Devotional Sex Forum

In response to my post of a survey reply showing an example of real-life Devotional Sex, a Reddit reader posted:

I’m curious…in the survey couple you reference they have Joy four times a week but the Knight only orgasms once in three weeks.
I do not have a frame of reference for having sex and NOT climaxing!
Would you talk about that?

And wouldn’t that be intensely frustrating for him?

Thanks for your excellent question.

Yes, a man’s first night of Devotional Sex will feel intensely frustrating. His erection might not go down, and he may have trouble getting to sleep. If this were to continue no man would want to be her Knight. Fortunately part of the magic of DevS is that as he continues to practice DevS the frustration reduces until eventually there is no frustration but just intense intimacy and connection.

As his frustration becomes less he also starts to appreciate all the benefits to both him and her of DevS. So well before all frustration ends, he reaches a point where the benefits of DevS outweigh the costs.

The frame of reference which led me to discovering DevS was the ancient Eastern practices of Tao and Tantra. With these techniques the man commits to far fewer ejaculations. He learns to fully calm his sexual energy so there is no frustration and he isn’t wanting sexual activity all the time. He is still aroused when sex ends, but he feels that he has had enough.

DevS goes half way. A Knight learns to manage his energy to eliminate all or most frustration, but he deliberately keeps his erotic energy high enough to become aroused every morning and bedtime. As he now desires sexual activity every wakeup, bedtime, and inbetween, he gives her control over when sex will happen.

Just as with Tao and Tantra, a Knight is a man who has committed to have far fewer ejaculations because of all the benefits which arise to him and his partner. So DevS isn’t about her denying him - for her it just becomes normal that he doesn’t ejaculate most times sexual activity ends.

Given that with DevS a Knight has much more erotic energy when sexual activity ends than a man who practices an Eastern technique, a key part of DevS is the couple having a Devotional Cuddle afterwards. This is when his still high erotic energy is focused into feeling intimacy and connection (rather than frustration).

I discovered DevS way back in 1999 when I started to teach myself the Taoist technique of having an orgasm without ejaculating. I was going to bed each night having done some sexual exercises but not having ejaculated. The first few nights my partner responded to my sexual energy with us having sex. But then one night she didn’t want any activity and so was annoyed with my energy. She got cross and said that she wished I would give up on the multi-orgasmic man stuff so she could go to sleep.

I replied “How about I keep going, but you decide when we do or don’t have sex?”

She said “Good”, then rolled over and went to sleep.

We had just agreed on most of the commitments which define DevS!

I would have far fewer ejaculations, I give her control over what sex happens, and I have to manage my own sexual energy. And she always accepts my erotic energy, and she uses that to enhance her sexual and sensual life. This is not deciding what activity happens, but, as on that first night, deciding when nothing happens.

In your question you focused on the Knight’s frustration after having Joy (intercourse) without any ejaculation. Most of sessions of activity of the couple in the survey result didn’t include Joy, so of course a new Knight would feel frustrated at the end of that activity as well.

But for a well established couple who have had years (or decades) of sex being foreplay, intercourse, and then his ejaculation, a Knight will feel that the control he has given her is very real when he is having Joy and she says “Fini” and he has to pull out without ejaculation.

When in the past a woman has felt that intercourse was mainly about him getting off, it can feel very liberating and empowering for her to be able to enjoy Joy the way she wishes (usually much slower than before), for as short or long a time as she wishes, and then to end it and feel his desire for her in her hand as she gives him a Devotional Cuddle.

Another time when her control feels very real to both is having a session of just a long Pleasure Kiss, her orgasm, and then ending with a Devotional Cuddle. Here she may feel special and powerful as she has had an orgams and he has not. But she also feels how much he enjoyed pleasuring her as she holds his hardness, and she feels that he has enjoyed the session as much as she did.

Believe it or not, this is the short version of a reply as I could easily write much more.

I welcome any further questions or comments.

Note that this topic is in the part of the forum which can be read by anyone. See HERE for how you can reply to this post (which can be totally anonymous).

I can't say realistically about joy not including release because Joy is a very rare event for us. However (I'm probably speaking to the converted), I find lack of activity / lack of connection way more frustrating than activity ending without release. Finishing desire play with a strong erection is energising rather than frustrating, it means there's more to come rather than it's all over. Activity without release is about one another, pleasuring one another, arousing one another rather than trying to reach a goal.

The goal is great but lasts only a moment, activity using devotional sex lasts way longer than the moment of release. Arguably it lasts for days compared to a minute. Not sure they really compare, living with an increased erotic energy for days and days versus a minute or so of ecstasy.

Great post RevSir.

I'll add that at the end of a Season the Princess does have her Knight ejaculate. Because of his built up energy this is much more intense and pleasurable than normal ejaculations. For some Knights the far more intense ejaculations are one the their biggest benefits arising from being a Knight.

So it's not that a Knight misses out on orgasms or that having them is bad. it's that for a Knight the benefits of not ejaculating most of the time far outweigh the short burst of pleasure from having lots of ejaculations.

Devotional Sex wrote:I'll add that at the end of a Season the Princess does have her Knight ejaculate. Because of his built up energy this is much more intense and pleasurable than normal ejaculations. For some Knights the far more intense ejaculations are one the their biggest benefits arising from being a Knight.

So it's not that a Knight misses out on orgasms or that having them is bad. it's that for a Knight the benefits of not ejaculating most of the time far outweigh the short burst of pleasure from having lots of ejaculations.

I wouldn't want anyone to think that ejaculation is bad or isn't a wonderful experience, just that it doesn't last very long when compared to an increase in erotic energy which lasts days. I absolutely enjoy release when it happens, and it so often more intense when it does happen.

Granted, I am the new kid here. But I don't understand "joy is a very rare event for us."

It is for US, because we have a sexless marriage.

But I would think that in a happy marriage that intercourse is a pretty common activity--weekly, a few times per week.

Why, in DevS relationships, is actual intercourse, "joy" so rare?

In conventional sex people think of 'sex' as perhaps doing some foreplay, then intercourse and him ejacualating. She may have an orgasm along the way.

With DevS most sessions don't end with him ejaculating. But if her control is limited to her deciding when they will have their standard foreplay and then intercourse, this is really just her deciding when their conventional sex will happen. Things are not much different other than he often doesn't ejacualte.

The huge difference with DevS is that her control is used to decide which activities will happen and for how long. Joy is now just one OPTIONAL item on the menu.

It's up to each Princess to decide how often she wants to enjoy a session, and what activities happen each session. So she has huge freedom.

My surveys have told me what many Princesses have decided for them. One thing which leaps out is that there is huge variation. An activity which most couples do a lot is not done or rarely done by some, and an activity which most don't do or rarely do is enjoyed by some often. The other thing the survey results show is that I can say what most Devotee couples do.

Most Devotee couples have Joy about as often as they did before DevS.

With conventional sex her starting activity (or responding to him starting it) has both expecting that this will lead to intercourse. So if she isn't in the mood for intercourse she won't let things get started. With DevS if she feels like some foreplay activity this no longer means that Joy is expected to follow - whether or not it does is up to her.

Part of the magic of DevS is that her freedom to not include Joy unless she wishes means that she initiates lots of extra sessions which don't have Joy. So the couple who had 'sex' once a week before DevS might with DevS enjoy five sessions a week, only one of which includes Joy.

This is why with DevS Joy, for most couples, doesn't happen most of the time.

Of course there are a few women who love Joy when they can set how it is done (usually much slower) and so Joy happens more often than before.

One of my biggest surprises from my survey is that about 20% of couples living DevS don't have Joy at all, or hardly ever. There may be a physical or mental reason why she has decided this. But some of these women like or don't mind Joy, but have decided that they prefer a sex life without it.

So for Joy being a "very rare event" means that the Princess prefers Joy to almost never happen, ie close to one of the 20% of couples living DevS.

My surveys also found that the 20% of couples who don't have Joy are just as happy overall with their DevS sex life as those couples who do have Joy.