Why do so few people post about Devotional Sex?

[Devotional Sex]

The main reason that this forum is quiet is that DevS is so new and unknown that few people practice it compared to other techniques, and, of course, fewer people practicing it means fewer posts.

But a more puzzling question is Why do most of those who practice DevS never post, and why do most of those who do post only post a few times?

Having been asked this by a new forum member the topic was on my mind. A few days later I mentioned some forum activity to my partner, and she said that she really should post an update to her topic on the forum sometime "but nothing has happened recently".

She said this during a post-session cuddle after some great DevS. Also the day before she had taken me to bed before we went out to dinner, and I'd given her a long Pleasure Kiss, and an orgasm, and then we got up and 20 minutes later we were at the restaurant. I was, of course, still energized, and I still had the taste of her on my lips. There were other couples at the dimly lit restaurant, and given the romantic atmosphere she said "I bet none of the other couples have just done what we did" and gave me a very sexy, contented, and happy smile.

So her "nothing has happened" comment didn't mean no activity, it didn't even mean that we hadn't done something special (ie the Devotional Entree before going out for dinner). What her comment made clear to me is that our wonderful and still exciting Devotional Sex life was our normal. And people don't write about their normal.

Some, especially men, think of DevS as being a mild version of Femdom, Chastity or a Female Led Relationship. They might rightly respond that all of these techniques have thriving active forums. So why is DevS not the same?

The reason is that DevS is actually far closer to Tantra than any other technique. Her control isn't about her acting or feeling dominant or bossy - it's just the way DevS is managed. Like Tantra (and Tao) with DevS the man decides to have far fewer ejaculations because overall this enhances his life. Like Tantra the focus of DevS is doing normal vanilla sexual activities in a way which enhances pleasure and connection. Like Tantra DevS isn't kinky.

Tantra is a niche practice, but most people have at least heard of it. Search Amazon under books for "Tantra" or "Tantric" and there are thousands of results. Do the same with Google and there are also a huge number of hits. Because I let Google use my location, my first hits were for Tantric courses or workshops in my city. But looking at the results further and almost all of the proper websites about Tantra are either someone promoting their book or their courses or services (eg Tantric Massage). The bulk of the information about Tantra is people promoting their business (book or courses).

Where is the thriving forum on Tantric Sex? For years I've searched for one as I would love to ask those who practice Tantra some questions. It seems that the most active forum about Tantric Sex is https://www.reddit.com/r/tantricsex/. This has 37k members, but there are few new posts each week and not many replies. And most of the posts are people asking questions about getting started.

If you look at the kink forums the bulk of the posts are either people wanting to start the kink, or people posting about their extreme practice of it and being cheered on by the wannabes. There is very little talk about the standard sexual activities. The focus is on the kink and people don't write much about the associated sexual activities.

Though the DevS website isn't complete, there is enough there for most interested couples to be able to start to explore DevS without needing to ask further questions. When she is the one who is keen to try DevS I recommend that if he is willing and open to seeing what happens, they agree to practice DevS for a month. This is long enough for him to get used to fewer ejaculations and for him to start to get a good feel for the benefits. (Of course DevS will only continue after the month if both want to continue.) The one month trial is also long enough for her to be able to explore what works for her, and for the couple to start to settle into their new normal.

So most couples don't need a forum to get started, and once DevS becomes their new normal, almost no-one wishes to start posting about the details of their sex life. Hence I believe even when DevS becomes much more well known and practiced, like Tantra there won't be a very active forum.

Fortunately for me an exception to not posting about what activities you do and how often is that some who practice DevS have responded to my surveys. I have over 300 responses to my Orgasm Survey, over 300 to my Orgasm Survey, and over 500 responses to my Affirmation Survey.

So even though the forum has always been fairly quiet, I know that there a many couple out there practicing DevS, and I'm able to write about what most couples actually do and the huge variation to this which is possible within DevS.

I very much welcome any comments about this post. Does my explanation make sense to you? Or do you think I've missed something?

Note that this topic is in the part of the forum which can be read by anyone. See HERE for how you can reply to this post (which can be totally anonymous).

[RevSir]

It seems to me that people look on the internet / forums for things they want to know an answer to. If I don't know how to change a car tyre then I'll do a google search find something that looks like a sensible solution and follow the advice (possibly taking inspiration from a number of different sites / forums) and hopefully successfully change my tyre. I might then need further advice when I discover I don't know where to put the jack on my particular car. Once I've completed this heroic task of changing the tyre I might post about how amazed I was that I was able to do it or offer thanks for the advice I discovered.

Having changed a couple of tyres I no longer need the advice from the outside world and it has become a trivial thing, an ordinary thing that it is no longer newsworthy. So it doesn't get online, unless someone else is looking for instructions on how to change a tyre in which case I might offer my advice to them. The internet is full of 'experts' who know 'exactly how stuff should be done', thankfully there isn't much of that on this forum.

I wonder if, given a lot of people have completed surveys about their devotional sex life, a survey of a weekly diary might work?

eg
Tick all those that apply
Monday morning
short (<5 mins) medium (5-15 mins) long (>15 mins)
cuddle x
kissing
devotional cuddle
pleasure play
desire play
pleasure kiss
desire kiss
joy
other (specify)

Monday evening
short (<5 mins) medium (5-15 mins) long (>15 mins)
cuddle x
kissing x
devotional cuddle x
pleasure play
desire play
pleasure kiss x
desire kiss
joy
other (specify)

You might include a 'no activity' option with 'too tired / apart / no time / chose nothing' or similar options.

You might include a day time slot as an optional extra, but feel that morning and evening for 7 days should be required to be answered, ie minimum of 14 answers.

I think you've asked for something a bit similar in 'how many times do you... ' adding up to 14 slots but this would be more specific and more anonymous, therefore possibly gaining more results?

[Devotional Sex]

You are thinking along the same lines as me. Rather than hoping people will do lots of posts on the forum, aim for getting:

SHORT REVIEWS - maybe just a few lines - for initial reading about it / doing it when it is new / and how it is after a year or more.

SURVEYS - I already have lots. I could create some new ones.

DIARIES - say what they do everyday for as long as they wish - eg for just a Season.

I think the big problem now is that most of those who are practicing DevS are no longer looking at the website, forum, or DevS on Reddit (which is fairly new) or Tumblr (which isn't worth posting on now).

When I had the Photo Blog on Tumblr this worked very well for spreading the word. Many kept following the Photo Blog as part of their Tumblr feed as they enjoyed the photos. So when I posted about a survey I was getting responses from some who had been practicing DevS for years.

So unfortunately I expect that the forum will remain fairly quiet even as new people continue to discover DevS.

[Devotional Sex]

Since writing the first post I've found that the /tantricsex reddit pushes a view of Tantric Sex which I had never heard about before. This will be the subject of a future post.

So this /tantricsex is NOT recommended for anyone interested in both DevS and Tantra.

It also means that there is not a single forum which discusses Tantric Sex of they type that I'm interested in. Please prove me wrong if you can.

[seeker]

I think the question people may be looking to answer that would point to Devotional Sex is.
1. How can I have sex that my girlfriend/wife enjoys. ( target men)
2. How can I enjoy sex ( target female)
3. I can I last longer in bed ( target men )
4. How can I help my husband/boyfriend to last longer ( target women)
5. How can we have female centric sex ( either)

People will look at Devotional sex searching for answers to these questions as a thought.