control over when sex will happen.
Just as with Tao and Tantra, a Knight is a man who has committed to have far fewer ejaculations because of all the benefits which arise to him and his partner. So DevS isn’t about her denying him - for her it just becomes normal that he doesn’t ejaculate most times sexual activity ends.
Given that with DevS a Knight has much more erotic energy when sexual activity ends than a man who practices an Eastern technique, a key part of DevS is the couple having a Devotional Cuddle afterwards. This is when his still high erotic energy is focused into feeling intimacy and connection (rather than frustration).
I discovered DevS way back in 1999 when I started to teach myself the Taoist technique of having an orgasm without ejaculating. I was going to bed each night having done some sexual exercises but not having ejaculated. The first few nights my partner responded to my sexual energy with us having sex. But then one night she didn’t want any activity and so was annoyed with my energy. She got cross and said that she wished I would give up on the multi-orgasmic man stuff so she could go to sleep.
I replied “How about I keep going, but you decide when we do or don’t have sex?”
She said “Good”, then rolled over and went to sleep.
We had just agreed on most of the commitments which define DevS!
I would have far fewer ejaculations, I give her control over what sex happens, and I have to manage my own sexual energy. And she always accepts my erotic energy, and she uses that to enhance her sexual and sensual life. This is not deciding what activity happens, but, as on that first night, deciding when nothing happens.
In your question you focused on the Knight’s frustration after having Joy (intercourse) without any ejaculation. Most of sessions of activity of the couple in the survey result didn’t include Joy, so of course a new Knight would feel frustrated at the end of that activity as well.
But for a well established couple who have had years (or decades) of sex being foreplay, intercourse, and then his ejaculation, a Knight will feel that the control he has given her is very real when he is having Joy and she says “Fini” and he has to pull out without ejaculation.
When in the past a woman has felt that intercourse was mainly about him getting off, it can feel very liberating and empowering for her to be able to enjoy Joy the way she wishes (usually much slower than before), for as short or long a time as she wishes, and then to end it and feel his desire for her in her hand as she gives him a Devotional Cuddle.
Another time when her control feels very real to both is having a session of just a long Pleasure Kiss, her orgasm, and then ending with a Devotional Cuddle. Here she may feel special and powerful as she has had an orgams and he has not. But she also feels how much he enjoyed pleasuring her as she holds his hardness, and she feels that he has enjoyed the session as much as she did.
Believe it or not, this is the short version of a reply as I could easily write much more.
I welcome any further questions or comments.
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