Devotional Sex

Glossary of Terms

Many terms have a special meaning within Devotional Sex:

When a word is used at this website with this special meaning
then that word will start with a capital letter - eg

He felt desire for his wife as he watched her undress
and his Desire started to get hard.

When a word has a link that isn't bold (such as in the line above)
that link will bring you to this page to see the definition
(or to the Glossary of Wishes or the Glossary of Spells).
The link will only be done the first time a word is used on a page.

A link in BOLD will take you to a page about that topic.

If a term is explained in detail on another page, the explanation here will be shorter,
and you can get further information by
clicking (More).

Erotic resting during which he is aroused and erect and his erotic energy is focussed on feeling relaxed intimacy and connection with his Princess:

He will have got aroused from being Eager for activity. But once he feels that it is unlikely that sexual activity will follow, rather than desiring immediate activity and feeling frustrated that this isn't happening, he deliberately channels his thoughts to intimacy and connection (and looking forward to activities at future sessions).

It is easier for him to feel Adoration if his energy is accepted with a  Devotional Cuddle, but as his energy isn't high 'just a cuddle' will be ok for some Knights.

Some couples will enjoy many hours of Adoration each week, and this is a key reason why the most popular benefit of Devotional Sex is the increase in intimacy and connection.

A Devotional Cuddle which may or may not include other activities in between:

This term can be used by a Knight to request a Devotional Cuddle (with the hope, but not expectation, for more) or for her to leave him not knowing if more than a Devotional Cuddle might happen (eg "Come to bed for some Affection").

Affection will start off with the Knight feeling Eager, but if nothing else happens he will move to Adoration.

Those not already doing Devotional Sex can decide to enjoy a Spell of Affection.

Her having him be naked and spending time with him whilst she remains dressed:

Affirmation is enjoyed by a Knight because it is doing something with his energy which celebrates the couple's Devotional Dynamic. There is no humiliation involved, and in fact he is likely to feel proud to be her Knight.

For her Affirmation provides eye-candy with a lovely reminder that he is her Knight. She can also enjoy watching the rise and fall of his desire.



Devotional Appetizer
When a Pleasure Kiss is enjoyed before a meal so that he starts the meal with the taste of her Pleasure still on his lips:

She decides whether the Pleasure Kiss will be just enough to give him a taste or it will be enjoyed for long enough to bring her to orgasm. Usually the Pleasure Kiss will be the only activity of that Session.



He is thinking about sex and feeling desire but he is not (yet) fully hard:

Here his energy ranges from mild desire up to being slightly hard.

With Vanilla Sex this often fairly quickly leads to him becoming Eager and then activity. But with Devotional Sex a Knight will often be Attentive without anything further happening.

One of the joys of Devotional Sex is that he can be Attentive for many hours each day. This can be celebrated at home with Affirmation (when he isn't fully hard). There are also many ways a Princess can keep her Knight feeling Attentive when they go out together.


A medium session (10 to 40 minutes) of sexual activity:

Several sexual activities may be enjoyed, though sometimes Bliss may be mainly or just one activity (eg just her giving him some Desire Play or just him giving her a Pleasure Kiss).


A short session (2 to 10 minutes) consisting of just one sexual activity:

A Blissette enables a few minutes of sexual pleasure before having to get up in the morning or before sleep when she doesn't feel like doing any more.

Of course the Princess decides which activity. If he is being pleasured then he will not Climax at the end, and if she has him pleasure her then though she can decide to have a quick orgasm a Blissette will most often be a taster for future activity and she will leave her orgasm for another time.

Those not already doing Devotional Sex can quickly negotiate a Blissette Spell.


Body Kiss
A whole body massage mainly using the lips and tongue:

This is can be used as a long and relaxing prelude to her receiving a Pleasure Kiss.


Anus (bottom):

Bud Play is using a finger to play with the Bud,
Bud Kiss is using the tongue to pleasure a Bud, and
Bud Joy is anal intercourse.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

A set of actions done by following the rules of that Ceremony:

Each Ceremony is designed to enhance a specific feeling or aspect of Devotional Sex. Ceremonies can be very powerful due to their exaggerated nature.


Chivalrous Knight
A Knight who has learned to control his erotic energy:

With a Chivalrous Knight she can enjoy getting him very aroused whenever she wishes knowing that even if nothing much happens, or it is only a short session, he will be able to bring his high energy under control. And when sexual activity ends while in bed he can easily turn high energy into Exaltation or Adoration which creates intimacy and connection.

A Chivalrous Knight also accepts that even when he has gone longer than usual without a Climax his Princess can have a day or two of rest from activities.

But a Chivalrous Knight still needs his Princess to take care of him - For example if his energy is high when activity ends and he was expecting to reach Exaltation, if his Princess doesn't give him a Devotional Cuddle then even a very experienced Knight may feel frustration - and this isn't good for intimacy. And it is much easier for him to cope with a day or two without activity if he is given some Devotional Cuddles.

To orgasm and then lose sexual energy:

For a Knight a Climax is an ejaculation with an orgasm.

For a Princess a Climax is an orgasm after which her sexual energy falls enough for her to want to end sexual activity.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

All Devotional Sex is fully consensual:

A Knight is only committed to fulfilling those Wishes which he is willing to do at that time, and a Princess only asks for things that she wants or is willing to have happen.

In practice a Princess knows what her Knight is happy to do, and it is usually only these things she wishes for. So the issue of consent rarely comes up. For those rare times when a Knight has an issue he can use the key words NEED and PASS to make the situation instantly clear.

To do something in a refined and more stylish way:

The Devotional Dynamic can be enhanced if some things are done in a more formal and stylish way (as was done in the days of Princesses and Knights).

This isn't about her dressing up for him (though she can if she wishes), but how she has her Knight do her Wishes and how he goes about implementing them.

For example her saying "Reveal" and him doing this is much more stylish than her pulling his trousers off. And him removing ALL his clothing looks much better than him standing with his trousers around his ankles.

Another example is her saying "Pleasure" and him smoothly responding as this is much more refined than her just pushing his head down.

To orgasm without losing sexual energy:

As energy is maintained one Crest can be followed by another (multiple orgasms). And as sexual arousal is maintained (he stays erect, she stays aroused) sexual activity can continue.

For a Knight a Crest is an orgasm WITHOUT ejaculation.

Learning to do this - the Taoist multi-orgasmic man technique - is an optional enhancement to Devotional Sex.

For a Princess a Crest is an orgasm after which she still feels aroused enough to want to continue with sexual activity.

If her energy dissipates after an orgasm then she has Climaxed.

Cuddle Ritual
When a couple enjoy an in-bed cuddle every morning, every evening, or both (the Double-Cuddle Ritual):

The ritual element is that you go to some effort to always do this (eg if she goes to bed early he will join her in the bedroom for the cuddle (and maybe more) and then he will get up again, and if one gets up early the other will give them a cuddle and then go back to sleep).

When there is a Cuddle Ritual and something happens so that some cuddles get missed both may very much feel the lack of the cuddle.

If there is a Preference that he is always naked in and on the bed then he will always fully undress for the cuddle.

Cuddle Rituals can be enhanced by both Sleeping Nude and having all, or many, of the cuddles be Devotional Cuddles.

A Session where she has an orgasm and then gives him a Devotional Cuddle and he experiences Exaltation:

As Princess she decides how he will bring her to orgasm, and if she wishes this activity may be the only activity of that Session.

For many Devotees it will be common to have a Session of Delight which starts with a Devotional Cuddle, she says "Pleasure" and enjoys a long Pleasure Kiss, then after her orgasm she relaxes as she gives him another Devotional Cuddle and both enjoy the intimacy and connection flowing from his Exaltation.

That such a session can be a delight to both is a great example of the unique practices and pleasures of Devotional Sex.


I created a new word for this website as 'penis' is too clinical, 'lingam' is too eastern / new age, and many female readers found 'cock' too crude.

The word 'Desire' works very well within Devotional Sex as his erection is proof of his desire for his Princess. And as some Affirmation where he is hard but she never touches him proves - both can enjoy his desire for her without this having to lead to more.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

Desire Cherishing
A long Desire Kiss which becomes a meditation to both:

She gives him a very long and gentle Desire Kiss so that it becomes both a meditation for her to give as well as for him to receive.  This is the match for Pleasure Cherishing.



Desire Kiss
Fellatio, ie giving him oral sex:

With Devotional Sex she not only decides when this will happen and when it will end, but how it is done.

If she wants she can have him remain still (no thrusting) so she has full control over how much, if any, of his Desire goes into her mouth. And as a Knight never Climaxes until she decides, he will only ever ejaculate into her mouth when she asks for this.

Thus a Desire Kiss within Devotional Sex will often be a slow and gentle sensual experience - very different from what is seen in porn.

The frequency of Desire Kisses varies widely amongst those Living Devotional Sex with just under 20% of Knights receiving three or more a week, whilst for just over 40% it is one a month or less.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

Desire Play
Using a hand to play with his Desire:

This is her (or him) actively playing with his Desire so that he gets and stays energized and Eager

So the gently holding of his Desire during a Devotional Cuddle is not Desire Play.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

A person who is doing Devotional Sex:

A male Devotee is a Knight, and a female Devotee is a Princess.

Devotee Ring
The public symbol of a Devotee is wearing a gold ring with a red garnet stone on the little finger of the left hand:

The ring should only be worn when Devotional Sex is active ie those who only Sometimes do Devotional Sex should take the ring off when their Spell ends.

Devotees who are Living Devotional Sex may wear the ring all of the time and putting on the ring can then formalize their commitment to each other to live this way.

Devotional Cuddle
A cuddle during which she gently holds his erection:

If she wants to keep him Eager she can gently play with him, but this is done in a relaxed way (for her). If she keeps her hand fairly still then an Eager Knight will eventually calm down and feel Adoration.

Devotee couples may spend more time enjoying a Devotinal Cuddle than they spend on full sexual activity, so Devotional Cuddles are a very important part of Devotional Sex.

Devotional Dating
Dating where Devotional Sex is always practiced and he never Climaxes when with her:

Devotional Sex when dating creates much greater intimacy and connection and enables each new activity to be fully explored before adding a new activity.

Him never Climaxing when with her creates a dynamic very similar to Living Devotional Sex right from the start.

A very special moment in the relationship is if the couple decide to form a Devotional Relationship where they go from him never Climaxing when with her to him only ever Climaxing when she wishes (which may mean that he only ever Climaxes when he is with her).

Devotional Dynamic
The feeling between a couple that their Princess and Knight roles are very real:

In particular, both feel his desire for her being balanced by his commitment to fulfill all her wishes.

So the dynamic isn't strong when she says "Pleasure" because he desires the action, but it is strong when he is strongly desiring to give her a Pleasure Kiss and he has to wait until she wishes this to happen.

And the dynamic is strong when he is erect during Affirmation not because she is making him be naked and aroused (which he enjoys) but because his erection shows his strong desire for her and both know that full sexual activities won't happen until she decides.

The dynamic can feel very strong for him without her doing anything special. Just getting into bed at night has him feel the dynamic because he doesn't know what is going to happen. And a morning or a bedtime which is just a cuddle or just a Devotional Cuddle has him feeling the dynamic because he has to accept her wish that nothing further happens.

Devotional Friends
Friends who are not in a romantic relationship and who practice Devotional Sex together without ever going as far as Joy and him never Climaxing when with her:

The restrictions of him never Climaxing when with her and of never having Joy opens up a world of new possibilities for those who would like to enjoy some intimacy but don't want to go as far as being full 'friends with benefits'.

Activities can easily remain mild eg him giving her foot or back massages. Affirmation can be enjoyed without her ever touching him. For those wanting intimacy they can go to bed and enjoy Devotional Cuddles, without things ever going any further.

As long as he is willing, she decides what if any mix of Pleasure Play, Pleasure Kisses, Desire Play and Desire Kisses take place.

The Devotional Friendship needs to be Balanced in that both must enjoy it enough to want to continue, but as they are only friends what happens isn't expected to provide all of each person's needs. So, for example, if she wishes she can receive lots of Pleasure Kisses without ever giving him a Desire Kiss.

Devotional Relationship
A relationship in which the couple always do Devotional Sex:

This is another term for Living Devotional Sex.

Devotional Sex
A sexual technique and lifestyle which is the subject of this website:

    One Page Summary            

    Overview for HER (6 pages)


Devotional Trousers
Baggy trousers with the lining of one or both pockets cut out which are worn by a Knight without underwear:

Him wearing Devotional Trousers enables his Princess to put her hand into his pocket and hold or play with his Desire. She can also have him play with himself.

With only a little care this explicit touching can be enjoyed in places where holding his Desire would normally be impossible.


He is aroused and erect and is either engaged in sexual activity or is eager for it to start soon:

It is thoughts of desiring sex which get him hard, and as an Eager Knight is keen for sexual activity, whatever it is, rather than her Wishes 'making him' do something they are allowing him to do it.

As a Knight never knows what is going to happen, even just waking up with or getting into bed with his Princess is likely to have him Eager. This is good because if she wants something to happen then he is already eager to please, and if nothing happens he has built up the erotic energy enabling him to relax into Adoration.

One of the fun things of being a Princess is that it is always very easy to quickly make him Eager. For example during Adoration all she needs to do is play with him a little more actively and he will quickly become Eager, and during Affirmation even just her starting to talk about sex may be enough for her to be able to watch him rise.

He is on the edge of having a Climax:

With Vanilla Sex this is his energy state just before he ejaculates. Some couples enjoy getting him to this state and then keeping him there (with the kink of tease and denial denying him release at the end).

With Devotional Sex a Princess can ask her Knight to Edge before she says "Release", but most of the time it works best if he avoids the Edging state and instead stays in the Energized state.


Having her Knight know that she isn't wearing any panties:

As most Devotee couples enjoy Pleasure Kisses more or much more often than they have Joy, when he is Enchanted he is most likely to be thinking of licking her. And due to his higher than normal background erotic energy from being her Knight he is likely to be thinking of this all the time he is with her.

Enchanting him also increases the Devotional Dynamic because both are aware that he will fulfill her Wishes later on - and he has no idea of how long it will be before an activity happens nor what that will be.

Devotional Energizer

She gets him energized (and he doesn't do anything to her) so that he carries the energy afterwards:

Usually the session will only last a minute or two - just enough time to get him hard and energized.

It is a celebration of the Devotional Dynamic as she surprises him by initiating the Session, both enjoy how quickly he responds and gets hard, and her ending the session so quickly makes her control feel very real and has him remembering what happened and looking forward to their next session.



Adding an activity which builds on top of the feel and dynamic of Devotional Sex:

Enhancements include the Knight learning to orgasm without ejaculation, adding some elements of Tantra, doing some mild kinky activities, and doing some activities in front of or with others.

All the enhancements are optional and nothing will be done within Devotional Sex unless the Knight is willing for it to happen and his Princess decides that it will happen.

When something is added that takes away some of the feel and dynamic of Devotional Sex then the couple are no longer doing Pure Devotional Sex but a Hybrid of Devotional Sex and the other technique.

The feeling of relaxed erotic energy felt throughout the day by a Knight who has learned to calm his energy:

As his energy is calmed this isn't 'blue balls' or him being on edge. Rather it is a pleasant background energy without which life feels a bit flat.

Being Enlivened is deliberately a more energized version of the experience of those who don't ejaculate often as part of Tao or Tantra. The extra energy is needed with Devotional Sex because it is this that ensures that a Knight can always quickly become Eager and thus keen to fulfill any of his Princess's Wishes.

Being Enlivened not only has him desiring and appreciating his partner more but it can also create a greater appreciation of and 'oneness' with the rest of the natural and human world.


Devotional Dating when he is sometimes allowed to Climax when with her, or Devotional Friends who sometimes allow this and/or sometimes have Joy together.

With Devotional Dating he never Climaxes when with her. The couple can then one day progress so Living Devotional Sex where from then on he only every ejaculates when with her.

But if the Dating has become well established and the couple are not ready to move to Living, then both will probably want to have her sometimes let him Climax when with her. This half-way point is called Established Devotional Dating.

Similarly with a long established Devotional Friendship the couple may both feel that it would be good if she could sometimes have him Climax when with her or that the couple sometimes go as far as Joy, and this is called an Established Devotional Friendship.

In both cases I highly recommend that the Dating/Friends has gone on for long enough for it to have become normal for sexual activity to end without him Climaxing, and that if you move to Established that most of the time he doesn't get to Climax.

Moving to Established enhances the Devotional Dynamic because he will always be wondering whether or not his time with his Princess will end with or without him Climaxing.

Turning his high erotic energy when sex ends without him Climaxing into an emotional orgasm of intimacy and connection:

Exaltation can be as powerful and pleasurable, albeit in a different way,  as a Climax, but unlike a Climax which leaves the Knight feeling flat after the physical pleasure of ejaculation, with Exaltation he remains energized and his energy then calms to become Adoration.

A Session where she has an orgasm and he doesn't Climax seems one-sided. But if she orgasms and he ends with Exaltation the Session becomes a Delight to both.

Most Knights will only be able to feel Exaltation when they are also enjoying a Devotional Cuddle. So here he relies on his Princess to look after him. Fortunately this is fairly easy for her as all she needs to do is gently hold his erection as they cuddle which doesn't require much effort even if she is exhausted after her orgasm.

As far as I'm aware it is only Devotional Sex which teaches a man how to experience Exaltation and creates a lifestyle where he can enjoy this often.


He meditates as he gently plays with himself to keep himself hard:

This is a way for him to learn to control and tame his erotic energy. As well as relaxing with the energy he can learn the Taoist technique of circulating his energy around the body and head. This technique helps him move from 'blue balls' and feeling edgy to feeling Enlivened.

Floating also has many of the benefits of meditation, leaving not only his erotic energy tamed but his mind refreshed as well.

Her saying "Float" is a Wish which will have him do this - either when with her or to be done by himself.

Both Floating and Adoration are about the relaxed enjoyment of his erotic energy. The big difference is that Floating is his hand on his Desire and is an inward meditation whilst Adoration has her hand on his Desire (during the Devotional Cuddle) and his thoughts are focused outwards to feel intimacy and connection with his Princess.

Focussed Sex
Sexual activity which takes your full attention:

The activity may have your full attention because it is very active, or it may be slow and have high erotic energy and / or high connection.

There can be times when he is focussed and for her it is a Social Activity.


Foot Kiss

To massage and pleasure the foot using the mouth, lips and tongue:

When he is very hungry for his Princess a Knight who normally has no special interest in feet may find this a powerful way to be allowed to give her pleasure and show his devotion.

Gallant Knight
A Knight who has not yet learned to control and calm his erotic energy but is committed to learning to do so:

A new Knight is likely to feel some frustration as he learns to enjoy times of Adoration and Exaltation, but this will be balanced by him also feeling intimacy and connection.

Though most of the learning is him reprogramming how he thinks and feels, his journey is made much easier if he has the support of his Princess. Her first step to helping him is to ensure that she enjoys what happens so much that when she gives him a Devotional Cuddle after sexual activity ends she genuinely feels that him learning to be her Knight is good for her so she that holding his erection is thanking him for going on this journey.

Not only will every Knight find the journey easier with lots of Devotional Cuddles, but many men may need these cuddles to learn to feel intimacy and connection without any frustration.

Another key step to learning control is to spend time Floating - either when with her or alone.

And to enable Devotional Sex to become a new normal part of both of your lives he needs to learn to be able to comfortably cope with a few days in a row which don't include any sexual activity. Once again her giving him a few Devotional Cuddles is a significant help here.

Once he has learned good control he becomes a Chivalrous Knight.

She has him see her naked or scantily dressed knowing that this will have him admiring and desiring her:

She is also a Goddess is she is dressed normally but letting him see her breasts or her panties (or even more if she isn't wearing any). And 'scantily dressed' include her wearing lingerie.



When she has him be naked whilst she is his Goddess:

This is a combination of the fun of Affirmation and her being his Goddess.

Having him be naked when she is his Goddess enables him to pay homage as it enables her to see every sign of his arousal.



Honor Bound
It is his commitment to be an honorable Knight which ensures that he always fulfills his Princess's wishes:

When fulfilling a Wish is challenging for a Knight, the 'force' that has him do the wish is him being Honor Bound. This is why his Princess doesn't need to act nor feel dominant.

When a Knight fails (eg he deliberately ejaculates when he should not) or behaves badly (eg making a fuss about doing a Wish which he should do) then he has dishonored himself and failed to fulfill his commitment. This makes him feel ashamed with himself, and hopefully inspires him to do much better in the future.

This is why there is no punishment within Devotional Sex. His Princess letting him know that he has acted dishonorably is all that is needed.

But remember that a Princess must ensure that he enjoys being her Knight as much as she enjoys being his Princess. If she fails to do this, and talking doesn't fix things, then he can (or perhaps should) stop being her Knight.

Adding bits of other techniques to Devotional Sex which changes the dynamic and feel so that it is no longer Pure Devotional Sex:

Taking Female Domination (FemDom) as an example of another technique, if a couple are doing Devotional Sex but also include the FemDom dynamic of strong domination and submission and some humilation, then they would not be doing Pure Devotional Sex but a Hybrid somewhere between Devotional Sex and Femdom.

Each couple should find what works best for them as a couple. And for some that will be a Hybrid of Devotional Sex and another technique.



I needed a good word for when his Desire enters her Pleasure, and Joy seems to fit the bill.

A few Devotee couples don't have Joy at all, and a few do it four or more times a week. Thus most have Joy just once or twice each week - about the same as before.

For most Devotee couples Joy becomes slower and thus more sensual and connected - a step towards Tantric sex. And because lots of sessions don't include Joy, and Joy only happens when she decides, it feels more special to both when it is enjoyed.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

A man who is doing Devotional Sex:

While a Knight he commits to:

   K1:    having far fewer ejaculations than he used to, and letting her
                   (or their agreed Spell) decide when he does so,

   K2:    taking primary responsibility for keeping his
                   erotic energy under control,

   K3:    fulfilling all her sensual and sexual wishes
                  (within what he is willing to do), and

   K4:    openly and honestly communicating with her
                  on all aspects of this lifestyle.

The length of this commitment, and how it ends, depends on the Spell which the couple have agreed to do.

The word 'Knight' captures the feel that though he is devoted to his Princess he is also strong and honorable, and for her he fights the dragon (which is him managing his own erotic energy and keeping his commitment to fulfill her wishes). Also he fulfills her Wishes not because she dominates him or he is submissive to her, but because he is Honor Bound to do so.

The word 'Knight' also captures the feel that his Princess honors and respects him and is devoted to him as he is to her.

Devotional Sex is a lifestyle because during it he always feels at least some erotic energy and she can fire up the Devotional Dynamic whenever she wishes:

For example a couple Living Devotional Sex might have a day consisting of him getting erect during a quick morning cuddle; during the day he gets hard thinking about her (and perhaps plays with himself but without Climaxing); that evening they enjoy some Affirmation that doesn't include her touching him; and when they go to bed they have a Devotional Cuddle.

Even though there was no high energy sexual activity and no orgasms the couple have enjoyed a very erotic and intimate day.

He will have felt hers during the quick morning cuddle and when he refrained from ejaculating when aroused alone during the day. And both would have enjoyed the Devotional Dynamic during the Affirmation and Devotional Cuddle.

A similar day with Vanilla Sex would have had nothing happen at all (or just him masturbating to ejaculation while alone).

Even on days where less happens than presented above, there is always the potential for more so Devotional Sex has become part of the way the couple live their life.

Living Devotional Sex
When a couple are always practicing Devotional Sex ie he always fulfills her wishes and he only ever Climaxes when she decides:

For most couples who Live Devotional Sex the fact that he only ever Climaxes when with her and when she wishes creates a very powerful bond between them that becomes an important part of their relationship.

When apart for a long time she lets him know when he is allowed to bring himself to Climax. So he is still hers when apart.

Of course either can end this if things are not working.

I recommend that couples Living Devotional Sex formally revisit this commitment once a year and then, if both still wish, recommit for another year.


Something which needs to happen for that person to remain happy doing Devotional Sex:

For example, if he feels sick, stressed, or gets an ache in the balls, then he may NEED to Climax that night (which is different from him just really, really wanting to Climax). And if he starts to feel chilled during Affirmation then he may NEED a heater turned on or to put some clothes on.

And if she is feeling pestered by him being over eager she may NEED him to be Quiet.

There are times when he can try to negotiate a change to her wish:

Devotional Sex works best if most of the time a Princess says one of the  Wish Words he immediately fulfills that wish without any negotiation.

So if they are having Joy and she says "Cuddle" then he should just pull out and move to cuddle her without saying anything.

But if instead she says "That's all for now" he can reply "Can't we continue for just a little bit longer?" She may agree to his request, but if she doesn't then he should accept her wish.

Anytime she says "Reveal" he should (if they are in a situation where he is willing to do this) just quickly remove all his clothes. But if he was just about to take out the bins, it would be reasonable to ask if he could do that first.

For negotiating a Spell see here. And see Suggestions for him initiating a request.

That I am the first person to WRITE about this sexual dynamic:

Of course there is nothing new under the sun with sex, and I have had people say "Thank you for giving what we do a name" or "That is close to what we do". So what I have called Devotional Sex has been done by a few before I knew about it.

But after many years of writing about Devotional Sex I've not (yet) found anyone else who wrote about this special dynamic before I started this website.

So it is my writing about Devotional Sex which is new. I'm not the first to find this place on the landscape of sexual possibilities, but I am the first to put up a sign that gives this place a name, and to shout out "Hey, this place is great! Why not give it a go?"

And I'm also the first to write a 'travel guide' to this place on the sexual landscape ie this website!

Opening Doors

A way to tell others about Devotional Sex (or to suggest doing a Shared Activity) which leaves it up to them how far things go and when this happens:

Opening Doors is breaking up the journey into many rooms, and after each room you enthusiastically open the door to the next room. They then decide if and when they step through that door, which may be straight away or months later.

So if you would like to tell someone all about your practice of Devotional Sex they get to decide how much they want to know and when.

With Shared Activities the first rooms are information. And then, once your friend knows about, for example, your often doing Affirmation at home, a Princess could open the door to action by saying "I think it would be fun to have him be Affirmed when you were visiting. So let me know if you would like to see this."

The word for a Knight to tell his Princess that her wish is NOT included in what he is willing to do at that time:

Saying Pass means that her wish does not happen that Session and it does not get discussed further during that session.

If the Princess is unsure of why he said Pass then it is very good idea to discus this later on.

After he says Pass she may ask him what he is willing to do, in which case he may suggest something that she is happy to have happen as an alternative. Hence the Session may be able to happily (for both) continue.


Vulva and Vagina:

A new word is used on this website as I found 'vagina' too clinical, 'yoni' is to eastern / new age, and 'pussy' is too crude for some.

The word 'pleasure' works well within Devotional Sex because her sex brings pleasure to both her and him, and this word is a good match to his Desire.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

Pleasure Cherishing
A long Pleasure Kiss which becomes a meditation to both:

This is a long Pleasure Kiss which isn't done to quickly build up to her orgasm but as a meditation for him to give and for her to receive.



Pleasure Cuddle
A cuddle where he rests his head on her lower tummy / pubic area so that his nose is above her Pleasure:

In this position he will be thinking about giving her a Pleasure Kiss, and he will be feeling hers as he doesn't know whether or not this will happen.

She can use the Wish word "Pleasure" to have this cuddle happen just by keeping her legs together as he moves down. Later on, if she wishes, she just needs to part her legs for her eager Knight to move further down to lie between her legs to give her a Pleasure Kiss.

Pleasure Kiss

Cunnilingus ie giving her oral sex:

A Princess can enjoy this whenever she wants, done the way she wants, and for as long as she wants. Whenever she says the Wish word "Pleasure" her Knight will eagerly oblige.

For most men, practicing Devotional Sex results in them enjoying giving her oral sex much more than before, and most Knights really love or have become obsessed with it. In fact 42% of men Living Devotional Sex would like to be able to give her a Pleasure Kiss much more often than happens, and only 5% want to do it less often.

With Pleasure Kissing being a mutual pleasure it tends to happen often and for some couples becomes a major focus of their dynamic. Over half of those who Live Devotional Sex do Pleasure Kisses much more often than they have Joy. The median is 4.5 times a week totaling 70 minutes a week (thus half do less than this and half do more).

Thus it is appropriate that this activity is represented in the Devotional Sex logo (you can see the logo on the Welcome Page).

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

Pleasure Play
Using hands and fingers to play with her Pleasure:

A Princess can enjoy this whenever she wants, done the way she wants, and for as long as she wants. Whenever she says the Wish word "Caress" her Knight will eagerly oblige.

Though him using his hand on her is a common way for a man to 'warm her up' in Vanilla Sex, it is not unusual with Devotional Sex for a Princess to set a Preference that she is only Caressed when she asks to be touched.

As most Knights are always eager to give her a Pleasure Kiss, about 20% of women Living Devotional Sex rarely have him use his hand and have him use his mouth instead. Another 20% have him use his hand a lot less than his mouth, 49% are bit less or about as often, and only 11% have him use his hand more often than he gives her oral sex.

See New Words for Talking About Sex for why new terms were chosen and for a list of other terms.

Pledged Knight
A man who has pledged to agree to a Spell of Devotional Sex whenever his partner wishes and who practices some Knightly behavior during the couple's Vanilla times:

Him pledging to always agree to a Spell has him feeling a slight Devotional Dynamic during Vanilla times as he knows that he will be her Knight whenever she wishes him to be.

His Knightly practices during Vanilla times may include him committing himself to have fewer ejaculations with solo masturbation and to learn to calm and control his own erotic energy. He must also respect her wish to be Vanilla when they are not doing a Spell- which includes doing his best to control his own energy if he has not Climaxed for a while.

If Spells of Devotional Sex don't happen or happen rarely then he will probably want to act devotedly in bed with his partner during Vanilla Sex.

But if Spells do happen often I recommend that he he act more normally in bed during Vanilla times so that there is a big difference between doing a Spell and doing Vanilla. Of course if she likes what happens during Spells then she will want Spells to happen more often and/or last for longer.

A Pledged Knight may decide to give himself the private symbol of being a Knight.

Something which she likes to always happen - which he then thinks of as a rule to always be followed:

A preference may be something that a Princess clearly states (eg "I would like you to always be naked whenever you are in or on the bed").

Or it can just develop from the Knight always doing something that he thinks is she would like (or that has him feeling like her Knight). Of course if she doesn't like what is developing into a Preference she should tell her Knight what she wishes instead.

As well as setting some Preferences for how things are done in bed (eg he must never touch her Pleasure without asking first) and what happens inside the house, she can set a Preference for how her Knight should be dressed when they are out of the house together. This could be that he must always wear a male G-string or always wear Devotional Trousers. Because he doesn't wear these things normally, this makes him feel different whenever he is outside the house with his Princess.

Because Preferences always happen without her saying anything, she needs to tell him each time she wants an exception.

It is easy to experiment with a Preference because a Princess can amend or end a Preference just as easily as she can set one.

Though a Knight may like the idea of having lots of 'rules' I've found that most Princesses only decide to have a few Preferences.

Though usually few in number, the Preferences that are in place can have a big impact to how the couple enjoy Devotional Sex.

A woman who is doing Devotional Sex:

While a Princess she commits to:

   P1:    using the control he has given her to enhance HER
                sensual, sexual, and intimate life,

   P2:    enhancing HIS sexual and intimate life
               so that he is equally happy,

   P3:   always respect his arousal, and

   P4:   not having him ejaculate most Sessions.

The length of this commitment, and how it ends, depends on the Spell which the couple have agreed to do.

The word 'Princess' captures the feel that she is special and that her wishes happen without her acting or feeling dominant. She enjoys that her Knight is devoted to her, and she, in return, is devoted to him.

Note that it is the combination P1 and P2 which ensures that Devotional Sex is win-win and thus both wish to keep practicing it. Devotional Sex does not achieve a balance in activities or orgasms but instead aims to create equality in happiness.

When she says a Wish it will sometimes feel right for her Knight to acknowledge this by saying "Yes Princess". So the word 'Princess' may be said often.

Couples who prefer to use a different term are welcome to do so.

Private Symbol of being a Knight
The optional private symbol of him being her Knight is for him to keep his pubic hair clean-shaven.

This not only creates a Devotional Sex 'look', but is a visual reminder that he has committed to only ever ejaculate when with his Princess and when she decides.

Though some may shave just because they like the look, when does to represent that he is her Knight it has significant symbolic meaning.

I recommend that this symbol only be used by Knight who either Live Devotional Sex or who have Pledged to be her Knight whenever and for as long as she wishes.

See The Private Symbol of him being her Knight for much more.


Public Symbol of being a Devotee
Wearing a gold ring with a red garnet stone on the little finger of the left hand:

Those who Live Devotional Sex may wear the ring all the time and thus putting on the ring represents their commitment to live their role.

Those that Sometimes do Devotional Sex can use the ring to indicate when they are a Devotee and should take the ring off when they are not.

See The Devotee Ring for much more (including some photos).

Pure Devotional Sex
Doing Devotional Sex without including bits of other techniques:

Taking Female Domination (FemDom) as an example of another technique, if a couple are doing Devotional Sex but also include the FemDom dynamic of strong domination and submission and some humilation, then they would not be doing Pure Devotional Sex but a Hybrid somewhere between Devotional Sex and Femdom.

Each couple should find what works best for them as a couple. And for some that will be a Hybrid of Devotional Sex and another technique.

A Devotional Ritual
Something she decides will happen everyday as a celebration of their Devotional Dynamic:

She can easily create a new Ritual as she can keep something which initially feels strange going for long enough for it to start to feel like a new normal, and it is safe to experiment as she can end any Ritual if she no longer wants it done.

For example she might like a greeting Ritual (when they meet he always gives her a kiss on the hand) or a wakeup in bed Ritual (she always has him give her at least a short Pleasure Kiss before they get up).

The period between starting Devotional Sex until the Princess has her Knight Climax:

With an experienced older Knight it may be a week or longer before she has him Climax, but for a couple doing the Spell of a Day then the Season will last for just that day.

During a Season there will be many Sessions (episodes). A Knight may feel that everything that happens in a Season is part of one long event. It's because it feels like one long event for him that it feels ok for him for a Session to include only one activity because the balance will come from other activities that happen during that Season.

When Living Devotional Sex ending one Season (with his Climax) automatically starts the next Season.

A couple doing Vanilla Sex can agree to do the Spell of a Season after which they return to Vanilla.

The time from starting a Devotional activity / dynamic until the activities / dynamic ends:

Usually a Session will be the time from him getting erect until he goes down.

But a Session can also be him giving her a foot massage which doesn't have him get hard but during which he feels their Devotional Dynamic, and during Affirmation he may have long periods where he is soft (but it is still one Session of Affirmation).

When doing a Spell where it has been agreed when he will Climax, eg a Devotional Weekend, both know that any session that happens before that end time will end without the Knight Climaxing.

When doing a Stretch or Living Devotional Sex a Knight never knows whether a Session will end with him Climaxing or not.

A couple doing Vanilla Sex can agree to do the Spell of a Session, where she decides whether or not he gets to Climax at the end of the Spell, after which they return to Vanilla.

Shared Activities
Devotional activities done in front of or with others:

For those interested, Devotional Sex opens up an exciting and liberating middle ground between doing nothing and full activity with others.

In some fun discussions a Princess finds out what her Knight is willing to do with others, what he is happy for her to do, and how he feels about all of this.

If HE is unwilling to anything with others then nothing will ever happen, and if anything does happen it must be within what he is happy to have happen. At any time he can let his Princess know that he is now willing to do more or that some things that he had been willing to have happen before are no longer allowed.

She decides what she is willing to do with others and what she is happy for him to do with or in front of others. So even if he is very keen, if SHE decides nothing will ever happen then nothing will ever happen.

It works well for her to never tell him what interests her as then he will never know what might happen one day. So even if she has decided that he will never be Affirmed in front of others, it can be fun for both to have him think that one-day she might have him do this.

If she is interested in doing something then when an opportunity arises she can have things move from fantasy to reality. Part of the fun may be surprising her Knight. Of course the other(s) must also be happy to be part of this. Thus Devotional Sex has plenty of checks to make sure that everything is fully consensual.

A Knight never Climaxes when with others, and he remains committed to doing as she wishes. So it is very easy for her to ensure that things don't go any further than she wishes.

As most who live Devotional Sex do Affirmation often, having him Affirmed in front of others turns telling someone about Devotional Sex into show and tell. My Affirmation Survey survey found that 45% of those Living Devotional Sex have done this, whilst 18% of couples have not done this but both would like to.

Sleeping Nude
Sleeping nude encourages and celebrates that sexuality and sensuality is always part of life as a Devotee:

Him always sleeping nude makes Devotional Cuddles easier.

Both sleeping nude makes it easier to enjoy a quick Blissettes or a longer Session of activity. It also turns every 'just a cuddle' into a sensual skin-on-skin cuddle.

A cuddle which may or may not include some sexual activity:

This term can be used by a Princess, for example, to invite her Knight to follow her to the bedroom for a Snuggle. This is promising him a cuddle but not giving him any idea if the cuddle will lead to other activities.

Social Activities
Engaging in sexual activities other than Joy without reaching high energy / high arousal:

I've called this sexual activity 'social' as it is mild enough for it to be possible to engage in normal social conversation or do other things, eg watch TV, while also enjoying the sex.


Sometimes do Devotional Sex
A couple who sometimes do Spells of Devotional Sex and at other times are just doing Vanilla Sex.

Sometimes doing Devotional Sex ranges from those who do just a short Spell or two each month, to those who do long Seasons or a long Stretch and then go back to Vanilla Sex afterwards.


Suggestions / Requests
He can make suggestions and requests for activities:

She may agree to his suggestion, modify it, or say "Later" or "No".

He may suggests something that he thinks she would like (eg giving her a foot massage), things that they both would like (eg giving her a Pleasure Kiss), and even request something that he would like (eg Affirmation when she isn't in the mood for activity).

Whenever a Knight first gets erect in bed (bedtime or morning) he will be Eager. So his erection acts as an unspoken request for activity - any activity.

An easy way for him to verbally suggest something is to say the Wish Word for that action or activity. If she replies "yes" then that Wish happens. So if he says "Pleasure" in bed, and she replies "yes", then he is allowed to give her a Pleasure Kiss.

Sometimes a Suggestion will be physical (eg moving his hand down towards her Pleasure which is asking if she wants him to Caress her).

Supreme Bliss
A long session of sexual activity (40 minutes to hours):

What happens will be enjoyed in a slow, gentle, and very sensual manner over a much longer time than usual. This adds a quiet intensity to the session and makes Supreme Bliss very special.



Tantric Devotion
Adding a spiritual element on top of Devotional Sex based upon celebrating the feminine forces of the universe.

Telling Others
Telling others that you practice Devotional Sex and what this involves:

HE decides who can be told and SHE decides if and when any of these people will be told. So no-one gets told unless BOTH agree.

The key reasons that couples may wish to tell others are:
The couple should agree beforehand whether or not she needs to let him know when an allowed person has been told - he may want to know this or it may be more fun for all for him to not know who she has told.

A Princess can tell her Knight that she wishes him to tell someone (either on his own or when they are all together). When with others she can use the Tell Wish to let him know.

Three Freedoms
1 - When doing Pure Devotional Sex you have the freedom to decide what activities happen and how often:

A few Devotee couples never have Joy, a few don't do Pleasure Kisses, some can't or don't want to do Affirmation, a few Knights receive a Desire Kiss four or more times each week whilst for most it is less than once a week.

So with 'pure' Devotional Sex (ie Devotional Sex without any other technique) the aim is to find what works best for you and your partner, and it doesn't matter if that is different from what most Devotees do.

2 - You have the freedom to also include bits of other sexual techniques:

One of my aims in writing about Devotional Sex is to explain how and why Devotional Sex is different from other techniques. But rather than you having to decide to do Devotional Sex or something else, there is a continuum between techniques, and what works best for you both may be somewhere in between - a Hybrid of two techniques.

So, for example, if she is naturally dominant and/or he enjoys submission then what works best for you may be somewhere in between 'pure' Devotional Sex and Femdom.

3 - You have the freedom to change what you do over time:

Within Devotional Sex it is very easy to explore new activities or new ways of doing things as she can wish something new to be tried, and if it doesn't work she can wish things to go back to how they were.

How much of other techniques, if any, you include can also change over time.

Vanilla Sex
Conventional or normal sex (ie not doing Devotional Sex):

Returning to Vanilla after a Spell of Devotional Sex means going back to your usual way of deciding what sex happens and when, and him probably expecting a session to include intercourse and his ejaculation.

And as he is no longer her Knight he is free to ejaculate during solo masturbation.

Wild Knight
A Knight who has not learned to control and calm his erotic energy and does not (yet) want to learn to do this:

Note that it is his erotic energy which is wild (untamed) and his outward appearance may be calm.

A Spell of Devotional Sex with a Wild Knight will be high energy fun but by the end of a longer spell either him or her, or both, may feel stressed due to his constant high energy.

As a Wild Knight doesn't want to learn to calm and control his energy what happens will miss out on most of the intimacy and connection which is what makes Devotional Sex much more than just a way to have sex.

Wish Word
A Wish Word is a special word that makes it clear to him what she would like to happen - and her wish is his command:

Using a Wish Word has things flow the way she wishes without her acting or feeling dominant. And as she only says one word, which can be said gently, it can feel like her wish just happens without talking.

About the Wish Words       List of Wish Words
Glossary of Wish Words



Comments and questions are welcome at this topic on my forum.

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Page last updated: 27 February 18                                             Copyright © MichaelK 2007-18