To listen to the podcast just put into your search engine:
Weekly Hot Spot podcast Help! How Do I get my wife to dominate me?
Then pick the service which you are able to play (eg Apple, Amazon, etc)
They start the podcast saying that this question been asked often. About half way through, after talking about not dumping all his kinky desires onto his partner in one go, but instead start gently, they say:
Just google Devotional Sex. Read about Devotional Sex. It's a very submissive way to approach your partner. If you get that down hook, line, and sinker, it's an easier starting point from then. Devotional Sex is about her. It's really not to far out kinky. Treating her like the Queen which she is. You behave submissively. Then allow her to discover the joy of that.
Then you can go into all that, is she dominant only in sexual situations? Is it a Female Led Relationship, meaning that she's in charge all the time. There's so many ways to go about all this.
It's wonderful to know that DevS has had some publicity, and they hit the nail on the head saying that it is about her.
Devotional Sex doesn't require a Knight to be submissive. But as this topic is for men who want to be dominated I'll only consider here men who want to be submissive.
So why is DevS a great starting point? One key reason is that a Devotional Sex Princess never needs to act nor feel dominant. For her it isn't kinky. For her DevS is about enjoying better sex, being able to reach her orgasmic potential, and very importantly building and maintaining intimacy and connection.
With DevS the Knight commits to fulfilling all her sensual and sexual wishes. There are three ways that this can happen:
The first is that she thinks "great, he will do all I wish", and without thinking about or caring how he feels she exploits the control he has given her for her pleasure. This isn't how most women work. They want to know how he thinks and feels, as otherwise he is just a robot.
The second way is for him to share his submissive thoughts and desires. An example I read about in another forum was a man who had encouraged his wife to try chastity, and wanted to sometimes be unlocked and have his vanilla partner tell him to play with himself while she watched. He opened up to her and told her "I crave being totally under your control, helpless, awkward, dependent on your mercy".
If she was kinky, and like to dominate him and make him feel these things, she would smile and think "now that sounds fun". Making him do this and feel this way would be HER kink as well as his. But this topic is for men whose partner isn't kinky. How would a vanilla woman respond?
Her second commitment with DevS is to keep him equally happy, so she could pretend to be his Domme. But that is her being his unpaid dominatrix - and it's swapped focus to her doing things she doesn't want to do to please him.
The third way, the one that works, is for him to leave his kinks in his head and to act like a non-submissive Knight. This is a dynamic where she wants him to have a good time and to enjoy it as much as her, and so he tells her how she can please him.
So he could instead say:
"I love desiring you so much now that I'm your Knight. It's important to me that we only have sexual activity when you wish, so I don't expect activity every night. But I would love it if sometimes when you don't feel like doing anything that you would have me play with myself.
How often this happens is of course up to you. But now I've told you this it's exciting for me to know that you might have me do it one day. If you do have me do it I like the idea of you surprising me with how long I can play - sometimes only for a few minutes, and maybe sometimes for half an hour or longer while you read your book."
With DevS she knows and feels that whether or not this happens really is her decision. But if one night he has high energy and she isn't in the mood for activity, she now knows a way that she can PLEASE him. And maybe she likes the idea and has him play with himself under her supervision often.
I think the difference in approach is most obvious when dating. Every man knows that if he had a date with a vanilla women that telling her his kinky desires would end badly. But by introducing DevS to my dates, and presenting it all as 'vanilla with sparkles', I've often enjoyed giving my date a foot massage; her having me remove all my clothes; standing up naked near her as she, still clothed, enjoys looking at my erection; she has me sit back down to continue the foot massage; her telling me to put my underpants back on, we go to bed and I give her oral sex (often two sessions) and she has several orgasm; she never touches my erection - not even over my underpants; and it all ends without me ejaculating.
If some photos were taken and the captions were all about dominating, humiliation, only her pleasure matters, and denial - then this would be a submissive man's impossible fantasy. But due to my making this 'vanilla with sparkles' where what happened was mutual erotic and sexual fun, I've enjoyed this with a few vanilla dates.
So if a submissive man wants to practice Devotional Sex this will work best if he doesn't present this as him being submissive and kinky.
The first stage of getting your wife to dominate you as presented in the podcast was Devotional Sex. There next stage was to slowly introduce your kinks to her.
My view is that we all have our own innate tastes. It is possible that your partner has some innate Domme inside her that as never had the opportunity to get out. If she is kinky underneath Devotional Sex weill be a great base from which she can build up to a kinky lifestyle.
My definition of kink is an activity which has a sexual component and which a few people love, most people don't like, and many don't even understand why anyone could like it. Making someone feel humiliated in a sexual context is an example I think most would agree meets my definition.
This definition makes it clear that though a few will move to kink, it's far more likely that your wife doesn't want to dominant you, or even can't understand why any man would want to be dominated.
If kink isn't her, then Devotional Sex can be a great win-win for you both. He will have times when he feels her control is very real and it is challenging. He will have many times when he feels hers. And, I believe, practicing DevS will make him appreciate the non-kinky mutual pleasure and the intimacy and connection aspects so much that his need for kink won't be as powerful.
Finally, the podcast talked alot about Female Led Relationships (FLR). At its core this is a relationship where she makes the rules and has finally say on all the decisions. He enjoys obeying and pleasing her, and he does all or most of the housework. I believe that this dynamic is best suited to a naturally bossy woman - someone who knows what she wants and finds it natural to just tell him what to do. Of course she decides on how sex happens, but by this definition the sex could be fairly vanilla.
Devotional Sex has him only giving her control only over sexual and sensual aspects, and everything else is normal.
I see a FLR as being a different dynamic from Femdom. Femdom is best for a women who enjoys making their partner feel submissive and engaging in kinky play. Of course a woman can be both bossy and dominant, and then the couple combine both. And a couple who practice DevS can add some kink on top and/or expend her control to move towards a FLR.
The internet leads men to very much focus on their kinky desires, and the internet pushes men to have more and more full on and extreme kinky desires. So for many men how do I get my wife to dominate me? is how do I get my wife to act the role of an unpaid dominatrix so that I can live my kinky dream?.
Devotional Sex is relationship based. It aims for mutual pleasure and connection. And the core of this is that what works best for her is very likely to end up being the best that he can enjoy. So rather than asking how you can get your kinky desires met I recommend that you focus on your relationship and try to discover what works best for BOTH of you.
Good luck, and happy exploring.
