Living with Children

 
People have very different ideas about what it is appropriate for children to see and to know.

What is important is that both you and your partner are happy with what you decide about how much affection is ok for you to enjoy in front of your children, and that your children are bought up to be happy and healthy.

At one extreme is the conservative couple who believe that it is inappropriate for children to see any signs of affection between their parents (apart from a 50's style hello and goodbye kiss on the cheek). Some couples will also feel that any talk about sex with their children is inappropriate.

At the other extreme are those who think that it is OK for children to have age appropriate knowledge about sex, and that seeing their parents openly show affection to each other is natural and healthy. Some will think that children seeing non-sexual nudity is healthy.

You are likely to think that couples who are more conservative than you are prudes, and couples who are more liberal than you are going too far. Everyone is different. And note that Devotional Sex is practiced all around the world, and some countries are much more relaxed about sex than others. So please take all of this into account when reading the rest of this page.

Whether a couple practice 'normal' sex or Devotional Sex makes no difference to it being wrong (and illegal in many countries) to engage in explicit sexual activity which children can see.

 
Devotional Sex encourages erotic activity to be much more than just a few minutes of foreplay then a few minutes of intercourse, and this happening only 1.4 times a week (the average for couples in a relationship).

The biggest difference between 'normal' sex and Devotional Sex is that a Devotee couple will want to have many more wake ups and bedtimes which are couple time.

 
 
I recommend that you are able to lock or bolt the bedroom door so that when you do engage in activity a child won't walk in. Let your children know that the door will sometimes be locked so that you can enjoy couple time, and that if they ever need you that they can knock on the door.
 
 
 
 
Treat couple time as a normal and natural thing to do. If you act as if having couple time is something to hide or be ashamed of your children will also think this.

You might decide that it is fine not to lock the bedroom door when you are just having a Devotional Cuddle. After all, if a child walks in you are just cuddling under the covers.
 
 
You can use a new Wish Word "Door" which a Princess can say whenever she wishes her Knight to lock the bedroom door. Given that her saying this means that some sexual activity is extremely  likely, he will always be eager to jump out of bed and lock the door.

If you don't want to keep the door locked all night then she can set a Preference that once things are over, her Knight always gets up to unlock the door.

 
 
I strongly recommend that a Knight always be naked when in bed with his Princess.

If you establish that him being naked in bed is how things are then for your children this becomes a normal nudity like when taking a shower. If he keeps a robe or some shorts next to the bed he is able to get out of bed quickly without children seeing any nudity. Older children will learn that he needs his privacy to get out of bed.

 
 
Devotional Sex has a Knight always desire his Princess and it increases and maintains intimacy and connection. So a couple practicing Devotional Sex are likely to want to be affectionate more often than before.

What level of affection is and isn't appropriate when children are about is the same as if you are a 'normal' couple. So perhaps all your children will see is that you seem to be much more affectionate that most of the parents of their friends.

That you often, for example, have a cuddle when watching TV together, can seem totally normal.

 
 
Devotees with children may find some ways to enjoy and celebrate their dynamic when the children are about.

For example, some couples may feel that it is OK for children to see a fully clothed Knight giving his Princess a foot massage.

If watching TV together she could sometimes have her Knight wear Devotional Trousers and so some gently playing can happen when the children are in another room.

And if a Princess wishes her Knight to feel hers during normal time when the children are about she can sometimes have him wear something special under his clothing which he feels all the time and so is always aware that he is hers.

Depending on what he enjoys and he is willing to do, the special items could be a cock-strap, womens panties, or (for a time) even a small butt-plug.

She can create some code words so that he knows when she wants him to go into the bedroom and put on the special item.

When a couple go out with their children she can also sometimes have her Knight wear something special or she could sometimes Enchant him.
 
 
Affirmation is sexualized male nudity. Not only is he often erect, but even when he isn't there will often still be the feel of a sexual dynamic.

Thus Affirmation is always inappropriate to do with children about.
 
 
 
 
Of course Affirmation - with him at least sometimes erect - can be enjoyed when the couple are alone in the house (the children are at school or visiting friends).

I recommend that an Affirmed Knight always have some shorts and a t-shirt handy so that if there are unexpected visitors he can get dressed very quickly.

 
 
Devotional Sex only gives her control over the sexual and sensual aspects of a couple's life. So apart from perhaps you being more affectionate than other couples and having more private couple time, your children wont' see anything strange.

Because a Knight is always eager for sex, he is more keen than most men to keep his partner happy. So a Knight will probably help with the housework more than he used to. But, these days especially, this may be seen as just him cheerfully doing his share.
 
 

 
Whether a couple is doing 'normal' sex or Devotional Sex it is always possible that one day a child will walk in unexpectedly (perhaps you forgot to lock the bedroom door) and see much more than they should.

Though Devotional Sex is a very different dynamic than 'normal' sex, for someone walking in what you are doing will look exactly the same as 'normal' sex. So for advice on how to deal with this just Google something like what to say if your children see you having sex and you are sure to find at least one article which will help.

 
I'm strongly in favor of children being given age appropriate sex education as they grow up.

Though having children restricts what a couple can do, what children see can be very close to normal.  So the basics of sex education are the same.
 
 
I think that sex education needs to do more than just the usual how babies are made, how to prevent sexual diseases, and the importance of all sexual activity being consensual.

We live in a world where the majority of what a young person learns about sex just before starting to explore sex for the first time comes not from sex education but from the world of porn.

Rather than just telling kids that porn is bad and that porn is mainly acting and so real-life sex isn't like porn, I think we need to teach kids what good sex is like.

I would love it if kids learned about Devotional Sex as part of their sex education. This isn't because I expect them to all do this. But because it shows that rather than sex just being consensual it can be something focussed on making both people happy.

Telling boys about Devotional Sex may make them think a bit more about female pleasure and what she thinks and feels. And telling girls about Devotional Sex may raise their expectations of what they want from their future partners and make them feel more confident in asking for what they want and, most importantly, saying no to activities which they don't wish to do.

Rather than sex being about "Can I get my partner to consent to ..." I would like everyone to be thinking "What can we do together which we will both enjoy?"
 
 
Devotional Sex is very unlikely to get a mention in any formal sex education classes anytime soon. But I think it can form a part of how some parents talk about sex with their children.

Of course each couple must decide what they think is right, but I can see significant benefits in letting your children know that you practice Devotional Sex, and how this works, a year or so before they become sexually active.

I see huge benefits for both young men and young women in using Devotional Sex in their first explorations of sex. It restores the old idea of moving forward very slowly and that sexual activity can be enjoyed without intercourse. And it puts a focus on intimacy and connection rather than on doing what the porn stars do.

A young man becoming his girlfriends Knight enables him to feel and express desire as he has given her control over what happens. So as a Knight the only consent he needs to worry about is that he consents to do what his Princess wishes (and if she asks for something he isn't willing to do then he is the one who must say "no").

Of course Devotional Sex is also a wonderful way for a young woman to first explore sex and to get to know her boyfriend.

But whether or not they do Devotional Sex is something they will decide.

Your decision is whether or not you share with them this antidote to porn, and tell them about this early enough for it to make at least some difference when they start to become sexually active.


As an adult I have never lived with children. So I have no personal experience of living Devotional Sex when children also live in the house.

But the fact that you have looked at this page makes it likely that you do have children living at home, and so your experience is much greater than mine!

So please consider contributing on this topic by either posting here on the forum or by contacting me directly.

The forum is also the place to ask questions and to seek further advice.