Thank you for your Devotional Sex website and advice! My wife and I now have an awesome sex life, due in large part to your ideas of putting the woman's pleasure before the man's.
My wife now can't wait to make love, and is dripping wet with anticipation when we retire to our bedroom. She tells me during the day that her vulva swells as she thinks of me going down on her.
Ever since I explained to her that her pleasure must come first and that I will do absolutely anything that she desires, for as long as she wants, her libido has gone through the roof. She wants to make love at least every second day and has never turned me down again.
Thanks again!
I replied:
Thanks for letting me know what a huge difference reading about DevS has made to your sex life.
One problem with writing about something online is that almost everyone who decides to try DevS, and then finds it works amazingly well for them, never post any feedback. So it's very special and encouraging for me when I do hear about a couple enjoying DevS.
For those new to DevS, "putting the woman's pleasure before the man's" can sound like she is a winner at his expense. Part of the magic of DevS is that even though she decides what happens, he ends up enjoying it as much as she does. In fact many men enjoy it so much that they want to always be her Knight.
You say "my wife now can't wait to make love" and then write about how much she enjoys you giving her oral sex. As "make love" usually means intercouse, I'm wondering what you do.
Most couples who practice DevS have intercourse about as often as they did before DevS, but have lots of extra sessions each week without intercourse but with him giving her oral sex. So I'm wondering if most of your sessions include both Pleasure Kisses (him giving her oral) and Joy (intercourse), or whether you have many sessions without Joy but with Pleasure Kissing.
With DevS she decides what happens. So if she likes Joy to happen most times then this is what happens.
One of the things I love about DevS is that whenever I'm first allowed to touch her Pleasure (with hand, mouth, or erection) I'm greeted by a wet and eager Pleasure. And this isn't just the first stage of arousal you see in porn where she is slightly wet, but full arousal were she is very swollen and wet.
Thanks again for posting as it gives me such a boost to know that I'm making a difference!
edsubmissive replied:
Hello DevSex, it’s great to be able to catch up with you again.
I found you over on Tumbr a few years ago and between your advice on Devotional Sex and what I learned reading “She Comes First “ by Ian Kerner my wife and I have completely changed our marriage, much for the better.
We haven’t used the Knight and Princess code that you suggested, but most other things you’ve recommended we have implemented. My dear wife was reluctant to adopt those terms, coming from a very conservative background she thought it too ‘Kinky’.
When I first started introducing your ideas I made a very special night for her, like a celebration and told her that our relationship including our sex life needed to change. But I was very clear, most of the changes were going to be made by me. I made her a promise that her pleasure should and would always be my first priority. I promised her that I would never orgasm without her permission, would never masturbate to orgasm again and would save all my sexual energy for her alone.
Although we are both in our mid 50s, having been married for more than 30 years, both of our libidos are very high, making love every other day at least. About half the time our lovemaking results in her having multiple orgasms, generally about 3 squirting orgasms as I give her head and one blended orgasm as she uses my cock and a vibrator. The other days she only uses my mouth on her mound and breasts and I only come if she wants to watch me orgasm, and she will jack me off.
A few other suggestions that we have adopted from your writing are: I keep my cock and balls shaved so I am totally naked for her. She trims her pubic hair so I can fully pleasure her. I only come if she desires it.
I have studied every book and research paper I can find on pleasuring and pampering women that I can find, and have found that most of what I have learned and what is most important it the guidance my wife has given me when I ask her how she likes to be touched.
I please her orally anytime she wants. Ever since I was able to assure her that her pleasure would always come first and that I would never rush her or pressure her to get me off, she has started to be able to squirt, and now has on average 3 squirting orgasms a day. I just love to swallow her juices, her scent on my face is just intoxicating.
I only enter her vagina with my cock if she pulls me in by my nipples, and now am trained to only thrust the way she desires, very slowly, and to throb with a kegel flex when she pinches or twists my nipples. I never have an orgasm during intercourse unless she desires to come together.
Most times I have an orgasm it is by her hands, one pulling on my balls and the other quickly stroking me as she instructs me to look into her eyes. She loves the eye contact as I submit to her touch.
Every morning when we wake and most nights before sleep she holds my erection, teasing me to full hardness for about 10 minutes. Every morning I get hard as soon as our first alarm goes, in anticipation of her touch. Like you said, my wife is fully engorged and dripping wet with lust before I have even touched her. I only have to suggest that I am thirsty and she starts to schedule our next l session.
Yes, I am being used, but I never have been so satisfied. I now have about as many orgasms as I used to and am very satisfied with that frequency, and my wife has about 4 times as many orgasms as I do. We both understand that limiting my orgasms has a great effect on how much I want to please her, and use this knowledge to her benefit.
I was sad when you lost most of your Tumblr audience, and hope that you have recovered your followers on new platforms.
I found your website about 6 years ago now. I knew I needed a change in our marriage and was looking for new ideas. It’s been 4 years now since I ‘renewed ‘ my vows to my wife and we both think of that as our second anniversary, our first being years earlier. Needless to say, our second anniversary is every bit as important as the first.
Thanks again for your advice, I hope you continue to reach out, teaching many more couples how easy it is to dramatically improve your marriage by putting her pleasure first, always.
I replied:
Thanks for sharing so much about your Devotional Sex life.
What it amazing is that you are not telling us about the start of a new adventure. Rather you are describing your sex life after SIX YEARS of living DevS!
You are a bit more active than most DevS couples your age, but as 22% of Princesses living DevS have 7 or more Pleasure Kisses (her receiving oral) each week, there are many others as active.
her scent on my face is just intoxicating
Interesting that you used "intoxicating" as just as the day before your post I had used that worked often in a reply to: https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/1bq9h01/does_pussy_actually_taste_good/
Where you are a bit unusual is that you have Joy (intercourse) more often than most.
I only enter her vagina with my cock if she pulls me in by my nipples, and now am trained to only thrust the way she desires, very slowly, and to throb with a kegel flex when she pinches or twists my nipples. I never have an orgasm during intercourse unless she desires to come together.
The pulling you up by your nipples is something I've not heard of before, but that Joy becomes very slow is common amongst those who have Joy. That almost all the time she ends Joy without you having Release also has her feel in control and you feeling very hers.
Some men are shocked by how different Joy becomes when it is done the way she wishes. For years / decades they had thought that pumping away and ejaculating is high performance sex, and yet what she really enjoys is very slow and you not Releasing.
Every morning when we wake and most nights before sleep she holds my erection, teasing me to full hardness for about 10 minutes. Every morning I get hard as soon as our first alarm goes, in anticipation of her touch.
This is so different from conventional sex yet so normal within Devotional Sex. These Devotional Cuddles are a key part of him turning his arousal into intimacy and connection.
A Devotional Cuddle after sex ends without you having had Release is very powerful. You feel satisfied and proud to have given her so much pleasure and orgasms.
Yes, I am being used, but I never have been so satisfied.
A key part of Devotional Sex is that during the after sex Devotional Cuddle she knows that you are as happy as she is, and that your giving her your sexual energy has made you both very happy.
We haven’t used the Knight and Princess code that you suggested,
All the terminology is option with your partner. Each couple should do what works for them.
I have studied every book and research paper I can find on pleasuring and pampering women that I can find, and have found that most of what I have learned and what is most important it the guidance my wife has given me when I ask her how she likes to be touched.
Lots of books, and most internet comments (see r/sex) have an assumption that the man leads and can learn what to do. This is treating a woman as a music instrument.
So it seems that one of the most radical ideas in DevS is her deciding what happens and letting him know what she likes. And you are a very good Knight for asking her as well.
I would add to your comment about being told it the importance of a Knight tuning in to her feelings and movements and responding appropriately to this. So giving a Pleasure Kiss isn't a series of steps and techniques. It's responding to her and pleasuring her the way it feels right to do at that time.
I was sad when you lost most of your Tumblr audience, and hope that you have recovered your followers on new platforms.
I was very sad as Tumblr was the main way I was attracting people to the website. I've never found an equally effective alternative, so things have been very quiet in the forum on my website and not many visitors to the website.
I'm hoping that I may generate some interest on Reddit. Perhaps doing some posts on r/sex will get a few people to check me out.
End of quoting my Reddit reply.
You can read the Devotional Sex Reddit at https://www.reddit.com/r/DevotionalSex/ . (Note that as it's an 18+ reddit, you probably need to have a reddit account and to have set that you are wanting to see 18+ content.)
I welcome any comments and discussion.
Note that this topic is in the part of the forum which can be read by anyone. See HERE for how you can reply to this post (which can be totally anonymous).
