Why I wish young adults knew about Devotional Sex

[Devotional Sex]

I become sexual active in 1979. The world has changed very significantly since then, and this includes how we think and feel about sex.

All the surveys show that we (all ages) are now having less sex than in the past, and there has been a significant decline in the amount of sex young adults engage in.

I believe that the main reason for this is that since the internet, societies views and expectations of sex has changed significantly. The main driver of this has been porn, and a secondary driver has been companies (eg Facebook, Tumblr) banning sexual content. So the internet has been split into the commercial porn part with the rest being very puritanical. There is now no place for viewing sexual content which presents intimate connected erotic sex.

For example, when Tumblr allowed adult content there was a thriving sub-set of blogs which showed and talked about sex less extreme than porn. Most of those now practicing Devotional Sex discovered it from my Tumblr blog which includes lots of explicit photos which could be interpreted as showing Devotional Sex. One mum once told me that my photo blog is the sort of thing she would be happy for her 16 year old daughter to view. Of course Tumblr then banned explicit content. All the hard core porn just moved to other website, but I've never found somewhere else where my Tumblr could be replicated and attract new people to DevS. Also it is very hard to advertise a sex positive website as Google Ads rules makes clear that even something like Tantric Sex is banned.

Sex education may say that porn isn't real sex, but societies prudery prevents telling young adults how sex can be done differently from porn. And there is nowhere where young adults can view an alternative to porn sex. Thus young adults educate themselves about sex by looking at porn, and this includes young adult women.

For young adults there is casual sex (now often called hook-up sex) and there is relationship sex.

Young men now see casual sex as a chance to fulfill their porn fantasies. Some men think that a woman accepting casual sex is thus a slut wanting to be treated as such. So casual sex for him is very much using her. And young men who are more caring don't have any alternative to porn sex to guide them on what to do.

Most young women having casual sex no longer expect that this is about their pleasure. And some think the purpose is to show him that they are good at sex. And 'good at sex' of course means acting like the women in porn.

Most young adult men know that sex in a relationship has to move to a more loving dynamic with some focus on pleasing her. But, as they know no better, that is often just a milder form of porn sex. He still pumps away like a steam engine, he still wants to cum on her face, and anal sex and choking can still be on his list of sexual activities.

Sex back before the internet wasn't usually amazing sex. His orgasm was key and most men were not concerned in pleasuring her. But sex back then wasn't at all like internet porn. Find some porn from the late 70's or early 80's and you will see that it is much more normal people (not the super fit bodies we see now) having normal friendly sex.

Young women these days don't have the option of having pre-internet sex, and they have probably not even heard of any of the ways of making connected sex much better. So I believe that the key reason that young adults are having less sex is that casual sex for women isn't usually fun or pleasurable.

Another factor is that all the talk about consent has driven some men to either of two extremes. At one end are those men who sexually assault/rape women not caring about the impact upon them. Research has found that in college the men who have assaulted a women have done this an average of six times. So take 10 men and 10 women, it take only one bad man and six of the women will say they have had a very bad experience.

At the other extreme there are the nice men who are now scared to initiate and engage in sex as he doesn't want to appear as a bad man. The rightful venom due to the few bad men all too often lumps all men into the same boat.

So why do I wish young adults knew about Devotional Sex?

One reason is that if a young adult decides to practice Devotional Sex this acts as an antidote to porn. So yes, of course I think some young adults will thrive and have an amazing sex life if they practiced Devotional Sex.

But the key reason is that young adults knowing about Devotional Sex gives them an alternative which is the opposite of porn. Just knowing that this is possible may move many of them, even just a little bit, away from porn towards mutual pleasure. For example, a young female knowing that it's possible to have sex which is totally focussed on her pleasure means that she is more likely to try to move things, however slightly, towards something she likes.

Of course Devotional Friends (the DevS way of enjoying erotic intimacy and fun without a relationship) and Devotional Dating (when things might develop into a relationship) won't be for everybody. But imagine if even just 5% of young adults liked it! The numbers doing it would be huge.

And those who know someone who practices Devotional Sex are even more likely to be nudged to be just a little more focus on mutual pleasure in their hookups and relationships.

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This is just a firsts draft of these ideas, which I shall refine over time. I'm keen to have feedback as any discussion will help me create a better version. I look forward to any responses!

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