Him initiating vs Her control

There are three ways a Knight can initiate an activity - him having an erection is all that is needed for her to know that he is eager for activity; he may verbally suggest or request an activity; and, if allowed, he may physically start an activity.

Too much physical initiation from him will have her feeling pressured for activity or annoyed - too little and it may feel that she is doing all the work. So each Princess has to find the balance that makes her most happy.  This could be that he is allowed (or encouraged) to initiate affection outside of the bedroom but that he never physically initiates a sexual act.

This section looks into the factors that help her decide where the balance between him initiating and her control should be.

 
A Knight with an erection is a Knight eager for activity.

So if, during just a cuddle in bed, she can feel that he is hard, she knows that he would like a Devotional Cuddle. And during a Devotional Cuddle his erection in her hand makes it very clear  that he is eager for sexual activity.

When she ends some sexual activity and he hasn't had release, his erection in her hand during an after-sex Devotional Cuddle also proves that he is still keen for more.

So most of the time his desire - as proven by his hard Desire - says all that needs to be said.


A Princess will know how her Knight feels about each sexual activity.

So if, for example, her giving him a Desire Kiss is a special treat, he doesn't need to tell her that if she did this it would be very much enjoyed.

Thus there is no need for him to tell her all the things that he would like to do and which would be special treats. His hard Desire does the talking and she knows what he desires.

 
Though his hard Desire does most of the talking, a Knight can make suggestions and requests.


Outside of the bedroom he could ask if she would like a foot massage or she would like him to be Affirmed. In the bedroom he could suggest giving her a back rub or a sexual activity that he thinks would suit her mood.

When first exploring Devotional Sex it can help for him to make it clear that he is happy to do just one activity. For example "Would you like a Pleasure Kiss and then just a Devotional Cuddle?"


If he really wants some activity then he could request that she play with him or, if she has set a Preference that he needs her permission to do this when with her,  ask if he can play with himself.

He can also let her know when he is particularly keen to do something to her. For example "I would really love to give you a Pleasure Kiss tonight."

Especially when a couple first explore Devotional Sex she may forget to give him a Devotional Cuddle when she ends sexual activity after her orgasm. Rather than him feeling frustrated and rejected he should ask for a Devotional Cuddle. (She can decline, but as a post-sex Devotional Cuddle is where intimacy and connection thrive, hopefully she will usually just move her hand to take hold of his erection).


A Knight can spell out what he wants. But an easy (for both) shorthand is for him to just say one of the Wish Words as a question.

So instead of saying "Can I give you a Pleasure Kiss?" he can just say "Pleasure?", and if he would like to play with her Pleasure he can just say "Caress?".


Too many suggestions or requests will start to feel like pestering.

So a Knight should not go too far and if he does she can tell him to "Be Quiet" for that session or set a Preference for much fewer suggestions and requests.

 
Physical initiation is when he starts an activity, or if one activity is happening moves things forward by starting another activity.

If she enjoys what he started she lets the activity continue for as long as she wishes and then can say "Fini" to end it.

When he is allowed, or encouraged, to physically initiate something but he does this when she doesn't want it to happen she need only say:

• "No" - and he stops the activity, or
  
  
• "Later" - and he stops the activity but is allowed to try to initiate it again a bit later.

 
Though a Knight gets better at guessing what his Princess is feeling, he isn't a mind reader.

So, if for example, she likes him physically initiating Pleasure Play and he mistakenly thinks she doesn't want this yet, then instead of feeling annoyed with him for not reading her mind she should just say "Caress" and it will happen.

And even if most of the time he gets his timing right, there are certain to be a few times when he gets it wrong and he starts to play with her when she doesn't want this. She can quickly stop him by saying "No" or "Later", and she should try to not be annoyed with him when he gets it wrong.

 
If him physically initiating an activity is likely to often or sometimes annoy her, or just because she likes to be in control, a Princess can set a Preference that her Knight never physically initiate some activities.

These activities will then only happen when either she wants him to do it (eg by saying a Wish Word) or he suggests it and she accepts.


What works best is that she allows him to take the physical initiative with all those things where him doing so makes her feel more special as his Princess.

And if not allowing him to physically initiate an activity makes her feel more special or relaxed as his Princess then him initiating this should not be allowed.


What she decides is likely to be very different for affection outside of the bedroom, cuddles, and for sexual activity.
 
 
Most Princesses will probably allow (and enjoy) their Knight physically initiating normal acts of affection such as hugs, hand holding, kissing, etc.

With 'normal sex' if his passion grows during a hug or a kiss, and she doesn't want things to lead to activity, she will push him away before his passion starts to grow.

But with Devotional Sex it is normal for her to end an activity leaving him still aroused. So if she wishes she can enjoy letting her Knight's passion grow and perhaps even keep things going until he is fully hard.


A Princess who doesn't like him getting too passionate during a hug might, for example, set a Preference that he isn't allowed to squeeze her bum without her permission.

It helps if she gives him guidance and feedback on any affection he initiates.

For example, if at a restaurant he lifts up her hand and gives it a kiss she can say "that's nice, but behave now" or "Mmm, I like that. Thank you".
 
 
Most will be happy for their Knight to automatically cuddle them in bed.

But I had one Princess who liked to wake up a bit before any cuddle so I had to wait for permission before I could give her a morning cuddle.

A Princess can also set a Preference for what can and can't happen during just a cuddle.

My first Princess didn't like me holding her breasts during a cuddle unless she had asked for this or I had requested permission and she had approved.  Another Princess wasn't happy unless I always held her breast during a cuddle - so the only constant is that each Princess sets what makes her happiest.
 
 
With 'normal sex' him initiating some foreplay and her accepting or encouraging this is, for most couples, both knowing that one thing is expected to lead to another and so this session will probably end with intercourse and his ejaculation.

So if she doesn't want to go all the way she rebuffs his attempt to start some foreplay. Thus 'normal sex' tends to be everything or nothing.


Devotional Sex has him almost always keen to go further, but there being no expectation that it will. In fact most activity within Devotional Sex doesn't go all the way.

So a Princess can start a Devotional Cuddle feeling relaxed and comfortable that nothing further will happen unless she wishes. And she can start doing one sexual activity feeling relaxed and comfortable that this will end as soon as she wishes and that another activity will only start if she wishes.


If a Knight physically initiates a sexual activity during a Devotional Cuddle (eg starts some Pleasure Play) or when doing a sexual activity or when one ends he initiates another (eg when she ends a Pleasure Kiss instead of moving up to cuddle her he starts some Joy), then even if he gets this right much of the time (ie she likes what he is initiating) there will be times when he gets it wrong.

Him initiating an unwanted sexual activity during a Devotional Cuddle may make his Princess less relaxed about having just a Devotional Cuddle, and if she thinks he might try to go further then even though she would have enjoyed just a Devotional Cuddle she may keep things as just a cuddle.

Similarly if he initiates an unwanted sexual activity when one is happening or just ended this may make her less relaxed about being able to enjoy just the first activity without anything further happening, and so sometimes even though she would like just the first activity she may not have anything happen.

So a Knight physically initiating a sexual activity will not only lead to him sometimes doing things she doesn't want, but it can lead to less sexual activity overall.

 
For some activities a Princess may prefer that that her Knight can only suggest or request a sexually activity verbally.

This is best when a physical suggestion (see below) may sometimes have her feel uncomfortable or pressured.

In particular if he wants some Desire Play or a cuddle to turn into a Devotional Cuddle it weakens the Devotional Dynamic if he 'requests this' by moving her hand to his erection. So Desire Play and and a Devotional Cuddle should be activities that he can only request verbally.

 
 
It's easy to develop physical ways for him to request an activity:

• If he wants to touch her Pleasure then slowly sliding his hand down her tummy or up her inner thigh makes clear where his hand is going.
  
  
• If he wants to give her a Pleasure Kiss then kissing her neck may be enough to make clear that he wants to go all the way down.
  
  
• If he wants Joy then he pauses before entering her.
  

You may think of other ways of him physically suggesting what he would like to do. And it can be something unrelated to the activity eg stroking the back of her neck is a request for Joy.





What happens after he has physically suggested an activity is up to each Princess:

 
Her preference may be that her Knight must wait for her approval before going further.

So for Pleasure Play his hand stops before it gets to her Pleasure and he has to wait for her approval before he can go further, and for a Pleasure Kiss he goes no further than kissing her neck.

Of course if she doesn't give approval he should remove his hand from near her Pleasure or stop kissing her neck.

This is best for when she doesn't want an activity to happen unless she approves but she enjoys him suggesting activities physically.

 
The other way of doing this is that instead of him waiting for her approval he waits just long enough for her to know what he is wanting to do and for her to have time (without rushing) to say "No" or "Later", and then, if she hasn't said anything, her approval is taken as given and he continues.

This is great for when most of the time she wants what he is suggesting and she likes the feeling that he is doing the activity without her having to ask for it or approve it.

Of course the Knight knows that she still has full control - if she says "No" then things go no further. So he still feels her Knight when he physically makes a suggestion as he can never be sure how she will respond.

 
 
The final way he can initiate a sexual activity is to start to do it without doing a physical suggestion first. So instead of sliding his hand towards her Pleasure he goes straight there.

A Princess may love this when he gets it right. But as he isn't a mind reader (see above) it will weaken the Devotional Dynamic whenever he gets it wrong.

Thus I recommend that a Princess sets a Preference that he never directly physically initiates a sexual activity. But this is only my recommendation as this restriction is not part of the definition of Devotional Sex.

 
I recommend that a Princess experiment to find out what works best for her.

And keep experimenting as what works best may change over time.

She can try setting a Preference that he can't physically initiate an activity and see how that works. If she finds that this is too restrictive then she can just get rid of that Preference.

I also recommend that she makes clear to her Knight what things she likes him physically initiating.

This avoids the situation where, for example, she would like him to show more affection outside the bedroom, but he isn't doing this because he mistakenly thinks that this will annoy her and have her feel pressured for activity.


As well as setting what he isn't allowed to physically initiate and having things she likes him initiating, a Princess can set a Preference for her Knight to always do something.

I have not included her setting things that she wants him to always do on this page as this isn't him deciding to initiate it.

 
You can discuss, ask questions, or share what works for you in this topic on my forum.