Consent, what happens, and how you both feel

[Devotional Sex]

SHORT:

Devotional Sex makes clear to a man the huge gap between what happens with normal sex and what happens if everything done has her enthusiastic consent.

LONG:

Devotional Sex changes what sexual activity happens and how it is done. It also creates new feelings for both him and her. I've recently been thinking about Devotional Friends (DevS practiced by two singles when neither want a relationship) and realized that this leads to a shocking conclusion about consent. This is most apparent with Devotional Friends, but it also applies to Dev. Dating and Dev. Relationships.

Consent is not just something which is nice to have, but sexual activity without consent is sexual assault or rape - both serious crimes. So given that the activity is consensual, what happens and how does it feel with normal sex when there is consent?

Especially with casual sex the male will often be trying to get as far as he can. If he gets her consent then all, to him, is fine.

For her even if she knows all about consent, the heat of the moment and the pressure from him to go further can have her feeling that it is easier to just let things happen rather than make a huge fuss about consent to stop something. His lead in what happens can have moments where she really enjoys something but he may quickly move on to some things that are not enjoyable.

For a couple who are in a long-term relationship she can feel that they have their normal way of having sex and that is just what sex is. So if he makes an advance she decides to either say no to any activity or to go with their usual package.

Some sex educators talk about 'enthusiastic consent'. This gives the ideal of only doing what both are keen to do. But I think few know how to put this into practice, and though it raises the bar for consent, it is still locked into the male led normal way that most couples have sex.

Devotional Sex has him give her control over what happens. With dating and in a relationship what happens is a full sex life, so her control is most apparent within a Devotional Friendship as what happens isn't aimed at providing a full sex life but just those activities which she wishes to enjoy with her Devotional Friend. The two main drivers for the male are removed (becoming her Knight means he agrees they will never have intercourse and that he will never ejaclate when with her). This means that it is easy for her to explore this new world. One Princess may use her control to enjoy receiving lots of oral sex and having lots of ograsms, another may use it for receiving massages and enjoying erotic fun without her letting him give her full sexual pleasures.

For her this is better than just enthusiastic consent as nothing happens unless she wishes, and when something does happen she can set how it is done and how long it lasts.

Consent has now been shifted to the Knight. He only commits to fulfill her wishes within what he is willing to do at that time. So if he isn't willing it's his responsibility to speak up. His Princess has committed to ensure that overall he enjoys what happens. So she has to monitor his feelings to ensure that he is willing, and to ensure that anything she has him do which is willing but not keen is more than made up for by the things he enjoys.

For her this is like having been locked in a cage of male led sex having the door opened a whole new world to explore. Some may run out and immediately find fun things to try. But some will find this new world so new that they are not sure about what to do. Fortunately Devotional Sex enables them to explore only what they are ready for.

One thing which Devotional Friends makes clear is that what she wants to enjoy can include intimacy, sensual pleasures, and erotic fun (her enjoying him desiring her without sexual activity). Conventional casual sex focusses on sexual activities, but a Devotional Friendship can mainly
(or only) be about enjoying the other things.

For her Devotional Sex is likely to feel liberating, exciting, and very fulfilling.

A Knight always wishes that more happens. In a relationship what matters is that he enjoys what does happen so much that he is overall very happy or extremely happy, and so he wants to be her Knight and not go back to the old ways. In a Devotional Friendship he will only keep being her Knight if he enjoys what does happen much more than nothing happening. Either way, he is wishing more happened.

Especially for a new Knight the difference between a Devotional Friendship and a normal hookup / casual encounter will be huge. He will be eager to do much more than his Princess decides will happen, so he will feel very held back.

Yet, what is happening is what she wishes to happen, and what doesn't happen are things that she doesn't want.

The many activities, and the way they are done, which are normal with casual sex but don't happen within this Devotional Friendship are the many things which she is putting up with without enthusiastic consent.

A man who thinks sex is about fulfilling his needs and getting her to fulfill his fantasies is never going to want to be a Knight.

A man who highly values his partner's pleasure, who accept the limitation of being a Knight due to much more activity happening, and who finds that tuning in to her pleasure makes what happens much more satisfying for him, will very much enjoy being her Knight.

For some men this very different way of enjoying sexual activity and intimacy can make normal sex feel disconnected, selfish, and boring. This is why some men will chose to use Devotional Sex for all their activity with friends, then dating, then relationship.

This is another first draft. I welcome any comments, questions, or suggestions of how to improve this text.

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